The artwork you left on the canvas of my heart

[jchilds24861]

Time has an odd way of presenting itself. The time we spent together seemed to ignite like a blaze fueled by accelerants. After you left the sand in the hourglass seemed to negate the effects of gravity, trapped in a vacuum deep in interstellar space somewhere away from the pull of distant objects. I can't believe now that is has nearly been four months. The grains of time returning to their gravity induced decent, settling in the forward motion we call life. That being said I feel there were a multitude of aspects that were never truly settled before our departure down different paths.

 

Out of all the people that have entered my life there has never been quite someone like you. Love is no mere simple emotion, it has depth yet no tangible size or shape but we feel its warmth and expansion. I have never felt the warmth or exponential expansion of this emotion with anyone but you. It felt that we had found a perfect way to meld a personal friendship connection, romantically charged bond along with deeply driven personalities. This may be my one sided point of view but this is the best way I could define it.

 

In saying this I do realize that the relationship we had built was far from perfect. Perfection is a troublesome idea to grasp, but I do realize the faults that we faced on our voyage. We may have different view points as to what the root causes for the demise of what we had constructed, and that is infinitely understandable. Perspective is a reflection and the situation we faced was difficult. I admit to seeing only the reflection I found myself lost in. Were we plagued by selfishness, poor reciprocation of feelings and/or communication issues? This is not meant for the placement of blame but the realization that I am guilty for delving into these during our relationship. If there was one topic I remember from the 26th of July it was that you never wanted to change me, or for myself to change for you. I did however become wiser of my actions and the effects they can have on those closest to you.

 

Even though the above issues were apparent I still have a collage of the magnificent times we shared. We had found a way into each others lives in the darkest of times and helped each other to see and feel love again. For a time I felt that we shared whatever thought floated through our mind. Our darkest secrets that we kept confined to the void in our mind were released as we gave each other the keys to view them. There was never any judgement or expectation. Simplistic fun was at its finest, memories of uncorking bottles of wine and listening to your daily adventures. I felt that we had discovered a way to bring ourselves to the fullest via each other. What I miss the most is the time spent with you, it was an energy.. A spark that ignited when we were together and I will always cherish that. A lover, a best friend.. A future.

 

I have so many fond memories that we shared but there are two that will always come to mind as I gaze upon the hourglass of time. The night we first attained the keys to a place we called home. The emotional rollercoaster of experiencing a place we called ours. Target browsing and coming back to hang a shower curtain rod and assemble a shower product holder. We did this is an unfurnished and empty apartment, yet strangely it was the only place I wanted to call home. Our home. The 2nd memory being our first true night in our home. Christening the apartment with a bottle of wine and horrid paleo pizza from Rosa's. The look on our faces as we tried to distinguish the abomination of what exactly we had just ordered. The smile and laughter shared in the bedroom we had just claimed as our keep. You questioning the television placement and seeing that smile light up across your face as your eyes laid upon it. Blankets and carpet kept us company the remainder of that first night.

 

I have so much to be thankful for the time we shared. You've shown me what the emotion we call love is. I may not be able to fully grasp love but I have a keen understanding of what true love is now. You've opened my eyes to so many new experiences and forced my eyes onto a broader horizon, that life is a forward motion we can control.

 

There are still deep ceded conflicts that I always question. Shrouded by frustration due to the events that followed with your departure and leaving me behind. A tug of war between two interstellar giants. Two black holes performing a circular dance, one being forgiveness and the other anger. You left me, hastily. Departed from the life we had constructed over time. Communication seemed to lack towards the end, feeling of miserable and stagnation were the voiced culprits, yet I feel these were never truly voiced between us. Do I forgive you for leaving, Yes. I saw the passion in you that I could not achieve and at some point I think you saw some form of stability in me. These may be one sided views and again differences between our views is understandable. Towards the end our time together became a possessive negative instead of a postive reinforcement and that solely falls on me. Maybe it was the monotony of the life we carved or the spontaneity that I could not provide. What I do know is that financial instability was far from being the collapse of our universe.

 

My life has changed drastically from July. I've learned that time travel is possible through love. It can be a beacon to guide towards future or way to look on past events in time. Love is not bound by the 3 dimensional space that we occupy but more so a vessel that allows you to move through it in any direction the individual so chooses.

 

I apologize for the length of this message, the art work you left on the canvas of my heart was very special. A generic letter would have been undeserving.

 

I once told you that I would visit the bridge I wanted to leave open. I still find myself at this place from time to time, skipping stones to other side. Maybe one day we will cross paths again, a stone skipped in my direction. I find myself looking for ripples in the water like ripples in space time.

 

Yours Truly

 

A Soul You Used To Know