Relationship Paradox

[TimePilot]

I have been in a relationship with my gf for three years. Recently she came to my apartment and noticed a empty bottle of wine next to several other bottles that I have kept for sentimental reasons. She asked me about several of the bottles and then proceeded to ask me about the wine bottle. Honestly I didn't even know anything about the bottle and mentioned that I had thought we had drank it together. My gf explained that we had not and wanted an explanation. I didn't know where it had come from and suggested that my daughter may have placed it there. My gf is convinced I am cheating as a result. I have been unable to convince her otherwise.

 

It sucks but I'm curious if anyone has been in a situation like this and how did you resolve it? If you stayed together did it last?

 

To me it was a paradox as I could not convince her that I wasn't cheating and I couldn't admit to cheating when I hadn't. It's horrible because she will likely forever feel like she was cheated on and cause trust issues and for me I have walked away from a relationship that was pretty good. To me it seemed in either case the damages to the relationship would have been insurmountable so I choose to end it.

[catfeeder]

I'd tell GF that she either trusts me enough to thrive in this relationship, or she doesn't, in which case, why bother continuing the relationship?

[TimePilot]

I'd tell GF that she either trusts me enough to thrive in this relationship, or she doesn't, in which case, why bother continuing the relationship?

 

Thanks you for your Reply catfeeder. I agree with you perhaps I am making this to complex. I think I may have been more sensitive to her situation as she had previously been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist and he cheated on her etc. Like wise I had cheated on my ex wife early in our marriage and spent 16 years trying to fix things when she cheated on me and I end my marriage. I think it boils down to trust and you either can or not and if you can't there really isn't a way to fix it. I have been on both sides of the coin and it's really difficult to over come. Just know if you're going to accuse someone you need to be 100% positive because it will destroy your relationship as you know it.

[catfeeder]

Thanks you for your Reply catfeeder. I agree with you perhaps I am making this to complex. I think I may have been more sensitive to her situation as she had previously been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist and he cheated on her etc. Like wise I had cheated on my ex wife early in our marriage and spent 16 years trying to fix things when she cheated on me and I end my marriage. I think it boils down to trust and you either can or not and if you can't there really isn't a way to fix it. I have been on both sides of the coin and it's really difficult to over come. Just know if you're going to accuse someone you need to be 100% positive because it will destroy your relationship as you know it.

 

Consider two forms of mistrust in romantic relationships; suspecting a specific partner of disloyalty based on his or her specific behavior versus being suspicious of 'all men' or 'all women' based on experiences in your own past.

 

The first kind speaks of a bad match with a bad partner, while the second speaks of a no-win perception problem that renders the perceiver as incapable of a healthy relationship. Unless and until one works that stuff out, preferably with a professional, he or she isn't relationship material. Period.

 

Nobody can prove a negative, and it's up to each of us to avoid positioning ourselves with anyone who'd ask us to do so.