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blaming, micro-managing stakeholder, what to do

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I recently started working on one project in a new company. The company is quite okay, However, in the project there is one stakeholder who is a horrible nightmare. He takes the role of project manager. He checks everything I do, even told me he was doing my role earlier. I am very experienced. When he comes to instruct using tell-do approach on very detailed level, I am annoyed. It means I am not able to do my work in the most suitable way I see fit. Also he changes his mind constantly and lies. At the end, if something goes wrong, it is my fault. Even it is part of his fault, he would complain to my boss/management that I made a mistake. I have been very angry with this.


He also complain to my boss how he has many concerns about my work, though none of it is fact-based. I actually just delivered good results within schedule. But it means nothing to him. He works long hours and he expects any time he has something in his mind, I would be sitting in the office waiting for him. It is nonsense as our team is virtual team. There is phone, email, online meetings where we have no problem in reaching people and getting an answer. My company allows remote work from home and flexible hours. When I told him I need to leave, he went to my boss again telling he has difficulty finding me. The truth is I work on two projects same time. I spend only half of my time on his project.


Then my boss told me I cannot work remote or do flexible hours. I commute 2 hours one way to office. I am exhausted and cannot focus on my work. I have to all the time fending off his rubbish requests and defend myself to my boss. As he is also stakeholder for my boss, my boss told me I must make him happy.


Now he is again ordering me to complete one task which is his task. I said I am not the right person for it. He is the responsible person. He went to my boss and using my boss to force to take over a task which he has already delayed in delivering. The reason I can see is he would then blame me for not being able to deliver to the management while he keeps all credits to himself.


I feel down and not supported. What worries me is my boss's attitude as well. The guy said openly my boss let him do whatever he wants. Before our performance review, he told me he would give feedback to my boss and said lots of bad things. Luckily in the first year, no new hire will get salary raise.


My good work is not appreciated. Instead I am blamed and lied about with a meek boss who has no spine.


What should I do?

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First, paper trail - communicate by email or similar only - and second I would minimize all the issues that have to do with annoyance or a bruised ego -get them off your radar because it's not worth the stomach acid/headaches/stress.


I'd avoid focusing on whose task it is -if he asks you to make him coffee, do it. Finish the project and try to avoid dwelling on whose task it is - if you want to keep your job, put that to the side for now, do it and if you hated the project and will have to work with him again, get your resume in order and start looking -but looking is much easier with a current job and positive references.


Concerns about work are often not fact-based - it's not always fair but that's life. It's about playing nicely in the sandbox at times.


As far as the commute, if you took the job relying on the ability to telework, find where that was documented and approach your boss in a non-confrontational way to talk about expectations. If he insists that you need to be on site and that is something that is too exhausting for you, that's ok, start looking. Minimize the negativity and rigidity at least for now so you don't escalate the situation. Best of luck.

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thanks, it helps. actually I have a question would really like to know the answer,what's the strategy to handle the blaming game? I did as he requested then I noticed this gives him reason to blame things on me. I often try to defend myself, wondering if there is better way to do it.

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