Forgotten so easily?

[serenity25]

Hi, so I posted once before about how my boyfriend left me. It was so sudden. No previous talk of being unhappy with me, etc. He said it just hit him like a ton of bricks, he didn't love me anymore and wasn't happy. He didn't know what would make him happy, but he knew he was happy in his small town playing in a band. He had promised that he would move to where I am this summer, go to school and that we would get married and have children- we had the names picked out and talked about them all the time. To suddenly have someone that called you multiple times every day, said they couldn't imagine life without you, just not call at all. It seems that he just doesn't care at all anymore. Once he broke it off, that was it- no concern over how I was dealing with it. My initial response was to think that there was someone else. He insists that is not the case and because he has said other hurtful things like not missing me, not loving me or wanting me anymore, I for some reason believe there isn't anyone else right now. But who knows. Just please help me understand how a little over a week ago we were talking about our live together, he was saying how he couldn't imagine life without me and then we have a serious discussion about when he is going to move and BAM- I am cut from his life. The one time I did talk to him I said I thought he was making a big mistake and that he would regret it one day. He said he probably would...what is with that? He will say that he will probably regret it but yet doesn't ever call. It just hurts sooo bad to realize each day that he must not miss me because he never makes any form of contact. He use to seem sooo sincere in his love for me, wanting to care for me, wanting to be with me...he still says I am an amazing, beautiful person but it just hit him like a ton of bricks that he doesn't want this anymore. Well, it is too much of a shock for me to understand. Do you think he may still regret his decision? As of Saturday it will have been one week since he left me. He said he tried convincing himself that he could be happy and that is why just the day before he told me he loved me more than anything in the world and couldn't imagine life without me....but that makes it worse for me because there was absolutely no warning. Please help.

[tarheelfan]

Hon... I am right there with you, only it's been over 2 weeks for me. Because I am in YOUR shoes... it will be hard for me to give you advice or answers... but I will be glad to listen.

 

I can only tell you how I am feeling. You asked if he still loved you. Well, having gone through the EXACT same thing you did... I can only choose to believe that yes, he still loves you. He can't cope with SOMETHING and who knows if you (or I) will ever find out. He clearly needs some space... so give him that. Don't force anything. As hard as it is... give him time to think... and who knows what conclusion he will come to.

 

When someone does something like this, as hard as it is for people like you and I to understand, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you. The problems may, and probably DO, run much deeper than that.

 

Best of luck.

[serenity25]

It makes more sense to me to think that there was something he couldn't deal with, like the move or thoughts of school...the pressures. But yet, when asked after he did this he calmly said that he did love me but that he didn't anymore so if he could actually say that, it is nearly impossible to think that he still does or ever really did...though in my heart I know he did. But that is just it, it was sooo sudden...there was no talk of thinking about taking a break or anything, but he hasn't said anything about a break even now...he made a quick, clean break. So if he acted like this so suddenly, and cannot even have contact with me right now, is there even any hope that he really does still love me? Is it possible for guys to feel numb or ignore feelings when they feel very pressured..I mean he was basically trying to change his whole life for me..but to just suddenly tell someone you don't love them days after they said you were their world...I don't know. Any thoughts?

[Rainz]

Angelbaby,

 

I am going though the exact same thing as you right now. The only person who knows what's going on with his feelings is him. If he really loves you then his feelings wouldn't, couldn't just switch off. However, I go by the "actions speak louder thean words", yesterday was 2 weeks of NC with me and my ex. I know he has many pressures/issues in his life right now. I think he just didn't know how to juggle everything and was overhwelmed, but, in my view, all he had to do is just say that he needed sapce etc...but when it comes to commicating on "serious" issues, he doesn't doo too well in that area. I've just been doing my best to get on with my life. I think that's really what you need to do, it may not be what you want to hear but, he's made a choice to work towards his musical career and as much as it hurts that he's done that, you have to accept it. If he truly loves you he'll be back, and that how I think of it with my ex.