The Two Directions

[flyjfly]

This is what it seems to be. It seems in life you either choose to go to school, or to venture outside of school in a different direction. This divided path puts me at a crossroads when trying to think about a relationship with the opposite sex. I feel like because of my lack of effort in attending college it puts out negative vibes. Mainly the vibes of, "Man what a loser. This guy works, but he's never going anywhere. By the way he's also extremely boring and doesn't seem to like to party/drink so I better go find someone who does cause I'm a chick and I only dig reckless guys cause my life's so boring with school."

 

Now that statement may seem a bit harsh above, but it's really what I see a lot of the time. Chicks only dig dudes who are gonna "blow" them away usually. Now I'm not saying that there aren't any compromises, but gee isn't the reality about 75% of chicks dig the reckless thing? I'm not talking about the guys who party only, I'm also saying it's that "tough guy" attitude. What gives. Can't that BS easily be seen through?

 

Also, what gives with peoples responses to certain problems? I mean, people will say, "Ive got this problem, I hate going outside. I also can't stand other people." Thats responded with, "It's OK, you just need to surround yourself around them more often so you can deal with them." Great, I'm sure they can't wait to expose themselves to the things that cause them the problems in the first place. It's like dealing with a bully by letting him beat you senseless. Sure you'd EVENTUALLY stop feeling the pain after you'd gone numb to the bone, but wheres the pride or sense of progression? It's basically the old saying, "Suck it up." This is pretty much what I tend to hear. So should they suck it all up till they explode? I don't think so.

 

Here in the USA the goal is: Profit Motivated Individualism. This is how we mostly see our personal success and how we perceive others. To me it seems like a train thats gonna eventually run out of steam. I feel like so many things have such surface level depth it boggles me why people care so much. Is this just people going with the flow until there midlife crisis? Perhaps......

 

The thoughts I think are mostly negative, perhaps it's that Ive lost most hope for the future. I just don't see the light. Others seem to be so happy with themselves. I sometimes feel jealous. I wish I could love busting my rear end off at school and then graduating only not to find a job and eventually become an alcoholic/drug addict like a lot of them do. Anyone see why I MIGHT not choose that path?

 

This is all really boring nonsense. If I get no responses I wouldn't be surprised.

[SouthernSon]

First, I think part of the problem lies with your perception of life, but mainly your perception of yourself. If you think you're a loser and you think no woman deserves you, then that's what you'll get. People do give off "vibes" in a way and different people are able to pick up on them better than others.

 

Second, in my experince in life so far, I've found some of the following to be true...

 

-Girls at young ages do tend to like the macho, badass type guys. Why? I don't know really because I'm not female but my best guess is that they see these types of guys as the "alpha male"; they act tough, command respect (or at least try to) among others, have a somewhat high social status among a group of friends, etc. However those types of guys also realize what they have and so many people do not realize how power in even the smallest form can corrupt a person, thus they sometimes treat their women badly at that stage in life. Most girls tend to grow out of this and change the type of guy they're looking for...some don't and always stick with those 'bad boy' types in life.

 

-I have learned that some people enjoy living in the past. For example, my high school graduating class has a rather large number of people who always stick around remembering old times like they were yesterday and of course remembering themselves in the same manner, when in fact today is the present and they are NOT the same person even though they try to be. Seriously, a person my age ( 27-28 ) acting like a damn 16 year old? That isn't mature and these people simply aren't. They don't want to grow up. True high school was some fun times for me, but I had to move on with my life because I realized one day it was all over and I have to start out on my own now. Some people try to extend this perpetually as much as possible by staying in college for as long as they can. I've seen this trend prevalent among guys in some fraternities who just love partying so much that they purposely get terrible grades so they have to take classes all over again and get held back...the "super seniors" we've come to call them. Hell right now my fiance has a friend (female) who is sorta the same way...she loves partying and drinking a lot and she loves doing it with the people she knows at college. She has never had a real job of any kind and she relies on mommy and daddy to pay all her credit card balances, which they do. When she must eventually strike out on her own it isn't going to be easy for her.

 

-People who "live" in college receive less and less respect by others as time goes on. If you're still in college when you're 30 and you started when you were 18-19, seriously, what kind of life is that? I mean, have a goal like getting a degree and moving on. The only continued respect you might receive will be from the staff and professors at the college. People will respect you more when you get out in the "real world"...sorry but continuing to be a career student at a college for the purpose of trying to continue living those glory years is not living in the real world.

 

I'm sure others might disagree with me, but that's what I've observed from life so far.

[shes2smart]

Yes, it can be seen through, but the ability to see through it is gained only with experience. Experience girls that age may or (more likely) may not yet have.

 

I think you may be mixing some things up that really shouldn't have any bearing on each other. Namely, going to school/finding a career path and getting into a relationship. Do yourself a favor and separate the two things.

 

You will be so far ahead of most people in terms of career satisfaction if you figure out what your passion is and follow it. Most people who wind up having the mid-life career crisis are people who didn't follow their passion when it came to work and chose a job because of convenience, parental expectations, or salary considerations. All of a sudden, their in their 40's and they realize they're not doing what they really want to do. Problem is, by then, they may be married may have children, and may have a lifestyle that demands a certain amount of income.

 

Don't worry about your career choices impressing or not impressing women. Your primary consideration there is to find something YOU want to do. If "she" doesn't like it, then she's not the right girl for you anyway. Bottom line, you are going to have to live with yourself and your choices for the duration of your life. Relationships will come and go. So it makes sense that you make choices that you will be able to live with. Screw what anyone else thinks.

 

 

 

 

Because the only way out is through. The only way you conquer your fears is facing them head-on. Check this out – I've been a radio DJ for 23 years. When I started I had a horrible fear of dealing with people in person and speaking in public. It's one thing to be in a studio by yourself and talking into a mic…..quite another to have to do it in front of an audience you can SEE. In order to keep the job I really loved (being in a small room talking to myself for 4 or 5 hours a day) I HAD TO get over the fear of being in public. I'm still very shy in front of other people – unless I have a mic in my hand…then I'll go talk to anybody and have absolutely no problem with it.

 

It's not a matter of being "numb to the pain" it's a matter of overcoming fear so that the feared event doesn't cause any pain or anxiety. There is a difference….a HUGE difference.

 

 

 

Depends on the person. I don't rate others' personal success based on what material things or money they have. If they're happy and satisfied in their lives, that's what I view as successful.

 

A midlife crisis is not an inevitability. The way to NOT have one is to make choices dictated by one's own conscience, soul & moral & ethical code. The less you listen to other people and the more you listen to that small, still voice within yourself, the better off you'll be in the long run. If I had listened to what people were telling me when I was your age, I'd never have gone into radio, I'd have married the first guy who asked, and I'd have had a few kids by now….and I'd be MISERABLE.

 

But I stubbornly listened to myself, pursued a career in radio – making less money than most of my peers but I've always had a much higher degree of life satisfaction. I didn't get married until I was good and ready and the guy who I KNEW I couldn't live without came along – the wedding was 6 weeks after my 38th birthday. I was/am also hyper about birth control because I know I'm NOT mommy material, so that's just not gonna happen.

 

 

 

Perception is reality, and you're the only one who can change your perception. I think the human brain's default setting is negative. Historically, this helped us survive – those cave dwellers who noticed something wrong in the environment were more likely to survive long enough to procreate. If you're alive today, you probably descended from one of those paranoid souls who saw the saber-tooth tiger first and got away from it. So, it's necessary to change some of the wiring in your brain if you want it to be different.

 

Change your thinking, change your life. It sounds simplistic and easy. Nearly all the basic Universal truths sound simplistic and easily dismissed. They also sound like very easy things to do. In truth, they are neither and that is why you see so many people that are less than happy. I'm not one of 'em. Not anymore, anyway. I credit that to a conscious decision I made in my mid-20's to take responsibility for creating the life I wanted & deserved.

 

If you are serious about forging your own path and taking responsibility for creating your own life, here are a couple books that I have found immensely helpful:

 

"You Can Heal Your Life" – Louise Hay link removed

 

"Life 101: Everything We Wish We'd Learned About Life In School, But Didn't" – Peter McWilliams link removed

 

"Love 101: To Love Onself is the Beginning of a Lifelong Romance" – Peter McWilliams link removed

 

"You Can't Afford The Luxury of a Negative Thought" – Peter McWilliams link removed

 

And also a movie to check out:

 

What the (bleep) Do We Know link removed

[checkers]

Chicks only dig dudes who are gonna "blow" them away usually. Now I'm not saying that there aren't any compromises, but gee isn't the reality about 75% of chicks dig the reckless thing? I'm not talking about the guys who party only, I'm also saying it's that "tough guy" attitude.

 

Have to disagree with you there...I'm a chick and I dig a guy who can make me laugh without being mean. I'm a nice girl and I dig nice guys. The tough guy attitude just scares me away, turns me off.

[flyjfly]

Hmmm