Commitment Phobic?

[guapa]

My boyfriend and I almost broke up a week ago, primarily because of my inability to really tell him how I feel. He tells me all sorts of beautiful things about how he feels and even though I feel deeply about him, the words get all stuck in my throat. Or, even worse, I say the opposite of what I really feel.javascript

 

We are together still, and our love is even more tangible and meaningful to me than it was before we broke up. I also am learning to really be present in every moment with him, to listen better and am more aware of when I'm not saying the "good things" to him and making myself say them... So, it's been amazingly wonderful.javascript

 

the only thing is- we were text messenging yesterday and he was talking about wanting to move to oregon or somewhere in nature and we started talking about maybe moving together somewhere. I got a bit nervous about that. We are planning to move to live together in the summer time (we've only been dating for little over two months, but have seen each other practically every day...) And so I said that we should see how living together feels first.

 

When is a "normal" amount of time to know each other before living together? What is a "normal" amount of time to know each other before moving together? I worry that we might rush things too much... What do you think? I am also anxious because I moved cross country with my ex after dating for just five months (and we shared a room together after just dating for two months) and it really went bad. But I also know that was a very different and unstable relationship.

 

What do you think?

[passions1]

Most of my friends didn't move in with the guy for at least knowing the guy for a year or even more years to the point in which they already engaged & planning to get married anyways. But it depends on how old you are, where you are in your life school/career wise. If you & him have not established the basics of being both financially independent, then I suggest to hold off!

[guapa]

I'm 25 and he is 25 in a couple of weeks. He hasn't gone to college and is applying now. He has spent a lot of time growing as an individual and has lived with both of his more serious relationships. He says he is very sure about me and already talks about wanting to be with me life. But I know that he is smart and not naive at all, but says he wants to know where am I going to fit in his life.

I do love him very deeply and we have a wonderful time together... But I guess I just want to take time and let things proceed organically.

We are both financially independent and we both have been so for at least 7 years.

[providentielle]

Only you can know when the time feels right, trust your own instincts. If you love him and wants to do this then its easy to want to do it to make him happy but that wont work in the long run. Also, if he loves you he will appreciate you being honest with him and will be prepared to wait until you are ready. As for telling him how you feel, start with small things, say "i really loved it when you....." or "you make me happy" and build on that. Texting him or writing things down might be a good transition method too. Good luck