Not to many options

[Inadequate]

I don't know why I am writing. I guess it is because there is a small part of me that doesn't want to do what I am going to do.

 

I honestly don't see why i should not take these pills. I have been dealing with a damaged memory for the past.. I am not sure how long. Because of a stroke from an overdose of celexa. it's funny in a sick way. I was in a situation that I couldn't get out of and tried my last alternative, only to have more heaped on my plate. I have spent the last year trying to have some scrap of dignity, only to be victim to cruel games played against my memory situation. I am surrounded by no one to trust and no one who cares. Every one I interact with is repulsed and cold. No matter the effort, I am shunned, alone, and horribly inadequate in this life. I am a genetic and social dead end.

 

Now I am alone, physically, today and the pills are a taunting exit. I know that if I take enough I will rid everyone of the blemish I am. It really is more for myself. I do not fit with this world and I have no other choices, either suffer more or not. I am so tired.

 

Thank you for reading this.

[So_sorry]

All I have to say is I have been where you are, and I have even tried taking my life before.

 

Life my seem useless right now, but I promise you it gets better. All this is now is a test that you must pass to get to that good point in your life. If you kill yourself you will fail the test.

 

I promise you life will get better and whatever it is that you are going through right now there are people who have it worst.

 

SO..... Don't fail the test be strong and if you need someone to talk to feel free to Pm me.

[romantic sweetheart]

Please hang on...please don't die. I know so much, know so deeply, what you are going through because like you, I have been there. I once went to a website, a very good website, that said "Suicide happens when pain exceed ones resources for coping with pain." Something about that line went right to my heart.....here is the website: link removed Please visit this if you can.......

 

But if you can't, I just want you to know that you are not a dead end....I have felt this so deeply in my life.....One night I was lying in my bathtub, shaking uncontrollably because I thought I was going to end mylife...just drown myself and be gone. I put my head under he water to practise what it would feel like.....I was scared to death. I didn't know why the pain was so out of control...why I was feeling as I was.

 

I knew all this grief was coming froma deep source within my soul, and I didn't know how to relieve it.

 

I held on...though it was so hard. But soon things began to change...new people came into my life who gave me strength......a little light shone in, and I could breathe again....

 

I still struggle, but the feelings are much less intense.......

 

I need to tell you.....to please reach out for help, just like you have reqched out here. Tis isn't your fault...it is all right to feel this pain....but you must still live...because this isn't forever

 

Since I didn't know anyone here to ask for help and company, I came here, and I also wrote to some websites..One was here: link removed

 

This was also helpful because volunteers personally write back to you.

 

This pain isn't permanent. Nothing like this is. Our lives are streaming along, and so many different possibilities are capable. We are not dead ends...we are always beginnings.....every fiber of our being is unique, infused with a pure light and energy....The angels watch over us.....silently, yet steadily. Peace and comfort are ours for the taking....its just that sometimes we must weather out the storms.....Seasons of the soul......and in living through pain, we have extended ourselves to the deepest parts of living.....and we are more compassionate, more understanding, more wise.......

 

So in a certain sense, our pain is our freedom song......in this grief, our life.....and if we still live......we are a testament to the strength and beauty of the human soul. So please...please know you are needed here...in this world...you really do not know how much you mean and will mean....to others.....

 

Even if it something so small, and even to a stranger...you can, in an instant, be the entire world of joy.......I always tell people about a time I was walking down the road, crying and alone...I didn't know what I was going to do...I was hurting terribly...things were crumbling in my life.....Out of the blue, a young man came riding up on his bike....He looked up as he was passing me and waved, smiled, and said "hi" There was something about him...something surrounding him, the way he smiled and spoke...that was so calming and swet....I don't know...I felt soothed and hope crept into my soul......It was just a simple hello, but it was one of those moments you feel could save your life.........

 

So...no matter how insignificant you feel you are.....your smallest act of reaching out....can mean everything to a soul in need......Please don't give up...........

 

Your birth into this world was a miracle.......you are a miracle.......a unique gift....waiting to be discovered...a small, perfect hidden treasure......And soon, so soon, the storm will break, and the tears will slow their flowing, and your brow will smooth over...your lips will turn their corners into a little smile..........A little twinkle will find its way to your deep eyes.....and everything will be okay....I promise...I do......

[Inadequate]

Thank you to the kind hearts that were there for me last time I posted. I am sad to say things are worse than I expected. It turns out that my stroke causing overdose was a year ago and I fear my memory is permentally damaged. The memories I do have are of the incident and my wifes promise to stay with me for the years testing the doctor wanted. The whole process has alienated my family and I have no friends.

 

I have literally nothing in the way of people in my life and possessions. My career prospects are nill and my belief that I am a dead end is confirmed. I am considering getting out of this sick joke of a life but am not to the brink yet. Please, help me!

 

Help me see why on earth I have any other choice. I mean really, how much can one person take? Isn't suicide justified sometimes? I have no dignity, no respect, and no future. Why not finish this and sleep?

[TreeFrog]

Hang in there! I too am fight a serious sucidal depression and my totally my good friend has help me through a dark night.

 

I think that once you pass all of these difficulties then perhaps the best is yet to come. I suffered ten years from ear problems causing me bad balance and then bad working environment and for me the worst has been the lonelness of mylife. Its a struggle from day to day and I can only suggest have hope.

 

That this bad stuff WILL make you stronger and you will find that the best is yet to come. That is what I hope will be he outcome for situation which look so bleak. I live in hope that the pain will help me transform my life into something really wonderful.

 

You have a wife and I think that goes a long way. I wish I has someone to watch over me.

 

Try to take each day as it comes.

[Inadequate]

I appreciate what you're saying, coming from a similiar depression and trying to use bad situations to make you stronger. You are right, i do thank God each day that I have my wife with me. One person can really be there for someone and make a difference. I guess that's why we're all at this forum.

 

It's just that my situation just seems so hopeless. I remember my wife's promise to help for the year testing, over next month... I think. After that she is leaving me. It's too much for her and I can't blame her. I have no job and no way of knowing if I will ever be able to maintain memories. I fear it will be like a permenant ahlziemers, but I am only in my thirties. I could potentially never learn from my mistakes.

 

Also, my family has been cold toward my depression. They have told me it's a crutch and disabilities shoud not be coddled. They have been aleinated from all of this. I have no friends left either. I keep asking myself, "How can I start over from this?"

 

I guess that's when the plointlessness and bleakness sets in. I'm still here and typing. That's something.

 

Thanks for the encouragement.

[CrystalDawn]

Your wife won't leave you. She may get tired but she loves you and will remain by your side. Everything happens for a reason. When times are hard that's even more reason to keep going for things will get better. I know it may not seem like it right away it often doesn't. Your family doesn't seem like the most loveing people. You can't dwell on that. You may beable to retain memories but it will be harder for you than others. Meaning you will need to work a bit harder is all. It'll be alright though things will look up soon.