You don't know what you've got until it's gone. And do good things come to those who wait?

[fenlauriautumn]

, I weren't sure 100% where to even place this post but hope it's in the right category here .

 

Long story short ? I can't stop feeling exhausted and grey inside, almost daily.. It happened after a break-up, with someone I knew for about 5 years now.

 

I drank a fair amount of whiskey from the bottle a few days ago . And although I know it wouldn't make it all go away, jeez it I just needed and wanted to take the edge off of everything

 

Anyway I wonder what I could do to make things better even if that does feel very unlikely at this moment in time.

 

I've also been feeling suicidal A LOT, recently.

 

I have always had suicidal thoughts and ideations when I've gone through a bad patch or just feel extremely alone .

 

This guy was the only man who didn't talk to me either like a piece of meat or a child, he was also self-less, warm and funny. But anyway he's gone now because I messed things up big time in the past with him. But I can't change that now, all I need to know is how the hell to cope

 

I also have a medical condition and am not very close to my father (who is a possible narc)

 

Suggestions would be welcome

 

Thanks.

[catfeeder]

You're raising some pretty serious stuff. Have you pursued a therapeutic assessment?