Stuck in a downward spiral

[SortofaMeme]

Where to begin? It all started when something involving my brother and (former) stepsister did something that got my previous account banned for mentioning. As you can imagine, my (former) stepdad was outraged, but acted in an irrational and one-sided way by vowing to never let my brother back live in the house ever again, disappointing me, my mom, and brother and forcing us to move out. After a brief interlude of my brother staying at friends and families house, we moved into a new house in a new neighborhood. Here's where it starts to get messy. My girlfriend broke up with me because she felt held down by me needed support, which revealed who she really is. It also turned out that my former stepsister's boyfriend lives right behind me, which didn't make me feel very safe considering that he had a reputation for being a violent at school. I did reach out to a few friends and joined a discord (online chat app) server with all of them in it as an outlet for social support, and it worked for a bit. I also picked up guitar and starting going to a guitar club after school and still have a lot of fun learning all my favorite songs. But, it was too good to be true and eventually the group broke up because of a dispute about about one of my friends dating another of my friends and another friend getting jealous. People started choosing sides and now no one uses it anymore. I started to look for other support, and started talking to more and more people I know, being more social than ever before in my life, doing things with people. I started dating again and met my current girlfriend who has been great. However, the same person in the discord chat that drove everyone apart started to really bug me and my current gf by hitting on her around me. Both me and my gf are friends with this person, and we both can't deny he's fun to be around, but whenever he starts to mess with me and gf, I don't really know what to say and just ignore it. And to this day he is still a sore spot for me, because sometimes he's alright to hang out with sometimes he's a total *****. I just feel so beta compared to him and I hate him so much for making me feel that way, especially around my girlfriend. Then there was this one day when I was talking with my 2 friends, and for some reason I felt so left out probably because I realized that a lot my friends think I'm troll that messes with people for fun, and and for whatever reason I went into full on self loathing mode after that, I still can't fully come out. It's especially bad because I feel like I need to be happy for my girlfriend and that makes me feel even worse, because what if she leaves me for being depressed and having low self esteem? I also am having a hard time getting a job, which is difficult for me because I hate not having anything to work on. I've also noticed that ever since that day, I've had harder time connecting and making jokes with people which makes me think that people think I'm boring. I still try and hang out with people and try to connect but it's not as effective as it's always been for me. I just feel like I'm in a downward spiral here with everything that has happened to me and I want to get out. I see a therapist but not as much as I should because I my mom always working and me not having a car. All this makes me afraid that I'll end up like my dad, with no friends, no life, an alcoholic, and completely miserable. I'm 16 and a going to be a junior. I need some sort of advice because Idk anymore

 

Thanks in Advance

[confused and]

I know what that downward spiral feels like. Low confidence leading to self-loathiing, leading to people seeing me as 'negative'. Still they weren't really friends in fact. I don't really have an answer, except to say, you are young, and you have lots of time to make sure you don't end up like your Dad. Sorry for him, but don't let pity for him somehow subconsciously let yourself go into the same path, because that would do neither of you any good. Make sure you stay stronger - perhaps you could even help him to overcome? Because of your age, this girlfriend might not be such an important issue, though of course your heart will feel it if she did reject you, but you will get over that. 'You need to be happy for your girlfriend' is a lot of pressure - perhaps you can try being honest with her, that you're going through a rough patch - perhaps to have a short separation until you feel better? This is only an option though - maybe not a good idea, so don't take it as such.

[SortofaMeme]

Hi there, thanks for the advice