What does she see me as?

[swawn]

I met this girl in November, 17 (I'm 18 ), and we saw each other for a four months or so. At that point we weren't official but it was fairly obvious that we liked each other as we kissed and had sex and stuff, even if we never actually spoke about us. One day out of the blue she messaged me saying she wasn't feeling it anymore and felt it wasn't going anywhere. I managed to get her to meet a couple of days later and we had a good time and that night we starting going out.

 

A week later, she went to this party. She then tells me a week after the party that she kissed a guy there. I wasn't that upset by that as I thought she meant enough to me that a drunk kiss wouldn't matter. She was the one who thought she had to pull away. We tried to make it work for a week and a half but eventually she called it off and we didn't speak for a couple of weeks.

 

Two weeks later, I saw that she'd put this story up on Snapchat that was pretty pointless, and she never puts stories up so it seemed especially weird. I thought it might have been to get my attention, so I messaged her and it went well and we spoke for two days. Eventually we started talking about us and she said that she just don't feel that way anymore and that she only saw us as friends. But then she ended up telling me how much she'd missed me those two weeks, saying it killed her seeing my Snapchat stories and not being able to talk to me about what I was doing, looking at each story about 5 times, stalking my Twitter and Spotify and that she did only put that story up to get my attention. Eventually she told me she had a free house on Monday and asked whether I wanted to come round, and that was that.

 

It ended up that we couldn't have sex on Monday because her dad came home from work early and neither on Tuesday, when she was also meant to have a free house. So I thought not a lot more about it. Then on Friday we had a deep conversation and she eventually ended up telling me that she only saw us as friends now and that she didn't want to have sex with me and that she had lied about not being able to on Tuesday because she felt relieved when we couldn't on Monday.

 

Though we met on the Wednesday after and we had a really good time and agreed to go out for a meal on Saturday and she asked me whether I wanted to go with her to get her ears pierced next week, which I thought was a bit of a strange thing to ask a male friend, but I agreed, as she had agreed to go with me to get this vaccination at some point. That night we had another really deep convo, where she told me she wished she'd had her first time with me because it was so much better having sex with someone she liked. In that convo though I told her stuff that was indirectly really horrible and made her feel bad about herself.

 

The next day I got a message from her friend saying that she was disgusted I'd said stuff so horrible to her. I apologised to her a lot and tried to reassure her. She told me that I needed to understand that we would never be more than friends and eventually told me the reason she didn't see me in that way anymore was because she didn't find me hot anymore. But she said she didn't want to tell me I'd upset her because she didn't want to make a big deal because she knew I'd feel bad. We still met on Saturday and it was really nice again and felt no different to how we met months ago.

 

So I just don't understand what she sees me as anymore. She's clearly emotionally dependent on me because she misses me really badly when I'm not there and is still trying to protect me and protect my feelings. She constantly goes on now about how she doesn't want to mess me around and hurt me again. We still meet as much as, if not more than, before and it still feels as good if not better than before. She's asked me to go with her to get her ears pierced which is a strange thing to ask a friend imo and she keeps talking to me about going on the pill and was talking about period cramps on Monday. So I just feel like she sees me as a friend and feels like she loves me inside. But she doesn't find me hot. I just think that if you love someone that much inside that it makes no sense that you only see them as a friend, no matter what their looks are. That become irrelevant eventually.