Rgupta Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 I’ve been struggling with my physical and mental health for most of my life, I started feeling severely suicidal by first grade. I was diagnosed with so many different issues by different doctors that I could not keep track of it all. When I was 14, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and was getting black spots that suggested I was close to diabetes. With this diagnosis, my mental health issues were ignored. I was later diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, sleep apnea, and a few other things. I think the mental illness hurts me more than any other sickness though. I have huge chunks of my life where I completely isolated from the world and can not remember a thing about entire years of my life. Last week I had a panic attack and relapsed on self harm for the first time in 3 1/2 years. I dug my nails right into my skin and left horrible marks all over my legs. I felt so ugly and guilty for it that I did not want to leave the house, be with anyone, or do anything. When I tried to reach out for help while feeling this way, the response I got was “well maybe you shouldn’t have done that.” My act was not intentional and that may be the most frustrating part of having a self harm issue. I have never self harmed on command. It’s only when I reach breaking points, I lash out in the moment. I don’t feel physically or mentally able to work or hold a job. I don’t feel anyone understands how severe my battle is just to stay alive. Or maybe because I’ve been this way so long, it’s old news to them. I’m 20 years old now and I don’t see myself making it to 50. I don’t see it being feasible to cure all of my health issues. So I’m not even seeing a point in trying anymore. It just seems like one issue after another and I’m sick of it. I’m not sure what I can do, if anything to improve my life, if it’s even worth the effort. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.