Feeling down after unexpected meeting

[Dazednconfused79]

Hello all,

 

I'm back on here again, and thought I'd been doing pretty well since I was last on here back in Feb. I'm just going to vent for a while if thats ok. Any opinions and suggestions would be nice though!

 

A quick recap would be to say my Ex and I are no longer speaking. We'd been getting on quite well but I stupidly sent her a friendly Valentine's card and she went mad. She asked for a break and some space. Of course I've given her this, stuck to NC since. It's been soooo hard, I still want to email her or call her every day but I don't.

 

Funny thing happened this weekend. I had had a feeling that for some reason she would be in my town this weekend, visiting her friend here. No idea where I got this idea from, it was just a gut feeling. Anyway, I went out with people for a friend's birthday. We had planned to go to a club that I'd never been to before, but I did know my Ex had been there a good few times, when she visited my town. I thought that there being 52 weekends in a year that my gut feeling was rubbish and she wouldn't be there and a good night would be had by all.

 

WELL I WAS WRONG! We head to queue up and who should be there? The Ex!!!!! What are the odds!!!!!??? Anyway my stomach turned I started feeling pretty upset. I didn't think she'd seen me walk past her but as we were queueing she stepped out and was clearly looking back at me. After queueing for ages we decided to give up and go elsewhere. We walked past her again and she didn't even look at me. She was looking at the ground playing with her jacket. That was the last I saw of her. Still had a good night out though, but couldn't sleep.

 

What saddens as well is we have a supposedly mutual friend. Even she ignored me and didn't say hello.

 

I've been pretty miserable since then. I still miss her like mad and would take her back any time. I'm doing ok, been out partying, keeping myself looking good, eating pretty well and pushing myself in my career. It's been nearly 6months and our anniversary would have been this week. I still struggle to sleep and can't get her out of my head.

 

When will this end? Why does this torture keep on going?!!!

[Hope75]

HI Dazed,

 

Ugh, I'm sorry you are stil going through a hard time. We always feel like we've made such progress and then one sighting or meeting with the ex and we are plummetted back into the first days of agony.

 

This is a normal feeling, you still harbour feelings for her and seeing her in person can bring all that rushing back. It can feel like a slap in the face that you truly are over, and that hurts.

 

The only consolation I can offer is that things will get better, and you will recover quicker from this sighting then from your breakup, you are doing all the right things to keep busy, now you just have to let time do it's magic.

 

Hang in there, it gets easier...

[Dazednconfused79]

Thank you for your responses.

 

It was just like another slap in the face from her. I hardly slept at all last night. The toughest times are at night. Wondering if I should have been bolder and said hello, wondering if she thinks about me at all......

 

I realise I'm still harboring hopes that she will change her mind one day and get back in contact.

 

I kinda hoped she'd have at least said hello, but I guess from her actions that either she's so repulsed by me that she didn't want to or maybe it stirred emotions in her again and she found it too uncomfortable to say anything. I think the fact that I was with my incredibly attractive new female flat mate at the time might have had a little effect as well. I hope so!

 

The temptation to drop her a quick email to say hi and apologise for not saying anything to her is so great. But I want to keep up the NC I've been doing and give her the space she asked for.

[cassiana]

You assume the fact that she ignored you is rejection. That's not so. Considering all you have been through together?apart lately she just didn't have the resources to cope. You ignored her too, probably for the same reason. She's probably think that you snubbed her too. It's hard seeing an ex but you can learn nothing from her behaviour as she can have learned nothing from you. As for the mutual friend, she/he was in an awkward position, it certainly wasn't a snub at you.

[Dazednconfused79]

I see what you are getting at. I'm doing the usual dumpee thing of over analysing.

 

Can't blame me for feeling rejected though. We've both been hurt by all of this so I guess the feelings could still be mutual about seeing each other and feeling uncomfortable.

 

I've not given her any reason to be nasty towards me. I certainly have let her off the hook and given her an easy break up.

[cassiana]

I gave my ex an easy break-up. He had absolutely no reason to dump me. We never even had a fight. He was still extremely cold to me after the break-up. I didn't deserve it. He was still cold. He apologised to me a year later. This shows that he knew what he did was cruel. She probably is aware of what shes doing now too. So you need to maintain your dignity, and don't crawl or criticise.

[shockeddismayed]

Dazed,

 

Don't let this bother you. Imagine.... here you are feeling somehow guilty for giving her a valentines day card when it was clear you were both getting along.

 

Right now she is probably thinking "oh my gosh... he's so mad at me he wouldn't even speak to me... what have I done".

 

But whatever... it DOESN'T matter what she is thinking... it matters what she does. And right now all you know is that she threw away a good thing, and hasn't the courage or the interest to come back and realize it.

 

Until she does, she is not worth anything but fond memories to you. Let this contact pass... do not break NC. When and if she figures things out, she will contact you. You've left everything in a good place.

 

Keep on keepin on my friend.

 

S&D

 

PS: I agree with the others about the friend... all of this is very tough and awkward for all parties. I wouldn't worry about the friend at all.... there are bigger fish to fry (like worrying about your own happiness, independent of the ex and her friends)

[Dazednconfused79]

Thanks S&D,

 

No way I'm going to break NC. It'll just make things worse. No idea what she's thinking. Breaking NC would have gone against her wishes.

 

She did throw away a good thing, I did nothing wrong.

 

It's a shame, the last 5mths since we broke up has been a real rollercoaster and she has said a lot of things that can only be designed to wind me up or hurt me. But I've let them go by.

 

Only time will tell........

[brando]

I think it is funny how we place every situation about our ex's on ourselves. I am guilty of this as well. I don't know much about dumper and dumpee. I understand being the dumpee in my past marriage the feelings and thoughts and sleepless nights, the obessesive thinking, and over analyszing, etc.. etc... The what ifs' the shoul haves' ans on and on ...

 

but i recently listened to John Mayer song, Daughters. and there are some lines in their that caught my attention.

 

I know a girl

She puts the color inside of my world

and she's just like a maze

Where all of the walls all continually change

 

And I've done all I can

To stand on the steps with my heart in my hand

Now I'm starting to see

Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

 

I thought for a moment how true the last two lines are. Maybe it is compassion, acceptance, or enlightenment. Not sure. But i do remember this when my ex is swarmming around my thoughts. I feel some peace, some compassion for her.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Perspective is everything...