Moving on from being dumped for another girl?

[SidNotVicious]

Ok so I'm new here and I decided to come here for advice because it seems like it could help. Anyways, I'm 18(f) and I was with my ex boyfriend a year and a half and it was my first real relationship. He broke up with me on July 1st as he "needs time and doesn't want to be tied down" with college coming up for both of us. He's going to a different school which isn't the issue, we had talked about our future plans and how we would get together during the school year, on weekends. It came as a surprise to me because I genuinely believed he loved me, I was his first real love although he had previous relationships. I never had anyone else before and I gave this boy the entire world. I only had the best intentions for him, I wanted the best for him and I did everything I possibly could. Moving on, I found out he left me for the girl in his band who's a year younger than us (she's going into 12th grade). This has hit me hard and I feel like I'm back at square one in terms of trying to forget him. I've been keeping myself busy with my friends, working on improving my self esteem and becoming a person that won't let anyone take advantage of and I have realized at this point that I'm worth more than he showed me, I gave him love that he didn't even want and didn't deserve but I'm still so hurt by the fact he left me for her. I don't know how long ago he stopped loving me while we were together and I feel so useless. I'm honestly at a loss for words, I don't know what else she could give him that I didn't (other than the fact she smokes cigarettes and pot 24/7 and I'm not into that and he seems to like it) and it just hurts so badly. However I shouldn't be surprised because the girl he was with before me told me he dumped her because the distance in their relationship was "too much for him" (yes I'm friends with his ex it just kinda happened but she's a total sweetheart and has supported me this whole time) yet he told me later on that he left her for me because he knew the first time we hung out he wanted me so he dumped her before I even had feelings for him. This isn't the first time he's played dirty but I'm at a loss, why am I still hurting after a month? I've accepted what's happened, I know there was nothing else I could do and I don't want to hurt anymore because it's not worth it but why am I still upset over it? Thanks.

[seanryder]

It's not scientific, but as a rule-of-thumb it takes people on average about three months per year you were together to get over someone.....in your case that would be about four and a half months....so you've a bit to go yet time-wise. It will speed things along by staying NC, deleting all reference to him, social media etc......everytime you have a sneak-peek you set yourself back in time.

 

Hope this helps.

[SidNotVicious]

Hi seanryder, thanks for the reply. I've done that, deleted him off of everything and haven't checked up on him. I'm still hurt by the fact he left so brutally and the fact he doesn't give a crap about me after everything I did for him. I've accepted that it's who he is, he's a low life with no compassion and doesn't care about anyone else but himself i just feel stupid at this point for having wasted so much time on him. The pain is still there even though I don't have feelings for him anymore

[GGunsure]

You deserve so MUCH better!!! You may not be the woman he wants; but, you may be the woman another is looking for. Be patient. Be positive and continue to walk forward and not look behind. When you keep looking behind you keep that unwanted baggage on your back and soon it becomes heavy. Until you lighten the load then you know that life is so much better. Take the journey and do it one day at a time; and more so, take care of yourself!!

[SidNotVicious]

Hi GGunsure, than you so much. I've been doing just that, I've kept myself busy and haven't checked up on him. I do believe he loved me at some point, we had similar interests in terms of music, movies, sports but I guess in the end that wasn't enough for him as our lifestyles clashed. He doesn't really want to do anything with his life, he basically wants to be a bum and smoke up all the time and not do anything else and I want to be successful and do well. I've realized I deserve better, why I wasn't "good enough" for him I'll never understand but I guess he just wants less. I've been trying to move on it's still just hard cause it was my first relationship, we were together for a long time and part of me worries I won't find someone else or at least not someone with my interests. I suppose all I can do is just keep going on

[GGunsure]

You don't need to understand why you were not good enough for him. Look in the mirror and tell yourself "I am worthy today and my plan is to make the best of today for each tomorrow". Be positive. This was your first relationship and you know everyone had a first relationship, a second and a third. Make each tomorrow a day to look forward to.....Make a bucket list of all the things you want to do or wish to do. Everything from family, health, entertainment, travel, education. Don't give yourself a deadline but just do. You will notice that some are harder to do than others and that's ok. Going through and accomplishing the list not only allows you to achieve; but, also shows that you are capable. SidNotVicious, keep going, keep moving forward, be positive and be the person someone else is looking for.

[SidNotVicious]

Thank you again, GGunsure it means a lot. I've been trying to drill that into my mind and I've been doing that. I also have a part time job now so I'll be busy with that and college starting in September. I like to believe the right people will come into my life and that good things will happen. I've been working on my own self esteem issues and focusing on my friends and getting back into drawing and painting again and it feels therapeutic. I just hope the pain ends sooner than later and because I'm sensitive I'm worried it'll linger longer than it should. I don't want to think of him, he's not worth my time