I ruined it all

[veronica1984]

I loved David, him and I were meant to be together, we've only known eachother a year but when I confessed I cheated on him last night when he was angry he said "You don't know how close I came to asking you to marry me, now I don't ever want to hear from you again" I don't blame him, but I do wish he'd forgive me. I don't know why I even did it! I was drunk and never wanted this to happen. I think in my completely drunken state of irrationality I was hurt because he left on Friday night after getting here when he had to leave because his mom got sick. I waited all day Saturday to see if he was able to come back, but he didnt. So I drank and drank til I barely recal the miserable events that unfolded. I slept with this guy off the net when he dumped me before because I drank too much. I really absolutely didn't like this interent guy, I felt really used before when he came over before, but looking at the IM history he basically asked if he could come over for oral sex, and I said yes! I DON'T KNOW WHY !!! I can't stand myself, why the hell did I do that! I love david and never EVER wanted to hurt him, but I did, I threw away the love of a lifetime because I have poor coping mechanisims and an alcohol problem.

 

On top of that, while the interent guy was here, David tried calling me 9 times saying he wanted to visit that night

 

I called him way too much and he answered finally and said he cant stand the thought of me, ever again. He said he would not forgive me, that he wants to keep his dignity and cut me out of his life forever. That the only reasion he answered his phone was because I kept calling. I can't move on though, the last time he broke up with me I was paralyzed with grief pretty much, I couldnt eat and got down to 80lbs, I couldnt sleep I just layed in bed and cried for the two months it took for him to come around again. I don't know how he could ever forgive me after this, but I NEED HIM TO, I can't live without him even though he can me now. What can I do, do you think he'll be back in my life or should I check myself into a psych hospital?

[lady00]

There are several things going on here...you say you have and alcohol problem...you really need to get help for that. Another thing is that right now it may seem like this breakup is the end of the world but it isn't...there will be other boyfriends...you are only 20, there's plenty of time for you to meet others. You made some mistakes in this situation and your ex has made it pretty clear that he isn't coming back. You need to stop thinking about trying to get him back and start thinking about yourself, healing from this breakup and figuring out this alcohol thing. The way you reacted to the first breakup is not healthy...laying in bed for two months...what you need to do now is the opposite. Eat, exercise, take care of your body and the mind will follow...and by all means, seek the help and support of others...you don't have to go it alone. But please, try your best to avoid contacting your ex. He doesn't want to hear from you and trying to talk to him or actually talking to him will only make you feel worse. That's not what you need right now...you need to take care of yourself and make sure that you realize that you can and will live without him. Don't let this man make or break your happiness and please, forgive yourself. Yes, you cheated and that was bad but you need to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made...beating yourself up about it now won't help you feel any better about the situation. Accepting that the relationship is over and healing will.

[Hope75]

I have to agree with Lady 2000,

 

The very first thing you need to address is your drinking problem. It seems that when you get drinking you lose control of yourself and that 's when you get into trouble.

 

I suggest getting in touch with a local AA group, and let your friends and family know what is going on, you are going to need support to stay away from alcohol.

 

As for the situation with David, this is the second time you've split up? The fact is, whatever the reason you let this happen, you cheated on him, and he is hurt and angry, and that is understandable. For now I think you need to leave him be and stop trying to contact him, he clearly doesn't want to hear from you right now, and I wish I could say different but I don't know of this relationship is going to be able to be saved.

 

Whether or not it is, for you first, you really need to get some help for the drinking, and once you get on your feet with that, worry about what you can do to prove to David that you have changed and that you won't let something like this happen in the future.

 

I have to warn though, he may not forgive you, and that is something you may have to swallow, and forgive yourself for, as part of your recovery from alcoholism.

 

Good Luck and let us know what happens.

[MiquelAngelo]

Funny cause it's almost always the other way around. I grew up with alcohol in my family and although certain "Professionlas" say kids with alcoholic parents turn out to be drinkers too, I have to disagree. I don't drink and never will, don't smoke or do drugs either, and my dates can't do it.

 

If I were David I'd keep as far away from you as possible. I know it sounds mean but how can he ever trust you again?

 

[moe42]

sry girl but i agree with miquel After somthing like this he will always wonder what your doing who your with and if your telling the truth...that alone would break you up if you did ever get back together because he would literally be driving himself insane...as for your drinking problem didnt you take a hint when the man you love broke up with you for this and yet here you are...my only advice is get help asap because it can only get worse because lets say you two do get back together its VERY likely the same exact thing will happen....or maybe you never get back together and you move on and have another realationship will you do this to this guy and the next man you love...you need to think about what is more important...Ok heres my sob story im only 15 but ive probably done more drugs and drank more than you ever will when i was in 8th grade...(basically home was bad started hanging out with the wrong people and one thing led to another) i was using all the time and drunk became sober to me i drank so much but my best friends pulled me out of it...it took a while but they didnt give up well i didnt completely stop i still drank a little at parties and "social events" then i met my current boyfriend and he lost his mom to alchahol and drugs (not by death...his dad was in the navy came home one day and found beer bottles EVERYWHERE and drugs so they left and never saw her again) well he made me promise not to do any of it again and i havnt and it hasnt been easy but he is helping me i havnt used or drank in almost a year and a half and we are really happy we have some plans and all that....THAT IS WHAT YOU NEED!!!!!!! YOU NEED A STABLE WORKING LIFE ALTERING SUPPORT GROUP

[Shea]

Delete

[Cecelius]

I'd leave him alone. At some point, you might push him to say what he really thinks, which I don't think would you would benefit from hearing.

 

You learned a lesson about cheating, just don't cheat again (or at least make sure that you don't date any men with sick moms).