Poll: Change of heart after being "just friends"?

[QBwannaB]

This goes out to all, but I'm especially curious about the female perspective.

 

I have a question regarding guys/girls who you think of as being "just friends." It seems the infamous "friend zone" is like the Bermuda Triangle. From what I've seen, it's near impossible to escape.

 

Has anyone ever turned down a good friend, but have a change of heart later? What happened to turn things around? Also from the other perspective, has anyone ever gotten out of the "friend zone?"

[themysteriousone]

i also want to know. because the girl i like(those who saw my topic will know) i think is really great and i dont want to be "just friends" with her. we have a good friendship but i cant help the way i feel about her. she said the other day she loves me as a friend and i hope it means that its not far off loving me in a bf/gf way rather than just being in the "friend zone".

[PrincessLinzay]

I think being "friends" with an ex is virtually impossible unless the breakup was both mutual and amicable.

 

Being "friends" with the ex is simply code for "not ready to let go of the comfort yet".

 

It is possible to be friends with the ex, but this is much later on, when feelings and emotions have diminished and aren't running in hyperdrive. Otherwise, one person will have a secret agenda. Mission? Win them back.

 

Some people want the ex back so bad, they are convinced that as long as they keep contact with them, they can convince them that they are perfect. This rarely, if ever, happens. Really, the only thing it accomplishes is prolonging the healing and agony process.

 

We reserve different sets of feelings for our lover (boyfriend/girlfriend) and platonic friend. You are more likely to get mad about certain things which otherwise wouldn't bother you in a friendship. The human brain finds it extremely difficult to separate the two.

 

So after all that, lol, I will say I think being "friends" with an ex initially is a horrible idea. Maybe later, but definitely not at first. There is a reason why they are your ex.

[boredguy]

hmm...it seems as though this post is pretty much filled with curious guys not getting much of an answer huh...cmon ladies...or the cats going to die from curiosity...

[PrincessLinzay]

Ahhhhhh, I see, I completely misread the post. My apologies.

 

In the case of "friends" then.......lol

 

I definitely think it's different for women than it is for men. That is, being friends with someone of the opposite sex.

 

My male friends have all told me that they have had romantic thoughts about all of their girl "friends". They kind of figure, "hey, she's great as a friend, why not a girlfriend"? Women on the other hand, don't necessarily think that way. Speaking for myself, I've really only had one experience in which my feelings progressed from those of a friend. He is my current boyfriend of over 2 years. And we weren't "friends" for very long, he was busy pursuing me.

 

I think of my male friends as "friends" because I didn't have a romantic inclination towards them. We don't necessarily see our male friends as potential boyfriend material. Of course, again, Im speaking for myself. I know it has happened. I have a friend who always develops crushes on our male friends. So it is possible.

 

I think maybe in a lot of cases, they've just never really thought about it. Gently remind them that you would be a great boyfriend just like you're a great friend. It is possible to breach the "friend" zone.

 

Good luck guys!

[arwen]

Eh, I think the friend-zone is infamous because when a girl says she likes you as a friend, she means she likes you as a friend and nothing more. In other words, it is a nice way to say she is not into you for more than friendship or she doesn't fancy you.

 

I have put friends there too, yes. For me as a girl it's sometimes difficult to accept that when men show interest and I would really like to be friends because I share things with them, their point of view includes more than that. It felt they were mainly physically interested and were friends to get something else, and disappeared when I wouldn't give that something else.

 

Ilse.

[boredguy]

well ilse, thats one way of looking at it, but there are always those guys who enter a friendship with nothing more on their agenda than friendship, but end up having deeper feelings along the road. Now, these feelings develop from knowing the girl and having stuff in common and watnot. thats notsomuch a physical attraction only now is it. whats ur opinion on that? cuz its not raelly a minority, its quite a few ppl.

[arwen]

It was to illustrate the other side of the question. I like to be friends with guys, because in many ways, communication with guys is... well, less stressful. They are more laid back and down to earth in friendships. I actually DO have male friends AND a boyfriend. The main reason I drift apart with those friends is when they get girlfriends who don't like the thought of having me around too much. Ugh, complicated.

 

But didn't this side of the story answer things?

 

For girls it could be that you lose 'a friend' because his intentions lay elsewhere than just friendships and for a guy to be in the friendzone (explicitly) this means there is just not more to it than being friends.

 

There is a difference though when the girl has a relationship I think. I was friends with my current boyfriend because when we met I was in a relationship. When I broke up, we got together. I had felt AND avoided the connection while in the relationship. Great thing is though, that we got to be normal friends first, now we are best friends and bf-gf... I was never happier in a relationship before

 

Ilse.

[arwen]

Yes, I do have friendships with males where there was no physical attraction at either side.

 

And I do believe there are guys with no agenda's of course!! Just stay friends and see where it goes... for me the main thing in a relationship is to be best friends in the first place, and for girls the attraction might come later as well.

 

My mother didn't feel more than friendship for my father in the beginning. However, they kept in contact, married and they are the happiest couple I know.

 

I guess what I am saying is that when in the friendzone, there is no attraction AT THAT POINT IN TIME. So don't EXPECT things to change, but stay friends! Who knows what great things about you she might discover and fall in love with... just let time decide and give a relationship a time to develop. Friendship is the most important in a relationship!

[SkyFire]

Also from the other perspective, has anyone ever gotten out of the "friend zone?"

 

Yes.

[sdw]

Both of my last girlfriends were friends first. Sometimes you can be friends with someone, who you find funny and attractive - but you might be with someone else so nothing can happen. It's true though that many guys who are "just friends" with a female are probably hoping that something else will happen. If you get on great with someone, you are friends for a while and it turns out you both actually quite fancy each other too, then this is the best way for a relationship to begin.

 

I should add that both these girls mentioned above were unavailable at the time we became friends so in many ways I was more myself than someone who was trying to appear attractive to them. It is a complicated one though, and if my gf had a very close male friend who was "juat a friend" who she shared everything with - I wouldn't like it. Neither would I expect her to like it if the opposite was true. These things are quite complicated.