Not sure what is wrong with me

[khujo56]

Hi Guys

 

I have been single now for about 4 years. the problem i have is that i was so hurt during my last relationship that i am afraid of getting hurt again. i do meet girls but for some reason i fall for them to easily which leads to me getting hurt again or i keep my distance so they don't get to know me sort of a defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt. i also have a problem where i always think that i am bothering them when i call, which leads me not to calling them at all...is this a normal thing and if so how do i stop it from happening again. i mean i would really like to have a girlfriend again..single life is great but it does get lonley most of the times.

thanks for your help and listening

[melrich]

Being scared of being hurt in a relationship is pretty normal..everyone feels it to a certain degree when entering a new relationship (unless they don't care about the other person).

 

Fact is you can never be 100% sure you won't be hurt so that is the first thing you really have to accept, giving your heart to someone entails a certain amount of risk.

 

You mention the feeling you have when you call a g/f...that you might be bothering them. Do you ever feel the same way with friends? With your boss at work? This osunds more like a self-esteem issue. Maybe you could seek out a course in raising your self-esteem and confidence. Tere is no real trick to it..it's about knowing and accepting who you are and loving yourself for it. Easy said....

[Aksinia]

My boyfriend had been hurt many times before he met me (the perfect girlfriend and love of his life, lol) and it really shows. Although he's gradually regained his confidence, being hurt that many times damages your self esteem, and makes it harder to work up the courage to love again. You need to realize that there are many girls out there, and there has to be at least one who will love you for who you are and treat you well. They key is to not give up, and to learn to respect and admire yourself. Confidence is a very attractive quality, and you'll be more likely to be happy in a relationship if you are confident.

 

Also, don't feel as though you are bothering girls when you call. Calling shows that you are interested in a girl, and that you are thinking about her enough to pick up the phone. As long as you aren't calling every single day (in a new relationship) you're fine.

 

As for falling for girls too quickly, perhaps you are idealizing the girls you meet, i.e. imagining that they are perfect and that they are your soulmates before you have the chance to really get to know them. Having a more realistic outlook and getting to know potential girlfriends better (i.e. taking it sloooooow) will probably help avoid some of your heartbreak.

 

Good luck!

[nexus532]

well, for the calling thing, if you don't see her at least once per day give her a call, unless she is in her period(sorry if thats offending to anyone).If she is in her period try to give her some alone time but still keep some conncetion with her. Its natural to feel hurt after realtionships, but you must think that one day you will find a girl that loves you so you must not become distant from her.YEAH