The Power of Touch

[ves]

So, I keep reading on all of these flirting sites that a huge sign of if someone likes you is if they touch you. But there are a lot of non-touchy-feely people out there. I always feel weird, really shy touching someone I like, mostly because I'm afraid I'm going to look like a moron. Plus, not everyone is smooth and can work in a sensual but appropriate touch at the right time!

 

I guess I'm wondering what everyone else's experience is with touching people you like and interpreting touching from other people. How do you use or not use touching someone who you like or who you're in a relationship?

[hazlcha]

It may be a cultural thing too. Some cultures see touch as an invasion of private space. Others (like the famous rear-pinching Venetians) are very free with touch. A friendly tap on the arm during a conversation is usually the touch that North Americans mean when they send an "I like you" message. Not anything more than that, or the touchee will get rightly freaked out. The sensual touch you mentioned is only after your both clear that you mutually like each other, and it's appropriate. Never to start with.

[asdf]

hmm, i try not to initiate touching myself, just because things have usually worked out in my favour when the girl touches me first, and cause i'm shy. in the last 12 months:

 

girl i used to work with, kept on "accidentally" bumping into me, obviously quite intentionally. always playfulling pushing me. things went good.

 

friend of a friend of mine who sat next to me when i was showing her a book, tilted her head to look at the book so her long hair would dangle onto my shoulder. also grabbed me by the hand playfully to drag me along somewhere. things went good there.

 

women 8 years older than me sitting next to me at a bar. used her right hand to caress my left leg. things went really good there

 

however, i'm not good at it myself, because the one time i've tried it, it seemed to screw up my rhythm. so i just wait. i'm just shy when it comes to this kind of thing (although i'll put on a confident face usually).

 

but yeah, it's very flattering and comfortable when a girl touches me when flirting. just make it something subtle and light and not aggressive (the woman at the bar scared me initially just cause it was unexpected and so aggressive).

[bomberman]

Ive never actually pre-planned touching someone, theres usually a moment that feels right to touch someone (ie, after he cracks a really good joke or when hes teasing). You should do whatever youre most comfortable with. Most of the time, I won't touch someone until I feel pretty close to them.

 

For me, usually when a guy touches me, I wont think too much of it unless he does it a lot. I also factor in how often he touches other people to gauge how "touchy-feely" he is in general. Spots I think are pretty flirtatious and usually arent accidental include the shoulders/arms, thighs and hair (lol I guess that pretty much covers the whole body). Also the length of contact is very important too. If his paws stay on you for more than 2 seconds Id say thats flirting. Stroking also a huge sign he likes you.

[discordant_verse]

Ves,

 

As I read it, you dont have a problem with the issue of liking someone or trusting someone before trying to touch them. Your problem is fear. If you are afraid, overcome it.

 

Touch is one of the most effective and intimate forms of communication. Nobody lets anybody touch them without some form of trust. Very obvious.

 

Try the simplest forms of touching; hold hands. Just get comfortable holding hands. And very importantly, do it purposefully. After getting his hand into yours, just get comfortable doing that or even swinging hands together and other silly things.

 

After that, hold his arm, his waist or shoulders, learn to message his neck or play with his hair. If he has hair on his arms, pet it. Think about it as a bit of fun.

 

Once you get to it, its all good.

 

Regards

DV

[ShySoul]

Never touched someone like that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable about it. Some people are just naturally shy or careful about their personal space. But if you really like someone then there will come a point where you both know it is right. Just hold hands, no reason to go further if you are not comfortable with it. Go at your own pace, the other person should respect your feelings and wishes. But holding hands is a simple gesture that's not too impersonal and can be just as special and intimate as anything else. At least I hope since I'm about to try that myself.

[ves]

As I read it, you dont have a problem with the issue of liking someone or trusting someone before trying to touch them. Your problem is fear. If you are afraid, overcome it.

Well, as touching relates to me personally... my family, including me, is very tactile. Lots of hugs and things. I'm not in a relationship where I feel uncomfortable touching someone. I have a crush on someone I work with, and I'm just curious what other people's experiences with breaking that private space is. I don't have a lot of relationship experience to interpret signs of someone liking me.

 

As far as that relationships goes, there has been playful swatting and definite invasions of personal space like standing really close. The guy I like isn't exactly a Cassanova (one of the things I like) and neither am I. Plus, it's work and there needs to be a level of professionalism, so it's not like he can start giving me random back rubs or anything totally obvious.

[LostInaTrapOfMyOwn]

I don't have a lot of relationship experience to interpret signs of someone liking me.

Ves, from the sounds of things, he likes you, you like him, so go for it girl! Just ask him if he wants to grab coffee/food/drinks after work and see what happens. And don't even think of it as a date, just think of it as something fun after work, and see what develops.

Plus, it's work and there needs to be a level of professionalism, so it's not like he can start giving me random back rubs or anything totally obvious.

Hehehe, this reminds me of this girl I used to work with. She would just go up to people (male and female) and run her fingers up and down their backs, it was just friendly joking around since she did it to everyone, but a couple ppl had said that they found it pretty confusing the first time!