Daddy0f2 Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 So I had been with my girlfriend for 6 years. We met when I was 24 and she was 18. (I should have known there would be issues considering our age difference, young love what can you do Anyways, life was great, I had a decent job and so did she. We had our own apartment, living simple, living comfortably. Next thing you know we have a baby on the way. Fast forward and we have a 6 month old, life comes at you fast. I decide to take a new job that's promising with better pay for the benefit of my family. During this trial period with my new job, we decided to move in with my mom to save some money and this is where everything goes wrong. My new job allows me to work from home, so I do so. Truthfully I have no idea how people manage that life style. I'm at home trying to,learn this new job while taking care of a baby all day. Turns out I hate this new job and my life becomes a living hell because I'm working on my computer all hours of the day up until 1-2 am sometimes talking with suppliers in China. I couldn't get a break. I should have quit while I could, but I still had bills that needed to be paid. Anyways, my girlfriend was VERY depressed about being at my moms, it wasn't a very good environment. There was tension between my girlfriend and mom. I ALWAYS took my girlfriends side and was always in her corner. My girlfriend, being in this situation, became very attached to me and tbh she's always been that way. Had no real friends to talk to other than me and her siblings which are many miles away from her. Between me hating my job, watching a baby by myself everyday and constantly being latched onto made me spread myself SO thin. I couldn't deal with everything so unfortunately my relationship suffered. I needed my own space and to an extent I think everyone does. Everyone needs a hobbie and some friends. I chose to confide in other things half of my spare time. I gave half my time to,her and half my time to personal hobbies, gaming, hanging with my friends. My girlfriend deeply disliked almost everything I did that didn't involve her. This carried on for sometime a year or so. We moved out, got a new home renting. Fast forward, a year, we find out we are pregnant again. Mind I still,have the same job, I'm trying manage my dislike for it, I'm just pushing through. Hoping it will change for the better soon. At this point our relationship is still OK so I thought. I thought we had moved passed a lot of the prior issues regarding time spent with each other. Sex was distant at best. As she was pregnant we had sex 3 times. I always pushed for sex and was consistently turned down during our relationship. I wasn't deprived by any means, my point is is that I was always the initiator and took my rejections with a grain of salt. My girlfriend may be initiated sex 5 times in a total of 6 years. Sex was always great when we did have it. Both were always left satisfied. Anyways , of the 5 times I never rejected her, although there was one time when I was drunk and tired, but I was able to make it happen, but there was hesitancy in my voice. She never forgot that and always brought it up in arguments. She thought I wasn't attracted to her and that whole speel. Untrue. I always was attracted and during the pregnancy I'm sorry. I know its natural to have sex during a pregnancy, but for some reason for me it was difficult. Yet I still did it the few times. I should have been more open during that time for sex. Yet, mind you she never initiated sex either during that time. I appreciate a little change in that dept. Fast forward, now our 2ndd son is 6 months . We have had a very difficult 6 months adapting to our new life with two children. Sex simply didn't happen. Nobody initiated. We were always tired. Never had a break, nobody could ever watch our kids so we could get alone time to even go out on a date. Two kids is VERY difficult to manage when your young new parents. Our relationship suffered, which in my opinion is not just my fault. 2 people are to blame. An October night around 10 pm she brings me in the garage after the boys fall asleep to tell me she wants "to find out who she is because she's never had a chance" and that "she will always love me" mind you I'm 30 years old now and her 24. To some extent I understand, but from my perspective, now that I understand how she feels, because in some ways I feel similar , but never questioned our relationship. To me, this can be worked on, she can "go find out who she is" as an individual , make some friends, go out, enjoy a hobby. All while having a family to come home to. I've always supported her finding friends and finding a hobby. Ill watch the kids go have fun. Id expect the same in return I always have, but no. To her its essentially over. Decision made. My question is does anyone think her logic is valid? Shoildnt this be worked on rather than running from? This is a family . this isn't just some small chapter in your life. This is forever. If we were both that unhappy, which obviously I wasn't as unhappy as she was, why didn't she express that fully? I would have tried harder I would have done what was necessary to save my family, but most everything was just unspoken. To me there needs to be another chance for change before any bold decisions like this are made right? I thought this was a phase in every relationship especially to new parents . full time job, 2 kids, life is uncontrollably busy at this point, but to me there's always a way to work through it. now I'm moving out and were splitting the kids up every other week and she seems happy as can be. I don't understand it. Its crazy to throw 6 years away and break a family apart over something that virtually was unspoken of. I can't help but think there's someone else involved. I hope someone can relate. Ill accept any and all critisicm . hope my blabber made sense in some way. There was A lot of backstory for you to understand and there's A lot that I likely left out, but this is what I thought most important and likely the demise of my relationship . Link to comment
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