Getting lost in oneself...

[WhiteIcE]

The secret to a fully functional human life relies upon many factors, one of these factors are self belief (or confidence) and your ability to do the right thing at the right time.

 

Many people have extreme problems getting people to like, or be attracted to them, I think, mainly because, they are not acting like their "pure" self. By pure self, I am referring to how you act around yourself, when you are alone, with the traits you hold in your mind. Don't be worried if you are confused....I'm trying my best to explain this the best I can before posing my question.

 

I find this in myself, possibly the weakest trait I posses. I cannot be myself during the majority of the day. I find my personality shifting to suit the others around me, and cannot seem to act the way I really want to act when it is most important. I make poor decisions in society, when someone makes fun of someone, I laugh, and I know its not funny, in my head I completely dissagree, but instead of standing up for the victum, I become robotic and follow the flow.

 

I wish I could just completely ignore all the people around me, simply so I could act like myself, but I do not know how to show the people around me the real me.

 

I'm starting to wonder if I should do some personal ventures out into my city, maybe go by myself somewhere to try something, to get comfortable with myself, but I still don't know. I think my personality is getting lost..I want to act like every day is my last day alive, I just know that I would feel crazily insecure and I want to erase all my insecurities, but how..

[SkyFire]

In order to "be yourself" and get good reactions, you must do 2 things:

 

Change yourself into the person you want to be, and always keep improving. The improvement and change must happen in your HEAD.

 

Not give a damn about what everyone thinks. I mean truly not give a damn.

[WhiteIcE]

Wow I really wish I could not give a damn, but its sooooo hard

[SkyFire]

Confidence is key. This is how it is:

 

BEttering yourself ----> confidence ----> not giving a damn

[detox5]

I think i was at this postion once in my life, how i changed it, was that I took some time out from ppl. I was alone a little, before bed time was my mind training, who i wanted to be what i wanted to change. I think when you go around the ppl you normally are with like friends and such, thats the time when you go back into old habbit and forget the progress you made the day before. Music is a great helper, i used to use music alot to stay strong, wow still do, but its all mind training in my eyes.

The first step for me, was identifying the problem and being apart of the solutions, i would be like, i HATE It when i do that, im not gonna do that anymore. Every situation that occurred to me, i would judge how i handled it after it happened, and thought man that was crap, i didnt like how i spoke, how i acted and stuff like that.

Hope this helps.

[DN]

I am not sure that I agree with "truly not give a damn about what other people think". Take that to an extreme and you have a definition of a sociopath.

 

The trick, surely, is to discriminate. To know when what other people think matters and when it does not. To understand that you have to know yourself first and that self-knowledge enables you to take from other people's viewpoints that which you can learn from and to know what to discard as irrelevant to you.

[johnq]

Lol, I think it is most important to be honest with yourself. Really ask yourself what areas do I need to work on or improve? What part of me I am least comfortable with? What part of me am I most comfortable with. What are my strengths? what are my weaknesses? How can I manage my weaknesses? How can I exploit my strengths?

 

Once you begin to address these issues and tackle them successfully confidence should improve as you move in the right direction.

 

You do need to break off from the pack a little so you can make an unbiased assesment of yourself based on your experiences, and not on someone else's biased views of you as a person.

 

As you work in self improvement it is good to interact with new people, to see how these changes reflect in your new relationships. What impact these changes have with people who did not know you before, people who do not have an old opinion of you, people who are forming a new opinion of you.

 

Hope this makes some sense, and helps 8)

[johnq]

Also, you should have goals in your life. A purpose. Things you want to achieve. Now stay focused on those goals, and every inch of your body should move with the purpose of achieving your goals. How you interact with people should be based on those goals. Then truly, and automatically you start not giving a damn about what others think, because you have a purpose in your life. It should give you a sense of security, because you truly focus on the "big picture" and not on the small things. In the way you will meet people, friends and allies who are in line with your goals, and they will eventually be the ones you will bond with, and whose opinions you will value, because they are the ones who will help you achieve your goals. You will work towards a future based on those goals which will also give you a sense of security, because you will have a sense of where you will be going. This has worked for me. 8)

[kuroshiro]

wow.. comforting to know that other people are going through the same thing as me and getting stuck in the same rut. A pity the answers aren't grown on trees or rain from the sky or something. Anywho, I understand about the "pure self" thing. Do I believe it, well, maybe not (if a chameleon can change colors to camouflage, why can't I?), though that's because I have the tendency to flip things around in my head to make more sense. For example, if you can easily adapt to others, then your a social genius because you know exactly how to act to whom and when, but have you ever tried adapting yourself to the victim? You'd be surprised the results that can give you! The "flow" is your own perception of what is going around you. Invert that flow and you can, almost literally, swim against the current. Ah...you had a different question i think...how to erase all your insecurities....what, those little voices of doubt at the corner of your mind? Mmm, that takes time and dedication. I mean, if you really want to change and leave those things behind, it has to be a 24/7 thing. Think about it, you're going to fight against yourself here, you need all the heart you can muster. Still, it's not impossible, and if you do that "live each day as your last" you should be able to find the strength you need to ignore the little voices. It's kinda like jumping into a cold lake. You're standing on that little wooden platform thing shivering and looking down into the water you know is gonna turn you blue and you just want to run back to the beach or whatever and wrap up in a towel. But you also want to jump in. So what do you do? go against what you think is logic and just jump. To take down your insecurities, that's the best bet I know; just do it.