Getting back together?

[Siyco90]

Hi, so my ex (been together 2 years) broke up with me last Tuesday and all I’ve thought about since is getting back with her. The reason she did, was the fact I took the relationship for granted, stopped being romantic and taking her out, not doing stuff together that much, basically the last 2 months.

Unfortunately it’s tsken her breaking up with me to realise how much of a I’ve been, like taking it for granted not putting effort into it. Havnt been romantic in months!

I gave her space and saw her last Thursday and just said look I just want to say how sorry I am that I did take you for advantage and didn’t put enough effort in etc. She said she fed up and annoyed I didn’t do anything or realise this months ago. I left it at that.

Then yesterday she came round mine to have a chat and pick her stuff up, I ended up saying how annoyed I am at my self, and how I should of noticed and changed sooner! I said I want to prove you to how I can change, but I respect your decision and there’s probably nothing I can say that will change your mind. She then went to leave and decided not to take her stuff, and said I’ll pick it all up some time soon? (Which thought was really weird) I then flirted a little and made her smile, saying like jokingly, do you miss me then? She smiled and said a little. I then said oh just a little!? Well a little I can work with!

Anyways I left it at that, and we casually snapchat each other today! I’m just really confused and feel like I probably do have a chance at getting her back, but don’t want to it up! I work with her to which makes it worse, but I’ve just been really like happy upbeat and jokey with her at work.

I love her to bits and I’m devasted loosing her, can’t imagine life without her and honestly wanted to marry her and have a family.

Any advice getting her back will help! And what you think?

[kctiger]

It's easy to turn around and say you'll change once things reach the extreme. Why did you stop being romantic and start taking the relationship for granted in the first place? Did you just get complacent and bored? I mean, if this is someone you wanted to marry, I don't see how you would let that happen. You want her back because she introduced some unpredictability and control into this situation - which is something you thought you had (generally the person who takes someone else for granted is the one who assumes they have the upper hand). In truth, you want her back because she dumped you and you're in shock. We always want what we realize we no longer have - even more so when we aren't the ones who chose when to end the relationship. I've seen this way too many times, where one person is determined to change for sake of making it work, only to revert back to the way it was before. Can you pinpoint the underlying reason you lost interest in the relationship? If you can't, then I really don't see the point in even trying to get back together. I'd cut off all contact with her, end the casual joking and bantering (it comes off as though you're trying to prove yourself - stop trying so hard), and give her space. Making her miss you is about the best you can hope for. Unfortunately, even if she does come back, the odds are not in your favor that it would work long term unless you can identify the true issues and resolve them together.

[Siyco90]

It's easy to turn around and say you'll change once things reach the extreme. Why did you stop being romantic and start taking the relationship for granted in the first place? Did you just get complacent and bored? I mean, if this is someone you wanted to marry, I don't see how you would let that happen. You want her back because she introduced some unpredictability and control into this situation - which is something you thought you had (generally the person who takes someone else for granted is the one who assumes they have the upper hand). In truth, you want her back because she dumped you and you're in shock. We always want what we realize we no longer have - even more so when we aren't the ones who chose when to end the relationship. I've seen this way too many times, where one person is determined to change for sake of making it work, only to revert back to the way it was before. Can you pinpoint the underlying reason you lost interest in the relationship? If you can't, then I really don't see the point in even trying to get back together. I'd cut off all contact with her, end the casual joking and bantering (it comes off as though you're trying to prove yourself - stop trying so hard), and give her space. Making her miss you is about the best you can hope for. Unfortunately, even if she does come back, the odds are not in your favor that it would work long term unless you can identify the true issues and resolve them together.

 

I guess I just thought I was happy how we were and so was she! I see now why she feels like she does, putting all the effort in and myself being selfish and expecting it to resolve around me. I was a and I honestly feel now I’m self aware I can change and keep it that way. I want her and no one else, she is 100% the one for me