LG999 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I am 18, and I know that is a really young age to feel like it's impossible to make friends, but I am struggling. I have some acquaintances and it's difficult to make them into anything more. I have just started at university and surprisingly it has been really hard to make friends since everyone seems quite closed off, but I know I can persist with people at university. However, when I am back home in my hometown, I haven't really got any friends here and I'm not sure what I can do to make any. I have looked at all the local clubs in our area and there aren't any I would want to join. This town isn't particularly great at holding events. It's pretty quiet here. In the city where my university is, I also can't find anything I really want to do. I don't have many hobbies or anything that I am good at. I don't feel interesting enough to be able to bring people towards me. I guess it's a question of how can I meet people, when clubs are not the best option as there aren't many here? Link to comment
DoF Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 First and foremost, accept the following. MOST people would be EXTREMELY lucky to find a HANDFUL of REAL/TRUE friends in their life. And what you have found is completely correct. Most people are selfish, arrogant and inconsiderate creatures (one can say they should be).....and are quite closed off and don't engage into deeper/more meaningful relationships/friendships. Many people, once they mature simply have no time for friendships due to job/responsibilities and other actvities. So it's not going to be easy, that's the norm! Also, even when you do find friends......friends come and go. The best way to do it is to simply find people that share similar interest as you. What is it that you like or love to do? Sports? Hiking? What are your interests? This is as important for YOU as it if for your friendships. YOU need to figure this out to keep you happy! And if you don't have any ideas, look to your childhood! What did you do as a kid? DO IT! You can also try new things, see if you enjoy doing it once you start doing it. It's ALWAYS great to step outside of your comfort zone!!! Once you figure out above, then you start looking for people that do those things and join them during those activities. Enjoy the activity and people that do them for what they are and see where that takes you. Do NOT force friendships or look desperate to do so. Just connect with people on the activity level and see where it goes from there. I would strongly recommend that you stay away from your typical/popular/party groups that Universities seem to be infested with. Remember, your main focus is education, not partying/wasting your life away with bunch of drunk/drugged up and careless/inconsiderate douchebags. And most importantly, adjust your mind set/mental side. BE OPTIMISTIC AND POSITIVE about finding friends, if you are not, it will reflect around you and you will turn people off (one of those six sense things). Good luck Link to comment
LG999 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 I really appreciate your response. Looks like a lot of soul searching to find what makes me happy. Thank you for your advice! Link to comment
DoF Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I really appreciate your response. Looks like a lot of soul searching to find what makes me happy. Thank you for your advice! I just saved you 15-20 years of finding that out. I just wish someone taught me these things at your age. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I live in a rural area and it's been very hard to make friends. What solved it for me was going to the local music school to learn guitar. I made friends there and thru those people met other people, it just snowballed. I suggest community theatre, night school, volunteering, go where the people are. It doesnt have to be a club per se. Link to comment
LG999 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 Thank you! That's really good advice. I'm going to keep looking around! Link to comment
LG999 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 What would you guys say if I said all of my hobbies seem to be ones you do by yourself? Do you think I should just continue to follow my interests until I can make something social of it? Sometimes there aren't any opportunities to learn or do my hobbies in a public place as there aren't always clubs or classes available so this makes it hard to meet people through joining classes. Link to comment
journeynow Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 What would you guys say if I said all of my hobbies seem to be ones you do by yourself? Do you think I should just continue to follow my interests until I can make something social of it? Sometimes there aren't any opportunities to learn or do my hobbies in a public place as there aren't always clubs or classes available so this makes it hard to meet people through joining classes. What kind of hobbies are you involved in or perhaps curious about and might explore in the future? If you give us an idea, we might be able to brainstorm some possibilities. Link to comment
LG999 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 I made a list: Film, TV, reading, writing, football (but there aren't any female football teams once you hit 18 years old), golf, DJing, dance (but I only do it in nightclubs with my friends - I'm far too shy to go for it in a class!), music, cooking, and I like making things to say the least. I'm interested in a lot of things really! I am in between a small town and a big city because I go back and forth from university. The city that my university is in has far more to offer but during term time I have a hectic time studying. Do you think I should just be persistent with finding somewhere that offers clubs/classes for some of these things? Link to comment
DoF Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 American football or football football. Sports you can play pick up, try meet up.com for what you have listed. Enjoying time by yourself is more important than doing so with your friends Link to comment
Crank Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 What alot of people consider friends these days to me are just acquaintances. Just because someone talks to me on occasion doesn't mean i'm their friend but yet they seem to think im like there best bud....a little strange to me. Being able to openly exchange talk about personal things to a person without fear of a babbling judgement is what really starts that....soo that said, hardly anyone these days want to either hear/talk about peoples feelings/problems/personal issues without the possibility to use it against them at some point. Was much easier to make actual friends at a younger age, older you get the more likely they will be just be acquaintances. So as far as advice on how to make them? Who knows... some people you just get good vibes about and it happens Link to comment
Eosin Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 The last few months I have made a lot of friends. This is a new thing for me since I have always been closed off and untrusting. I suppose the advice that I can give you: be a friend to people without expecting them to return the same treatment to you. I have found that when you are perfectly comfortable with who you are, and you are focused on the well-being of others, you will draw people towards you. This is something that I myself have recently discovered, and is working quite well for me. And then the more people you draw to yourself, the better the chances that you can pick out people that you would invest more of your time and effort. A caveat though is that you should remember your boundaries, and once you think someone is taking advantage of you, then stop relating to them, since you know that they are users. Link to comment
journeynow Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 I made a list: Film, TV, reading, writing, football (but there aren't any female football teams once you hit 18 years old), golf, DJing, dance (but I only do it in nightclubs with my friends - I'm far too shy to go for it in a class!), music, cooking, and I like making things to say the least. I'm interested in a lot of things really! I am in between a small town and a big city because I go back and forth from university. The city that my university is in has far more to offer but during term time I have a hectic time studying. Do you think I should just be persistent with finding somewhere that offers clubs/classes for some of these things? Yes, keep your eye out for classes to join, and then expand from there by connecting with classmates, and continuing the joint interest beyond the class. Sometimes those connections last, sometimes they don't "take", but keep up your interests and making connections through it. The interests you've listed are all interests that can be shared. I have friends in book groups, writing groups, dance groups (of different kinds, tango, contra, freeform, yoga-dance…small groups), music groups of different sorts, and definitely making things, others exploring spiritual issues, etc. Some groups meet regularly, some more sporadic as schedules allow. Forming friendships in adulthood might be different than in younger days, our daily and life patterns differ. It doesn't matter if you are good at your hobbies or not. Hobbies are to be explored. Have fun! Link to comment
DoF Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 What alot of people consider friends these days to me are just acquaintances. Just because someone talks to me on occasion doesn't mean i'm their friend but yet they seem to think im like there best bud....a little strange to me. Being able to openly exchange talk about personal things to a person without fear of a babbling judgement is what really starts that....soo that said, hardly anyone these days want to either hear/talk about peoples feelings/problems/personal issues without the possibility to use it against them at some point. Was much easier to make actual friends at a younger age, older you get the more likely they will be just be acquaintances. So as far as advice on how to make them? Who knows... some people you just get good vibes about and it happens Very true Most people mistaken/don't recognize their relationships. For example, if you look at me from the outside you would probably say I have a lot of friends....when in reality, I only have 1 true friend I value. Rest is just bunch of people I know/do things with but it's not deep connection or anything even close to that. Link to comment
DoF Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 The last few months I have made a lot of friends. This is a new thing for me since I have always been closed off and untrusting. I suppose the advice that I can give you: be a friend to people without expecting them to return the same treatment to you. I have found that when you are perfectly comfortable with who you are, and you are focused on the well-being of others, you will draw people towards you. This is something that I myself have recently discovered, and is working quite well for me. And then the more people you draw to yourself, the better the chances that you can pick out people that you would invest more of your time and effort. A caveat though is that you should remember your boundaries, and once you think someone is taking advantage of you, then stop relating to them, since you know that they are users. Solid.....SOLID advice. Link to comment
LG999 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Share Posted December 22, 2015 Thank you for all of your responses. You've all given me a lot to think about! Link to comment
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