Help

[thampf]

My boyfriend and I have been together ( living together ) for 4 years . We share a life together our money is together , we travel around the world together and we go to the same college .

 

I admit during this 4 years I have been so much controlling and not letting him make his own decision and I made all his friends go away or at least tried . I checked on his phone and had all his passwords and read all his conversations , never accepted him to have friends who are girls . Jealous even of friends who are boys .

 

The first 2 years were perfect but the 3 year was hard because he was feeling he needed space and I couldn't give him . So we planned for 6 months and moved to a new country to start over together .

We had to stay 3 months in a long distance relationship and he cheated on me with a prostitute one time , he was drunk , high and on his friend bachelor"party" . He felt sorry for it and regretted it and came clean to me . I decided to forgive because I know when he is truly sorry . Before that he hasn't even talked to other girls .

 

 

We moved to another country together to start over and for me to be less controlling and less jealous of his friends and let him have an actual life , happen that his best friend in this new country was a piece of ,a person who is in a relationship and cheats all the time with different girls and don't feel sorry about it , drink and smoke all the time and is a free soul . We been to this city for 6 months .

 

I ed it up again , I checked his phone on his back found a conversation with this special friend who was a bit suspicious and I got crazy , told his friend girlfriend all what he does and that he cheats and all and showed proof of it to her .. etc . It was a huge huge huge problem and a big fight .

 

He couldn't stand me because he said I did it again. I discovered that nothing happened and the conversation was about a complete different thing ..

 

In this problem we broke up for a very short time I don't even consider it as a breakup ... I moved out of the house .. but we were still friends and seeing each other and kissing when we meet and all . This break up was only for 1 week .

 

We decided to get back together and move together again in a new house to start over again . But since we were leaving in different houses we had to wait until the end of the month to move to a new place .

 

 

In the last weekend that we were in this situation , 3 days before we move together he went out with this friends to a nightclub got incredibly drunk and I know he danced with a girl , I know for sure he did not have sex with her but I also know he might have kissed her . She said no and he said no but I still have my doubts about kissing . Specially because his friends hate me and as I mentioned he is a BS of a person , plus I asked him not to tell his friends we were back together because I know they would say tons of things to convince him of the opposite .

 

I had his whatsapp on my computer and that's how I discovered it . when I comforted him we had a big fight and almost broke up he said he didn't cheat but I went on his privacy again .

 

We fixed things Between us .we moved together and those friends who were the reason for the fight are done for him . He doesn't talk to them anymore he chose me once again .

 

Now he changed his phone password and won't tell me . We still share a life , bank account and we are getting things right on the right space I am trying to trust him and he is trying to trust me .

 

 

The point is : he won't go out with my friends neither he wants to make friends right now because he said he is really hurt about losing those friends because right or wrong they were his friends and he really liked them .i know him and I know that losing those ty friends were really hurtful for him , I know he is hurt .

 

Point 2 : he has tinder on his phone , he gave me 5 min to search on his phone and seems he didn't use the app there was no matches or conversations in there and when I confronted him he said he doesn't want to cheat he wants to make friends only . But to me tinder isn't a place to make friends . I don't think he is using the app but he refuses to delete the app . He claims that I can't control him to do what I want anymore and he wants to have tinder to mAkes friends and when he thinks he has to delete it he will . This bothers me so much and I don't know how to deal with it . Should I accept it ?!

 

 

Point 3: I don't like nightclub because i don't drink and I don't enjoy dancing ... and when I go I don't dance much just a little with him ... but I don't accept him dancing with other people and I feel jealous of him all time even when he goes to the bathroom I follow him and wait outside the bathroom or when he goes out to smoke I follow him and all , for this reason he said he isn't gonna go nightclub with me anymore , that he will go alone with his friends .. not for girls but for getting drunk and dancing with his friends .. he hasn't gone to any nightclub yet but I asked him many times to let me try to make it different and go with me he said no many times .. yesterday he said he will think but I'm sure his answer is gonna be no .

 

Should I be ok with it ? Or it's wrong of him ?

 

 

 

Our love is something people sometimes say : it's unbelievable how much u love each other , we want a future together and we kind of have a future planned together but I don't know how to get trought this things above , I don't know if I'm being controlling again , overly jealous or if what he is asking is too much .

 

 

We are getting trough this all and my brother in law is coming to visit us in the end of the month and we will travel with him , but I don't know how to act on those questions above .

 

Please please give me your sincere options !

[mariah167]

I think jealousy played a large part in this.

Honestly, you probably shouldn't be with someone you can't trust. It's good to have each other's passwords, but you have to learn to trust each other. I've had a few problems with my husband (boyfriend at the time) and we've dealt with them. I know I have his passwords and access to his phone, but I don't check it anymore because I trust him. Even when I did check a couple of times I never went in depth. However, I know in my case my boyfriend never did anything extreme or with bad intentions. He was just really ignorant and childish. If I were in your situation, I would say it's not worth it.

And by the way, him not wanting to delete tinder is a huge red flag. We all know what tinder was created for and it wasn't to make platonic friends.