naecha Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Hey Everyone I wrote this one today, it was sort of a ruch job so it's not very good. I hope you like it anyways. She walks on the beach The wind in her hair The sand on her bare, white feet She about life Her parents and friends And how the torment never ends She thinks of her crush His eyes and his smile The way he speaks And his fashion style When he didn't show She knew she must go She sits on the beach She looks out to sea This endless blue Sparkling in the sun Why doesn't he care Why is life not fair She walks out to sea With an expressionless face She walks and she walks Till she can walk no more She submerges her head Then lays on the sea bed does any one have any ideas of a name for it? Also please can I have some responses on whether it's good or not?? Thanks Naecha Link to comment
emma34 Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 thats a good poem - especially for someone so young. I'm thinking you should use some metaphors with the water, or the sand, or the wind, or the waves..or something like that..i wish i could give u an example but im having a block lol. What does this line mean: "she submerges head"..?Titles? ummmm...'Peaceful torment'?? Gosh, im sorry that wasn't very good. Btu anyway, it was a good poem - keep up the good work! Link to comment
naecha Posted March 11, 2005 Author Share Posted March 11, 2005 oh sorry!!! it was meant to be "she submerges her head" sorry about that! umm thanks. i'm not very good at metaphors!!! like i really suck at them!!! Link to comment
Recommended Posts