I need help

[beantts]

Hello viewers of eNotAlone. I'm a 17 year old male who is into this girl. Her and I chatted for a few weeks back in January, but I had major surgery so I couldn't keep it up, and she eventually found a boyfriend. About a month ago, her, me, and a couple of friends started hanging out together. Her boyfriend, for the last few months, has been distant from her and I want to take his place (insult me all you want).

 

My feelings for her have grown, and I can tell that hers have for me as well. One of our mutual friends asked her if she loved me and she replied, "Well I wouldn't put it like that..." instead of saying no, as well as saying she was confused with her feelings toward me and her boyfriend. This last weekend we were at a party together and she did things like sit on my lap, lay next to me on a bed, cry about her boyfriend, etc. Additionally, this is the MOST loyal girl I've ever seen, so her doing this type of behavior was a surprise to me.

 

A mutual friend of ours' birthday party is coming up this weekend, and her boyfriend's gonna be there. But he hates drinking and hates when she drinks, which will happen at the party. So my question to you wonderful people is this: What should I do? Should I try and do what I did last weekend by getting close to her like she's my girlfriend even though he's there and see how they respond? Should I sit back and do nothing? Or do you guys think I'm being used as emotional support only? Maybe she's using this party to see who she truly wants to be with more? Any reply would be appreciated. Also I may be forgetting something minor so feel free to ask additional questions if there's any confusion.

 

Thanks!

[pippy longstocking]

What should I do? Should I try and do what I did last weekend by getting close to her like she's my girlfriend even though he's there and see how they respond?

 

No no no no ....how would you feel if she ends up with you and some dude does that in front of you ...treat your fellow man as a brother , not an enemy .

 

I would also stop the support for her so you don't end been her shoulder to cry on .

 

Stay out of it until the relationship ends and then let her come to you .

[ShatteredMan]

I think you're setting yourself up for a big disappointment. You're probably in the "friendzone" and you don't realize it because you've made yourself in her "male girlfriend" for emotional support. Movies that show the "nice guy" who pines after the hot girl who is being mistreated or devalued by the high school QB/bully and eventually gets her because she gets sick of the guy ---NEVER HAPPENS. This is fantasy, not reality.

 

Also, you don't want to be this girl's rebound and you don't want to have to deal with her current boyfriend in a drunken fight at a keg party out in the woods. (Did that back in the day. Don't be me.)

 

You should be nice but don't comfort her or be her shoulder to cry on. Instead, take a look at some of her cute friends (or since you're in high school - start paying attention to a girl that she hates!) This will get her attention far more than being the male GF.

 

She probably knows that you want her to be your GF and is keeping you as a backup. Don't let her do this. Find another girl and take your attention away from this one that is using you. If you really do this, you may find that there's one that has had a crush on you for a while and while she may not be what this fantasy girl is to you now, you will find that she wants to be with you, isn't going to use you as a shoulder to cry on and you'll be happier for it.

 

When I was in HS, I was nuts about this smokin' hot girl from Norway that showed up our sophomore year. She latched onto a senior but used me as the backup/male girlfriend for a while. Another girl saw what was going on and essentially gave me the advice that I gave above. I turned my attention to another girl (not as beautiful but cute nonetheless) and all of a sudden, the Norwegian started calling me at home and stopping by my car and locker a lot.

 

This happened to the point that her BF started noticing. We were both on the varsity lacrosse team and he started looking for opportunities to take cheap shots on me during drills at practice. Sure enough, we had it out in the parking lot one day, in the locker room the next and had tense situations with his punk @$$ at keg parties etc.

 

All the while, I kept devoting my attention to this other girl, which made the Norwegian's bf look like a **** everytime he started something with me, to the point that guys were making fun of him because his girlfriend was pulling away from him, especially since he realized that she wasn't going to stop paying attention to me because it made him mad. I'm sure that it was a manipulative thing she was doing to both of us.

 

I never got to date her, but hindsight being 20/20, the girl that I chose to pursue turned out to be a lot better. She really started to "develop" our junior year, upped her style game and really started turning some heads and we really had a good relationship. In sum, she was the right girl for all the right reasons....but if I'd chosen to pursue that Norwegian the way you're doing.....I would have never had a great girl as a girlfriend in high school.

[sickgirl]

In my opinion, the only way you will know if she will break up with him and be with you is if you ask her directly. It seems you two are dancing around the issue. Signs are being given, but they are difficult to interpret, right? I’d just cut to the chase and ask her what’s up instead of keep wondering. Then, you can decide what to do next. Good luck