She's initiated contact three times in two days

[adviceplease2]

Hadn't talked to her, hadn't planned to talk to her....she tells me what time the next ultrasound is...yes, she's pregnant and "took a step back from me" aka dumped me. Then texts that same night to clear the air about something with my cousin who was a friend of hers. Then sends me pictures of my kids she took at a school event yesterday...with me in one of the pictures.

 

During said event, she was trying to pass through the line to get to the other side and guess where she picked to pass through....yep, right where I was so I'd see her.

 

I don't have a question, just venting. Been doing as well as I could....then the last two days....boom, there she is. She knows all I wanted to do was take care of her and the baby, but whatever.

[DoF]

Imagine living with a creature inside of you. She is pregnant. Sounds like you have been down this road. It's hard and mood swings, mind chances are normal during this time.

 

Why did she dump you? Why are you reluctant to work with her and possibly reconcile?

 

You WILL have to be in contact with her whether you like it or not, due to children. Assuming you do end it, keep it limited to CHILD ONLY communication.

[adviceplease2]

I would love to reconcile....want nothing more than to reconcile with this woman and be there for her and the baby.

 

We got in an argument because we'd gotten distant right around the beginning of December....because she was understandably sleeping quite a bit and I'd ask her how she was, if she needed anything....she snapped at me for that eventually. Then, because we don't live together, I just wanted to visit her, even asked to take her out.....she accused me of having a pity party and being butt hurt because we won't see each other.......

 

I was super nice in my responses because I know she's hormonal, but damn, she didn't communicate anything with me, I don't have mental telepathy....and she'd become so distant what could I do?

 

Ultimately....I'd love for her to say hey, I need you, I don't want to do this alone.....because hell, I told her she didn't have to do it alone...I don't want her to do it alone....I've apologized for everything I could think I might have said or done wrong for her...but when I did, she said she knew what needed to be done to get ready for the baby and that's why she was still fine taking a step back from me....she didn't need the stress or guilt.

 

I love her...I'd do anything for her and the baby.

[DoF]

Sounds like you are begging for some companionship.

 

Go visit her without even asking. Just be around her, even if it means DO NOTHING. Support her.

 

Please tell me none of that happened over text or something. That wouldn't be good (gap in communication etc).

 

Once you invest time (assuming she even lets you), she should get to a point where she opens up etc. But if you do manage to be with her, 2-3 days in, talk to her about companionship and how important it is in relationship.

 

EVERY relationship NEEDS on regular basis/IN person time. Without it, relationship will die by default.

 

For now, just focus on getting yourself in person with her and just have fun. Give her a good back rub or belly rub.....BE THERE!

[adviceplease2]

I guess I am...didn't feel like it, was just trying to see her and visit her to let her know I was there.

 

We had regular lunches together, worked close enough to meet, but yes, her preferred method of communication has always been text. I even got the, you don't text me first enough. I basically couldn't do anything right at any point in the last two weeks of December. Was at a total loss.

 

Problem right now, I've got custody of my kids (previous relationship that as been over for 2 years) and they only see their mother on supervised visitation....and this supervised visitation was filed and started all around the time she found out she was pregnant so my weekends with her where it was just us were cut.

 

I think we died by default and circumstances...seems like it was perfect storm. I've said I wanted to be there for her, but she won't let me....I've paid her ob deductible, given her a gift card for maternity clothes, apologized.

 

I'd love to just say hey, lets meet up for lunch just to talk...but what good does it do if she "is still fine taking a step back from me"

[skern]

For now the best thing you can do is be there for her when she lets you and don't give up. But at the same time, don't push if she pushes back too hard. She is dealing with a lot of hormones and is a little scared of her situation, but she also knows she has the upper hand with you - after all, she's having your baby - so she can go ahead and be as pushy and y (excuse my language) as she's feeling because she knows it won't scare you away at this time.

[adviceplease2]

And that's exactly right. She knows she has the upper hand....she knows what kind of man I am....the stepping back from me I've been hoping was because we'd had to spend our time with her child and mine with us and she wanted less stress, because yes, that many kids gets stressful obviously. She was so vile when she broke up with me, so hate filled that I was completely broadsided by it all....she knew exactly what to say to hurt me the most.

 

She knows I'm here and how to reach me is how I've been playing it lately. I've helped her with money and let her be. I've been praying that somehow this will work out in the end because our time together has been the most fulfilling time I've had in such a long time...

 

Anyway, thanks for the responses....was really just venting but those helped me a lot. Been so confused....and we run into each other at the school...still feels odd her distance when we see each other, but I just roll with it. She knows where I am.

[patterned]

I'd ask her how she was, if she needed anything....she snapped at me for that eventually. .

 

I was super nice in my responses...

 

By your description you come across as a pleaser. Do you think you might be acting like a people pleaser? You can still be available and supportive by working on yourself, and that's what I would focus on.

[adviceplease2]

Ran into her at pick up at school...her little girl ran up to me and hugged me. I miss her and her little girl so badly...that hug set me off tonight....cant hold it in..