Few difficult questions

[RageChemist]

Hi to all

 

Her is my problem and questions

I know this girl for a year, we are friends, but when time passes I'm starting to like her more then just a friend, I want to talk about it with her but I don't know how to start conversation.

We are seeing each other few times on week, she is 3 years younger then me.

 

Now for questions:

1. How to gently ask her out?

2. How to know that she likes me more then just a friend?

3. Should I ask her out for coffee or something else or go to movie with her?

4. Should I tell her about my feeling right way or start it slowly (how?)?

[dreynolds]

My 2 cents....

 

No point in asking her out for coffee or something - you've already been out with her many times, you both know each other.

 

If you have these feelings - you can't just bottle them up if it's going to drive you crazy! THis is where things can get a little strange.

 

Talk to her - you're friends! If you can continue hanging out with her, hearing about her new guy friends/boyfriends and dating and all that stuff - if she doesn't feel the same towards you as you her - then make sure she knows that. Explain to her that you care about her, and basically that you have stronger feelings for her - and that in order to not let this get out of hand and for it not to effect your friendship - that you need to know if she's interested in taking this further than friendship. SHe needs to know that your friendship won't change...if it won't!....and that you don't think its fair to either her or you to just pretend that those feelings are not there and to always wonder.

 

She might back away if she doesnt feel the same way. SHe might totally understand and things won't change. But whatever she says - take it for face value.

 

Note: If she tells you how great you are, that she's just not ready for a relationship or wants a relationship right now - that she doesn't "know" how she feels about you....take this as a bigger "no - i don't feel the same way"....FOR NOW! DO not keep your hopes that she will be ready one day - just give her time. That's your cue to be friends, hang out - but buddy - keep your options open and get out there to meet someone who wants something more!

 

good luck....hope this helps....

[MetallicAguy]

1. How to gently ask her out: It's very simple man. Heres an example that works, you can use it if you want I do all the time (since your already friends this'll work "Hey let's get together sometime go out for [movie, coffee, restuarant, anything]". You can't say like "You want to" that just sets you up for "No."

2.How to know if she likes me than more than just a friend?: Well there can be lots of things to tell. The easiest way is body language. You'd have to tell me if she was touching you alot and what she does when she's around you I can't tell you be guessing haha. ASKING IS BAD DON'T DO IT.

3. Should I ask her to go out for coffee or a movie? **** yeah you should. Just use my example to ask her out above. (See #1).

4. Should I tell her about my feelings right now or how? NO DON'T, she'll only run away. It's bad to tell a girl these things unless your 100% sure she feels the same way. You can by flirting. Example: If she's talking about a guy or something and how good the guy looks etc. You can say "Well that just makes me more jealous " And while your around her YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU. Anyway, you can get her to start liking you by using push/pull. People that are in classes for Drama in High School and College use it all the time in romantic plays/stories, except it's slightly different. I'm too lazy to explain it because on this forum I explain it to everyone with this problem so lol, here's an article on how it works. (WARNING: Use this correctly and a girl will do anything for you lol, and I mean like ANYTHING, you'll be on her mind 24/7) Article: link removed so read that up. After about a week of usage on her, or 3 days is usually when it begins, you will notice some behavior changes in her while she's around you. Now just use this until it integrates into your mind like a deep scar, and still after that keep using it lol. I can't stress on how important this is to getting women. So basically follow the answers to these 4 steps and she's yours dude. Good Luck and have fun teasing around with her haha.

[dreynolds]

Yes - MetallicAguy makes some good points - but i think it boils down to what you're willing to do here.

 

I've done exactly what MetallicAguy suggested....got burned at the end of it all and basically promised myself I would never do that again. If a girl likes me and wants to spend time with me - she will...no excuses. I know what I want - I know what I"m willing to give and get in return....if i'm not happy with how things are....then i don't waste my time.

 

I say go with what you feel best. I don't agree with having such strong feelings for this girl and spending the next 2 months trying to read signals...i did that - signals screaming "i'm interested"....but the truth was that the first guy she REALLY had feelibngs for came along...boom...she's gone...and she wasn't shy about showing this guy how much she liked him.....

 

Girls make it obvious....

[MetallicAguy]

Well yeah, do what you feels best but also use that method. And dreynolds, how did it not work for you in the end or whatever happened? Seems to work for me I've never had anything bad come from it.

[MetallicAguy]

Explain to her that you care about her, and basically that you have stronger feelings for her - and that in order to not let this get out of hand and for it not to effect your friendship - that you need to know if she's interested in taking this further than friendship.

That is just about the worst thing to do. You give off bit by bit by flirting and body language to let her know how you feel, you don't let it all out you release your pressure and you pressure her. It may feel good for you but she just sits there and goes "Uhh idk what to do, I'll run away", I did exactly what you said to do dreynolds when I was really young and the girl just told me "Oh...well I have to go now" then she just left me there sitting there wondering "What in the **** did I do?", it's called releasing the tension; bad thing to do. Clingy wimps do that (no offense), and I used to be like that and I never want to be like that again because I never got any closer to a girl from doing that.

 

 

Though I think dreynolds is right about this though;

Note: If she tells you how great you are, that she's just not ready for a relationship or wants a relationship right now - that she doesn't "know" how she feels about you....take this as a bigger "no - i don't feel the same way"....FOR NOW! DO not keep your hopes that she will be ready one day - just give her time. That's your cue to be friends, hang out - but buddy - keep your options open and get out there to meet someone who wants something more!

[dreynolds]

One girl - it went on for six months...a second...it went on for over a year....both had everyone who saw us together saying "wow - she's just a friend?? umm..i don't think so".

 

I would get a phone call first thin in the mornign when she woudl wake up - i would get a phone call before she went to bed at night. ANy and every little thing that happened to her - she would be DYING to tell me about it - over dinner...when we caught a movie...whatever. SHould I tell her how I feel? No - don't want to scare her off! Do I try to kiss her - when she's close....no...again - don't want to come on too strong. Her parents from out of town come to visit....cool...and she calls me to say "you are going to meet them right, you better!!!"....Wow - okay...big signal there. As she continues "I've told my parents all about you - my mom is dying ot meet you - she doesn't think you really exist"! Huh...interesting.

 

Parents got here - every excuse in the book...we never got together their entire visit. I suggested things - bad timing..things didn't work out. Her parents depart again - guess what - there she is again...all over me....

 

AFter the parents thing - i had enough....i told her i wanted to continue spending time wiht her - but this was too emotionally draining on me. I would go out on a date with soem girl I met - trying to "move on" - my cell phone rings 5 times...i don't answer (hate being rude on a date).....its' her...for crying out loud. My date asks "umm - you sure you're single?".

 

ANyway - bla bla bla - i could go on forever....but bottom line was I was being used....and it was too draining on me. I cut it off - that was it....like a bandade....RIGHT OFF! lol

 

Yes - it's rare to find a situationl ike that - but I found two women like that - wasted almost 2 years chasing/working for something that would never happen. ANd that was even with EVERYONE who heard and saw the signs/signals saying "WOW - she is definitely not just a friend..."...umm...ya she is!

 

For myself - never again. I never let it get that far. We're either dating - or we're friends...but the line is drawn somewhere. If thigns change down the road - fine....but I don't get "trapped" wondering anymore....as in cases such as this orignial post. That's just me though...

[peanut15]

There are ways to hint to a girl that you like her more than just a friend. Most of my relationships started out as friends and just developed into something more. Now, when I was in my early 20s it usually involved the guy getting drunk because that was the only way he was able to confess his true feelings for me. (I still laugh at that) but most of the time, the guy would throw out these comments and it usually started getting me thinking. He would usually start complementing me more on how I looked, he'd open doors for me or when walking accross the street, I would feel that he was protecting me from traffic. Also, as friends of course, hugging was involved but at times, the hugs would get a little stronger or tighter. Some of my guy friends and I would also talk about places we'd like to visit ( a restaurant, city or whatever). It usually involved a restaurant since we all loved to eat. I specifically remembered one time a friend of mine was going on a trip and he raved about this restaurant and he was happy to be going back because the food was good there. When he returned, I asked him if he went but he said "no, I didn't because its someplace that I would rather bring someone special to, if you know what I mean". After that conversations, I definitely knew he was interested in being more than a friend.

 

So I know these specific things won't help you but it just gives you an idea. I mean, in my opinion, guys are pretty obvious when they are interested in a girl. They think they are hiding it but we're a little more perceptive than you think. Go out with her like you usually do but maybe do something a little different to catch her off guard..maybe something fun that she's always wanted to do but hasn't.

[RageChemist]

Thanks for all of yours opinion I will try to do something having in mind yours opinion about my situation.