Any advice or similar situation?

[sunshineray]

Hi everyone! Just needed some advice or some insight!

 

My and my bf have been broken up for almost 2 months now. I am 19F and he is 20M. We were each other's first for everything. We are in a tricky situation because we are still roommate so LC or NC is a little hard. But down below I will tell you my story

 

So we met in HS when I was 16 and he was 17, junior year. It really felt like love at first sight and we spent almost every waking hour together then. In HS I was shy so when I would be with him and his group of friends, I would not say much. Then we both went to the same college. The first year was especially hard because he had trouble making friends. But when he finally did find them I did some bad things. I would balance work and school at that time so when I would come home from work I would want to hangout with him. He would say he had to study or just that he couldn't hang out for more than an hour, but then I would find out he was actually hanging out with his friend. I guess along our relationship I was clingy and sometimes would get angry and so this image stuck to some of his friends. I have said many things out of anger that I did not mean but I can't take them back. We would always have some little arguments, but we would always make up.

 

Then we went on a big trip together for a whole month to France and thats when I felt something was very wrong. he would close on himself and would not be affectionate towards me. We came back to the US and about a month or so after, he broke up with me for the first time. I was devastated, very hurt and I did some begging and basically all the things you are not supposed to do. But then I tried to detach myself and stopped talking to him for maybe a few days and he eventually came back and said we could try again in a month (I was to go back to college and work full-time so I wouldn't see him for a full month).

 

So the second year of college starts, we are roommate. He goes to see his friends 3 times a night, biking, no bike lights or reflective clothes so I would always get worried and would text him to come home. Of course he saw it as me not wanting to see his friends. but what he did was, he would go see them, and then come back home at 2-4am and take a shower... which would then wake me up. Of course it would upset me and every time he would go see them, I would text him to come home and I once sent an angry text to the group chat.

 

He then broke up with me again short of our 3rd year anniversary. I've done a lot of thinking during this time and worked on myself, and I really feel like when I look back at it, I am a much happier person now than I am from HS. I have changed these past few months and we've been better than ever, except that we are not together. I know he still loves me and we are still very close. He holds my hand, calls me honey and says I love you. We both are much happier and still act like a couple. He said he needed time for himself and to figure himself out and said he wasn't opposed to trying again. He said he broke up because I did not let him see his friends and that I was too controlling and that we had too many arguments. I am fully aware that it was all my fault and have been working on it.

 

I think this time around, I will be very careful and I know that deep down he is the one for me, but we have some maturing to do I guess? He is in the process of moving out so it would make things much easier. There was one week where we went on break and I did LC and he said he missed me. When we came back from break, he said that we were gf/bf, but then a few days later her changed his mind. We are going on winter break so I will try to do NC and see where it goes.

 

Right now, I think he doesn't know what he wants. I think that even through the negatives, I was still a pretty good girlfriend to him and we had a good relationship. I took care of him, we were very close and liked the same things, our families loved each others, etc. He even said that it would be hard to find someone who cares about his wellbeing as much as I do. So from now on, I am going to be me for a while and find what makes me happy. In my heart it doesn't feel like we are completely, and if things are meant to be, then they will be.

 

Have any of you been in a situation in which the dumper's friends could influence a possible reconciliation? Or just a story of reconciliation of HS sweethearts? Any stories where the dumper was a guy and came back? Any advice from? thank you!

[Hayley99]

Hi. Looks like he really doesn't know what he wants. And maybe you were stressing too much over him going out with friends, but this isn't excuse of his behaviour. I know it sounds bad, but he has been playing with you, leaving you and getting back to you whenever he wants, this is not okay.

If you feel like he is the right one and you still love him, I think you should talk to him. Be completely honest about your feelings, and tell him that you want to know if he wants you or he doesn't want you, he needs to make a decision.