She's confusing me..are we done?

[Floorguy]

So my girlfriend broke up with me just over a week ago..we have been living together for about 2 years...she tell me she loves me and misses me and if I change some things there's a chance for us...she wants me to move out for a bit and get my life back together...we still talk everyday but she doesn't wanna see me right now so I'm giving her the space she needs...any insight would help thanks everyone

[SadSadgirl]

i don't know why you want to be with someone that'd only be with you if you changed. she's confused, focus on yourself and move on for the best.

[Floorguy]

Cause I've never loved anyone like this before she's always been there for me it's my fault she left I was a some whAt controlling and I wa jealous for no reason and stopped trying when she put in 100% I don't wanna give up yet

[Jy1986usa]

My girlfriend broke up with me for similar reasons. Only she didn't give me a chance to change and I messed up every chance of ever getting back together with her by not giving her space. If you want to be with her and she's giving you a chance to modify your behavior you're lucky. I'd give anything to get my ex back but she isn't ever coming back.

[SadSadgirl]

Cause I've never loved anyone like this before she's always been there for me it's my fault she left I was a some whAt controlling and I wa jealous for no reason and stopped trying when she put in 100% I don't wanna give up yet

 

you still need to go on with your life and focus on yourself with the thought process that you wont get back together. sometimes exes tell us things we like to hear, there is no guarantee that you guys are going to get back together even if she gives the intention.

[Floorguy]

Easier said then done...we moved together and would talk all day when we weren't home together we are very close and have gone through a lot together...it's easy to tell someone to just move on when your not in that position out yourself in my shoes and get back to me

[SadSadgirl]

Easier said then done...we moved together and would talk all day when we weren't home together we are very close and have gone through a lot together...it's easy to tell someone to just move on when your not in that position out yourself in my shoes and get back to me

 

i am in your position, in a sense. my relationship ended 2 months ago and i am still processing my emotions over it. sometimes i wish we worked out, and he tells me promising things, but i am moving on. if it's meant to be, they'll come back.

[Jy1986usa]

I agree you have to move on like it's never going to happen. My advise is quit talking to her or limit it as much as possible. She can't miss you if you're still in her life. Like she said if it's meant to be she will come back but she has to make that decision on her own and just based my own mistakes you sticking around isn't helping.

[Floorguy]

I understand the whole let her miss me thing and. I know she does she tells me she does...she went to Cuba today with her gfs (which was planned a while ago I couldn't go cause of work) so I'm hoping the time away from each other this week helps her figure it out...she bought a small text package for 75 bucks to make sure we can send each other a few texts a day...can u not see why I'm confused

[SadSadgirl]

I agree you have to move on like it's never going to happen. My advise is quit talking to her or limit it as much as possible. She can't miss you if you're still in her life. Like she said if it's meant to be she will come back but she has to make that decision on her own and just based my own mistakes you sticking around isn't helping.

 

exactly. when you stick around, you're telling your ex that you're always gonna be available. this makes it easier for exes to move on knowing that they'll always have you on the backburner if they're feeling lonely. nothing good comes out of maintaining contact with an ex after a breakup.

[SadSadgirl]

I understand the whole let her miss me thing and. I know she does she tells me she does...she went to Cuba today with her gfs (which was planned a while ago I couldn't go cause of work) so I'm hoping the time away from each other this week helps her figure it out...she bought a small text package for 75 bucks to make sure we can send each other a few texts a day...can u not see why I'm confused

 

if she really loved you, she would stay with you and try to make it work, instead of leaving and giving you a bullsh*t "if you change i'll come back". if my ex told me that i would walk away and never look back.

[Floorguy]

Love isn't the problem here I know she loves me more then anything she has prooved that to me...your a women now imagine I was your bf and we loved together...I stopped taking u out started saying mean things to u when I got jealous for no reason how would u proceed...things have been a little rocky the past few months but I mean I don't think it's anyyjing to crazy that can't be worked on

[Jy1986usa]

^^^Agree with sadgirl But I know how you feel. That's just how messed up love is. My ex never gave me a chance. She just left and never looked back and did some pretty messed up things post break up. I have every reason to not want anything to do with her. But I was crazy about her. Still am. If she ever wanted me back (she won't) I would be back in a second just because how much I miss her. Pretty pathetic huh haha

[SadSadgirl]

if you keep thinking with this "we will get back together" mentality you'll end up very disappointed and even more depressed when it doesn't happen. she may be keeping contact to see if you'll actually change (?). i think when you try to change yourself, having an ex you love in the picture hinders it.

[Floorguy]

It's not pathetic man it's love and u can't fight what your heart wants...but if she cheated on me and shut me out I think it would be easier for me to get over cause I know we would be done for good...and sad girl I understand that and I agree with u but I'm just not ready to give up yet and it makes it so hard...everything I see or do already reminds about her..I'm just confused and want my baby home with me

[Jy1986usa]

Floor guy I don't think you're really understanding what we're trying to tell you. Whether you want to get back together, be friends, or never talk to her again the answer is all the same at least right now. You need to give her space. You need to pretend it is over for good and move on. I couldn't do it so I get why it's so hard. But I sabotaged what little chance I had of it working out by not detaching from the situation. You have to let her figure out whatever she needs to on her own and be prepared for it to never happen again. Letting go really hurts but hanging on to something that's just not there hurts even more.

[SadSadgirl]

It's not pathetic man it's love and u can't fight what your heart wants...but if she cheated on me and shut me out I think it would be easier for me to get over cause I know we would be done for good...and sad girl I understand that and I agree with u but I'm just not ready to give up yet and it makes it so hard...everything I see or do already reminds about her..I'm just confused and want my baby home with me

 

of course, i know exactly how you feel. after my ex broke up with me, we remained friends but he just used me. after he found someone else he cut me off and insulted me, etc. if you want to remain contact with her, go for it. but i think if you constantly talk to her, you'll be reminded that she isn't yours anymore. you seem like a very loving and caring person, with some flaws that got in the way of the relationship. i'm glad you're using the relationship as a way of realization in things that you need to fix. since your breakup is very, very, fresh, i can't just tell you to get over it. it's been 2 months for me and i still cry over him sometimes. but, when i stopped talking to him, and focused on myself more, i noticed small improvements.

 

as for the reminders, i am with you on that. everytime i walk into my bedroom i just picture him on my bed like how we used to be.

 

use your relationship as a wake up call, and make yourself into the person that you need to become. theres no guarantee she will come back, because emotions are very confusing after a breakup. i know you don't want to give up, i didn't want to give up either. but risking your sanity over the thoughts of "is she going to come back?" isn't worth it.

[Floorguy]

I get that and thinking about it like that now makes me hurt more

[SadSadgirl]

I get that and thinking about it like that now makes me hurt more

 

it is better to be upset over reality, than to hang on a thread of false hope. things WILL get better, but you need to allow yourself to let go of the thought of her coming back. i wish i had this forum when i had just gotten broken up with, and i probably would've been better by now. we're telling you these things for your best interest, because in the long run, you'll thank yourself.

[Jy1986usa]

No not worth it at all. I tortured myself for two months with the fantasy of her coming back. And it significantly hindered my recovery. I hate to tell you this but odds are she's not coming back. I don't know your specific situation but in my experience when a woman decides to leave a man they don't change their mind. Women leave men mentally before they leave them physically. She probably mentally checked out long before she pulled the trigger. I'm not trying to be insensative at all either. I know this is a very difficult thing that's happening. Please don't fall into the same trap I did.

[Floorguy]

It's just amazing how we all don't realize what we had till we lose it love can be such a emotional ride. cry every night I can barely sleep work I don't even wanna see my friends...and yes I Am going to take this to try and change myself for the better and not for her for me ...I'm 35 and feel like I'll never be able to love anyone like I love her...and the hardest part is I bought a ring and never got r a chance to propose...and thank u sad girl I am a very loving and caring person and that will never change

[Floorguy]

JyUsa what did u do after your break up that was so bad

[SadSadgirl]

It's just amazing how we all don't realize what we had till we lose it love can be such a emotional ride. cry every night I can barely sleep work I don't even wanna see my friends...and yes I Am going to take this to try and change myself for the better and not for her for me ...I'm 35 and feel like I'll never be able to love anyone like I love her...and the hardest part is I bought a ring and never got r a chance to propose...and thank u sad girl I am a very loving and caring person and that will never change

 

what you're feeling right now is normal. and nobody likes feeling this way. i know you don't want to, but going out with your friends, going to work, picking up hobbies will increase your recovery SIGNIFICANTLY. when you're alone dwelling in your emotions, you're allowing yourself to overthink which makes you feel even worse. to distract myself, i do small things like taking a bath, sketching, writing, doing my hair, washing my face, cooking, etc.

 

staying at home and doing nothing is only triggering these thoughts and negative emotions. i know exactly how you feel. please try, atleast try the best you can, to get up and do something. the longer you mope, the harder it'll be to get back into a normal routine.

[Jy1986usa]

Couldn't agree more with not knowing what we had until it's gone. I became too comfortable and just thought she was the one and never imagined her leaving me. The thing that really sucks for me is after having a lot of time to think about things I realized I was doing things that were pushing her away for a while before it ended. And she was giving me signs she was starting to become unhappy and losing her attraction but I just ignored them. The only thing I can really take from it now is I know pretty damn well what not to do with the next one. That's a little silver lining right?

[Floorguy]

Ohh I agree with that being at home alone Is horrible.. cleaned my house one day for 5 hours straight to occupy my mind and then did the same thing again the next day lol...I've been staying at my dads the last few days so I'm not alone and have support