Long Distance Ex-Gf dumped me, rebounded with another rebound

[coleworld7]

Hey Everyone,

 

Im 24 years old from New Jersey. My ex-gf broke up with me about a month after a year and a half long distance relationship. This was my first girlfriend and true love. She lives in Nebraska. We met through a part time gig I had with a football team in New Jersey. She worked for her parents as an Accounts Payable Specialist with no degree for their businesses as they were franchisees of several tire shops across the midwest. She worked in her own parents house but lived on her own in an apartment in the same small town. I visited there when we played the huskers, met her there, exchanged numbers, and kept in touch. I started to text her on a daily basis when I got back. About 3 weeks in I grew an affection with her and I let her know I loved her. We continued to progress and eventually video chatted each other on an every day basis for the following months. During this time she said she loved me as well. We decided to visit each other again and I booked a flight down their during my spring break of senior year in college for about 10 days. I met her family and they took a particular liking to me. I went to some NCAA tournament games with them as they got tickets for us. I took a particular liking to her mother rather than her long time stepfather who she considers her real father. I was quiet but they knew that me and her had a special bond together. Visit went well in its whole. I lost my virginity to her and we had sex many times during the course of the trip.

 

I got back home afterwards we talked continuously on an everyday basis again until she came and visited me a few months later for about a week. She let me know herself about what her parents thought of me. They liked me a lot she said and she told them I was someone she could consider marrying. I took her around NYC, had her around my family a lot, took her to the beach. She loved her stay. The next visit came months later over the summer after I graduated college. I went to visit her for about a month. I wanted to be around her even more and her family actually invited me on a family vacation with them to California with them paying for my flight arrangements. I also went to her parents 20th anniversary party and everyone seemed to like us a couple and thought we were a good fit long term. The rest of the visit I stood in her apartment with her for about 3 weeks and got to know what it was like to live with her. One day I was kind of snooping around her apartment while she was at work and found a notebook. It contained a wedding itinerary with my name included in it. Where it would be, how many people, what clothes we should wear, etc. I was actually excited about this when I saw it and I brought it up to her. She said it was nothing to freak out over. Just having fun and jotting some stuff down. Hmm. The rest of the visit went very well but there was one complication. She asked me if I was ready to live with her. I told her nothing is set in stone but Im willing to plan ahead for next summer as a ballpark move in date. So we sat down and created a plan to save money, look at places together in the Omaha area, and explore job opportunities there. In the back of my head, I knew something was wrong with this at the time. I wanted to be very patient with this type of relationship as it was long distance and my first one. At the end of my stay, her parents gave me a heart to heart talk about finding a full time job and being a man in the relationship because they felt that we had great potential for a future together. I had a problem with this speech and I was intimidated by them because her family is relatively wealthy.

 

As the summer winded down, I decided to keep working part time at my football job. I really liked it as I was traveling to different places and it would get me even more sure of myself if this girl was someone I could commit to. She was fine about it at first but it bothered her down the road for the subsequent months in the fall as we were at a standstill in her mind. I still worked a dead end job and we had an argument over where we were looking to move. She suggested that I move to her small town instead of a city environment to gain experience and it would be easier to move in with her in her current apartment rather than look for a new one. I got pretty angry at this because I wanted to get a job with my degree that paid a salary that I went to college for. She took offense to this that I wasn't making any sacrifices for us and I was being selfish. After about 9 or 10 months of every day talk, she wanted a break of communication for a short while to have some space. She wanted to assure me that we would still be together but we would not contact each other for maybe a couple of days or so. It worked out good for us. She texted me one night saying she missed me and we continued our relationship as if nothing ever happened. (Kind of a sign for things to come)

 

She next visited for about 5 days on an extended weekend to my location. It was about a week after our 1st year anniversary. Over dinner one night I presented her with a gold diamond necklace to show my commitment. Again she loved me and the visit, sex every night, enjoyed time with my family, cried when we had to leave each other. This was near the end of my football season when I would be out of work. At the end of the season, around Christmas time, I realized I had to find a full time job and started applying to some but I wanted to see her again one last time before I would commit to one. I went out to her for new years eve for about 10 days or so. This visit was noticeably different. Unemployed at the time while she was working every day at her parents. I would stay at her apartment for a full time work day alone while she worked for at her parents house. They didnt want any distractions from their work so I just kept myself occupied at her apartment and around town until I picked her up from work. I noticed she was distant and would not be into sex or any type of flirtation at all. There were even a couple of days where our communication was non-existant. She would bring up things like why can't you grow into an adult and why is she the only one doing things in the relationship to make it work. It was almost like she didnt want me to to be there. On the last couple of days in the visit, she started to be herself again knowing that I was about to leave. We went on a fun date and had sex. When she dropped me off at the airport. She gave me plenty of kisses and said she loved me. This would be the last time I would see her in person.

 

The next month afterwards I was applying to jobs aggressively and had no type of luck with my lack of relevant experience in the career field I wanted to get into. During our video chats, I noticed she was very very agitated and not receptive to my love. I became unhappy with this and it had an effect on my self-esteem as I was sad for her not being there for me. One day she said she was going to do some errands and said she would see me later tonight after video chatting with her in the morning. I never saw her face again from that point on. I texted her questioning why she was acting this way and why can't she trust our relationship that things will work out. She told me she wanted another "break" apart. This time she wanted it to be pretty long...at least a month she said. I was very angry at the time and I felt that she really just wanted to break up with me because I didn't have a job. I said some stuff out of bad emotions (curse words) that hurt her within the next few days.

 

She officially broke up with me because of this because I was immature with the situation and was desperate. It came to the point where I texted her parents in the middle of the night to ask for that necklace back and let them know that shes seeing someone that they know to get attention. This was after I found out about the rebound that Im going to describe below. I didn't know how to react to this as it was my first breakup with the person I loved so dearly. Great memories together, awesome chemistry, our families loved each other, etc. I begged and tried to convince on and off for a couple of weeks when I should've done no contact right away had I known. I asked her how she was doing one day and she told me she was going skydiving in 2 weeks in Colorado. About a 6 hour drive away from her town. I thought this would kind of release the stress of the situation with her. It turns out she invited a guy within the tire business of her parents to go skydiving with her and they exchanged phone numbers because of this and started to date. She even sent me a picture of them getting their skydiving gear on together. Guy looked several years older than the two of us and he probably has a job in the family business. This was about 1-2 weeks after she dumped me. She said they knew each other growing up in the tire business and they were both coming out of breakups and "they felt like the same person" only after a week of talking. She told me she knows it was very quick but it just kind of happened. I contacted her best friend to find out if she honestly had feelings/talking for this guy when we were together. She told me honestly that she was faithful to me during the course of the relationship and they were never talking during it. I believe her.

 

Now some history behind my ex:

-She was married out of high school and it didn't work out and got a divorce. He didnt have a job, cheated on her, did drugs, abused her. (She said that I reminded her of her past relationships)

-She has had a fwb relationship before me. Shes not the type of girl to sleep around easily and screw on a one night stand at all but she would definitely be down with fwb.

 

I honestly don't know what to think about this. I feel like shes going to contact me maybe a month or two into her new relationship. Again its a double rebound, more than likely two dumpers.

I just started doing no contact over the weekend as I was emotionally distraught over finding out about this guy. Its been about half a week only.

I miss her a lot and feel sad despite starting to work towards getting a job more aggressively. Some interviews coming up. Getting in shape.

 

What am I supposed to make of this? I love her and I want the best for her going forward. Thats the last thing I said to her. I dont want to be some fall back option or safety net but I genuinely want to be there for her as I will always love her and she was special to me. Im not looking to date anyone or mess around. Im too heartbroken to do that for a while. I'm working towards bettering myself and things are starting to get better but I am leaning towards giving this another shot if she does contact me. I feel that she is definitely forcing things with this guy find love and its not going to work out but what do I know. Looking for advice...

 

Thanks Guys

[Belenchi]

Hey cole! Hang in there, try not to contact anyone, please don't ask for gifts back, it is tacky. Usually the behavior she is showing is due to an internal crisis...let her explore, let her find that what you had was awesome, let her think she might loose you. Give her time to forget the unpleasant things and try to gain some confidence back. And when she returns, decide if YOU want het back, and really make her fight for it as much as you will have to so as to try and avoid future relapses! Best of luck!