Your input about nice guys/girls

[dontstopbelivin]

I found this a very good question and wanted input from you.

 

Do you really think that Nice guys/girls finish last? What is it about us that we always get hurt or feeling unwanted? Do we really find ourselves in situations in which we are "too nice?" Are we drawn toward people with baggage or vice versa?

[RayKay]

Nice girls/guys don't always finish last - I just think they tend to be the ones that will at the end of something blame "being too nice" or dwell on it rather than pick up and move on like the others.

 

I really hate the whole nice guy/nice girl - bad girl/guy duality anyway - we are individuals and have varying levels of all sorts of personality traits in us.

 

Those who claim to always "finish last" as they are "too nice" are often the ones that I find really aren't "all that nice" when it comes down to it. They are the ones that label others "jerks" and worse and tend to blame "girls for liking bad boys" for their own failures or lack of action. It's easier to blame others than look at our own behaviours. They are often the people who are "too nice" not because it is their character but because the motives are too "win" someone over. They are not being who they really are. Or they are trying too hard to RESCUE PEOPLE. Don't do this. DOn't be a knight in shining armour - you cannot change people or rescue them, only they can do it themselves. Be a friend by all means, but don't take it on yourselves to be a martyr and rescue others. It will backfire.

 

Newsflash - even those who seem to be "jerks" or "bad boys" are rejected and will feel unwanted, and don't always feel totally confident but they deal with it differently - they don't nurse the hurt forever blaming themselves for being "too jerky". People of all types break hearts and get their hearts broken - its how you deal with it that defines how you learn from it and grow from it.

 

I am a decent, "nice" and often described as sweet, warm-hearted girl, and I can be extremely sensitive when my feelings are hurt but I am also confident, funny, sexy, witty and don't let myself get walked over. And I refuse to finish last because of my own actions or lack of action. I have had my heart broken many times - sometimes because I was too giving, too selfless, but I picked up, learned, moved on. I mourned for a bit about it, but did not start a cycle of self pity. And in the end found my perfect match. So no, we don't always finish last. You find that right person for you when the time is right.

 

More importantly remember there are no plots against nice guys for the advantage of "bad guys". It all comes down to who you are as an individual and your character - if you are sweet, be proud of that, but don't let others walk over you, stand up for yourself and your opinions and don't use it as an excuse to not also explore and challenge yourself and your boundaries every now and then

[passions1]

I don't agree that nice people finish last, I think it's just that people who have dumped them, may have said you're such a "nice" person. So they think it's just that characteristics, but in essense it's so much more. Perhaps due to lack of opinions, viewpoints, not seeming to ever getting mad/angry so that they seem more humanistic with their emotions, allowing disrespectful people to take advantage of them & walk all over them. I think a nice person will meet a mutually nice person, it's just a matter of timing & compatibility in other critical areas.

 

The feeling of getting hurt, could depend on how sensitive the person is to other people's view of them or to criticisms. Also could be the nice person, is too nice, that they don't want to open up with any form of communication to let the partner that something is actually going. So they think that by closing off their emotions & making it seem that everything is fine, that inside they could be resenting the person. So they tend to always place the other person b4 themselves, thereforeeee neglecting their own selves. Making it seem like their lives revolves around other people which is not attractive at all.

 

Being drawn to negative people or people with baggage will depend on the nice person having baggage themselves or some personal issues with themselves, such as self-esteem, confidence issues, etc. However, when people are young they are initially attracted to people with that edge that is found in the bad boy/girl syndrome since they're considered less boring.

[DropToZero]

Newsflash - even those who seem to be "jerks" or "bad boys" are rejected and will feel unwanted, and don't always feel totally confident but they deal with it differently - they don't nurse the hurt forever blaming themselves for being "too jerky". People of all types break hearts and get their hearts broken - its how you deal with it that defines how you learn from it and grow from it.

 

I have grown to find that those terms to define those guys wrong. "Jerks" are confident guys that actually meet more girls and seem to care less what people think about them. It IS a term created by the nice guys that are jealous b/c they were taught that the 'way' that these guys are treating girls is horrible. I'm not a jerk, I've become more confident, I dont believe that they go thru what you say, guys may get rejected(and so do girls), but what they have learned is how to not take it personally. Whilst the nice guy will wallow in shame for a month and try and figure out why the girl he asked out last week doesn't want to go out with him(or gives him an excuse). Who knows how long...a month was short for me, I didnt get over a girl for about 5 months, and now that I look back at it, I feel so badly at how much of my senior year I wasted thinking about her when I could have had so much better. I used to be an all fire 'nice guy' and only that...the majority have lower confidence when it comes to meeting people b/c they're shy and don't have much social experience. That is how they get labeled, I dont think all will end up finishing last, I've learned from Shysoul that he's a great guy, but I hope he will just learn to change a few small things...I'm just using you Shy b/c I know you will post in here (hah), but yea, he reminds me of myself. It's confidence....that's it....going thru life as yourself, not caring what others think, and that's what a majority of 'nice' guys lack. They sit back and complain about how the other guy got the girl they wanted instead of actually trying to learn from the experience and moving on. I even slip back into my old ways sometimes, and its hard to fight...but how I remember what I used to think about when it came to talking/dating/meeting girls, is not something I want to remember. I never want to complain or get stuck on the words of another's opinion like I used to. I got way off topic...I get drawn in sometimes, sorry.

[someguy69]

It's been scientifically proven that women are attracted to strong, tough manly men and "bad boys" when they are ovulating -- essentially women want to mate with "prime" genetic material.

 

The rest of the time, women are attracted to the type of man who would make a good father for her kids (seeded by the manly bad boys).

 

Women also like a challenge. They like the idea of being able to tame or convert the "bad boy" into a future "good father".

[ShySoul]

someguy69, I'd like to see those scientific studies. I don't believe them for a second.

 

LtAwesome, glad to know your still thinking about me . Just so you know, get ready to eat your words before long cause not changing a thing looks to be getting me ahead.

 

I've already got into a long debate on this so I'm not going into detail right now. But "jerks" are precisely what they are, bad news. They are the type of people who treats others horrible, take advantage of them, and hurt them. They don't have confidence, they are actually the cowards who have to put others down to make themselves feel better. On the other hand, it is the nice guys who are mislabled. It's not that we are jealous or complain. Those are the people who are using the nice guy act because they think it will help them meet girls. They are jerks in nice guy clothing (not all but most). A real nice guy (or girl) has enough confidence to not care about relationships one way or another and is only trying to do the right thing and treat people with respect. He knows that it happens when it is right and that eventualy it will happen.

 

It's all real simple. Nice guys may not finish first, but they finish best. Actually, now that I think about, nice guys do finish first. They are the ones who usually settle down with the person of there dreams while the jerk is still out playing the field and figuring out what he wants, probably not realizing its right in front of him but he's missing because of his desire to play around.

[discordant_verse]

It's been scientifically proven that women are attracted to strong, tough manly men and "bad boys" when they are ovulating -- essentially women want to mate with "prime" genetic material.

 

The rest of the time, women are attracted to the type of man who would make a good father for her kids (seeded by the manly bad boys).

 

Women also like a challenge. They like the idea of being able to tame or convert the "bad boy" into a future "good father".

 

I read something like that somewhere myself... have to go try suss it out.

 

I agree with Raykay's thought on this and share his opinion on the whole subject.

[DropToZero]

LtAwesome, glad to know your still thinking about me . Just so you know, get ready to eat your words before long cause not changing a thing looks to be getting me ahead.

 

Hah...Okay Shy, we will see...only time will tell...

 

p.s. I never got your input on that long quote I put in the other post...check it out...I'm curious as to your thoughts on it.

[zestysunkist]

I dated a guy who told me all his ex's broke up saying it was because he was too nice. As I got to know him, I realized he was bipolar & one of the rudest, immature guys I've met. He was so mean to his little boy. "Your stupid, go play in the street, your ugly" yada yada & he'd tickle him & poke until the cute 3yr old cried. It killed me. I told him to quit. And I would think about, how on earth could anyone think he's too nice. He was very distant, didn't try to hold me much, wasn't into sex (was fine with me!) & so forth.

I was looking around on dating sites one day, & found he posted on one. It said something about every girl leaves him saying he is too nice. He litterally thought that. Not to say this is the case with everyone but my point is. Sometimes ppl are delusioned they are nice, when they are really crazy. lol

[2BhaPaL1]

I've been told that i'm a nice girl, many times. Mostly by guys who i didn't have anything nice to say to. But... i agree. Bad boys are just the boys who have no sense of who they are or what they want in a girl besides a set of nice tits, nice booty and a girl that will aid in there attempt to prove to everyone around them. Nice boys/girls... are just those who are grown up enough to treat others respectfully and look past themself and their problems to make someone else happy. Sometimes that can be intimdating because alot of people live in there selfish pour me lives taking out there anger on everyone else. I think the nice may put up with a lot of crap while they are young but later definetly come out of it on top!