Suicide-comments please

[Delaurence23]

I guess this is my test

for the sake of my knowledge against rest

im going bananas because i cant stand it

i hurt so bad inside, and still you till try to tell me itll be alright

but its been going on for such a long time i lost track

they told me its like beating there head against a brick wall

and there tired of bleeding

they say i wont help them

but the thing is i cant break the wall down

i wish i could, i wish i could try

but my trust

lies in no one person but a guy that is long gone

down the road, chillin in heaven with god

the one and only man i could trust

is now gone...away from me...

and now i got no one you see

its like a good bad karma thing

i feel like honestly

that you gave up such a long time ago

you only like the better part of me

but you cant stand to see the sadness within my heart beats

you never really tried

you always knew i would die

its back

its back again

the depression that never ends

i broke bones, ive skinned my kness

but nothing compares to wanting to die constantly

its my test of trust

that no one wants to pass

i hand my hand of gratitude to everyone that asks

you pile mud upon me

and i never give up

but when it comes down to it

you dont want noting to do wit this

you want to run away

and take my hurt and soul away and make me in a fake way

but im clinging on

because its the only thing i got

the only place i know i am

because i am

a fuc*** up man

Im ready to breathe

ready to die...and tonight it will be my answer

NO lie

[FindYourSelfFirst]

The sad truth is that our real life consists of a complexity of opposites --- day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one can prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. LIFE IS A BATTLEGROUND! It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, exsistence would come to an end.

 

Fight the Good Fight.....You will learn...you will grow.....you will see... the real me, the real me, the real me.........you.

 

Don't run....cause you'll always come back to it. Face the demons, get to know them better.....Gives you the control....over your destiny.

[Delaurence23]

I would like to know who flippin called a Delaurence over this post

even if it was all true

why is it your business?

[FindYourSelfFirst]

Although you may see your poem as being expressive, and using the forum to share your feelings....some may see it differently.

 

Lets say I'm a parent and worried about my 15 yr old daughter who is depressed over the break up with her boyfriend. I'm scared and worried about her, even though she may be oblivious to my concerns. I really really want to be able to do something to minimize her pain, or show that I understand her heartache and grief. So, I as a parent, who is scared to death, try to find anyway posssible to learn how my child is feeling and coping with this loss. And, I do the thing that is most likely to put distance between us, I check out the sites I know she posts on in a desperate attempt to understand. And although I know I'm impacting the trust that mother and daughter need to have, I feel like I've run out options ( How ironic, eh? a person "feeling" like they've run out of options...in life)....

 

So as I'm browsing thru the various websites, in an attempt to learn, to understand, and hopefully be able to do something to ease the pain of my daughter....I come accross another young person who seems to be going thru the same pain. Except this person has a "gift" of being able to express themselves. And the writer shows us the dark side of themselves.....(that many of us have or will face in life).....And then, it dawns upon me, that my daughter may be at this point in life...that tonights the night, no lie....

 

So I see an unusual name in the post and search the internet for a phone number....Maybe I can help someone. Maybe this young person is crying out for help....I dont know....but I do know if I dont do anything....I wouldnt be human....

 

Please forgive me....

[Delaurence23]

youre right, you did almost save someones life

i overdosed that night, i guess i would have done the same thing

but in my mind

the dark side of myself

is that i know im going to die in the next year or to

i cant explain it

i dont know how, but it is there...ive been suffering for 3 yrs now, and ive attempted it so many times

no one will understand the pain

theyll just use the word of psycho. I did overdose on pills that night, and i had to hide it from my parents

and im still affected now...i guess i understood where you came from, but the matter is that you cant stop a person from going through wit it

its there choice...im sry to say it

but its true...all us "depressed" people know it

[Delaurence23]

and if you get in my way like that, and take my freedom, of anything

because no one will understand i swear to god youre shoving me farther and farther from being ok

that goes for your daughter 2, if yousmother her

guess what shes gonna keep saying you dont understand, and its gonna push her over the edge...

[FindYourSelfFirst]

Im sorry to hear that you feel so bad and no one understands. That must be very frustrating.

 

My guess is there are people that care for you and love you...but struggle to understand you....It doesnt seem to me that that should be their fault (I'm not saying you blame anyone either). Understanding ourselves first, in my opinion is the hardest thing to do, and maybe should come first.

 

The tough part for people I think, is to really discover whats underneath all the pain and suffering. It's usually a lot deeper than most people want to go. I was abused when I was young and it wasnt until I was much much older that I understood where my anger, rage and especially shame impacted my behavior - good and bad....Good in that I always worked hard to prove to everyone I was okay....which got me far in my work....Bad, in that having to prove to the world your okay, every day for 30 or more years,,,,is kinda draining , exhausting....and keeps me from really knowing and enjoying the "real" me. And for years I blamed it on my parents, bad relationships, my siblings, pretyy much everything...until I got to the core of what was bothering me.

 

It seems like you do have some strengths...if you've been fighting this for 2 or 3 years....in some ways thats a positive....your strong, a fighter, a survivor....and there are lots of ways to battle depression these days...not just medicine....millions of people have it....so your not alone.

 

You like to write, right? There's a good place to start. There's some good books out there that can help you develop those talents...Let me know if you need a reccomendation. My daughter is journalling, to learn about herself, and maybe devlop a talent for writing....

 

Im reading a book on shapes and signs and will tell you what it means if you do this exercise.

 

There are 5 signs

 

Circle

Spiral

Triangle

Square

Cross +

 

Draw each one of these shapes with the first being your most "preferred" and the last meaning your least preferred....

 

Ill analyze it with my book......I think youll like what it says...trust me.

[Delaurence23]

Cross

Spiral

Triangle

Circle

Square

[FindYourSelfFirst]

okay-

 

First, this work comes from a writer who has looked at "signs" of many cultures going back many years.

 

What position you place the signs is part 1 of the interpretation.

 

Each Sign has its own interpretation. part 2

 

Part 3, you put it together

 

1st position (meaning the sign you draw first and so on)

WHERE YOU THINK YOU ARE.

 

2nd position is

YOUR STRENGTHS

 

3rd position

WHERE YOU (REALLY) ARE

 

4th position

YOUR MOTIVATION

 

5th position

OLD, UNFINISHED BUSINESS

 

 

NOW- THE DEFINTION OF THE SIGNS

 

CIRCLE - WHOLENESS

CROSS - RELATIONSHIP

SPIRAL- GROWTH AND CHANGE

TRIANGLE - GOALS, DREAMS, VISIONS

SQUARE - STABILITY

 

 

SO WHEN YOU PUT YOURS TOGETHER- THIS IS WHAT IT SAYS

 

WHERE YOU THINK YOU ARE. - RELATIONSHIP

(NEED FOR CONNECTION

FEAR OF ABONDONMENT, LOSS,

AND ISOLATION)

 

YOUR STRENGTHS - GROWTH & CHANGE

(NEED FOR VARIETY CHANGE

COMING TO THE SAME POINT,

OVER AND OVER, BUT AT A DIFFERENT

LEVEL, IN A NEW LIGHT. DREAD

ROUTINE)

 

WHERE YOU (REALLY) ARE - GOALS, DREAMS, VISIONS

(SELF DISCOVERY, FOCUSED ON

IDENTYFYING AND PURSUING A GOAL

FEAR THAT THERE WILL BE NO DREAMS

TO PURSUE)

 

YOUR MOTIVATION - WHOLENESS

(ASPIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE AND

INDIVIDUALIZATION. NEED SPACE

AND ROOM TO FIND THEMSELVES

AND DEVLOP THEIR OWN IDENTITY

FEAR- ENTRAPMENT...BEING CAUGHT

IN A SITUATION THAT WILL RESTRAIN

OR RESTRICT THEM.

 

OLD, UNFINISHED BUSINESS - STABILITY

(CONSTRUCTING A FOUNDATION

READY TO BUILD, TO IMPLEMENT A

PLAN, STRONG NEED FOR

CONSISTENCY, ACCOUNTABILITY,

AND COMPLETION.... FEAR THAT

NOTHING WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED

WASTED THEIR TIME....THEY WANT

RESULTS.

 

 

EACH OF THE SIGNS HAS THE MEANING...THE POSITIVES, AND THE FEARS.

 

IF THIS PEAKS YOUR INTEREST YOU SHOULD GO TO YOUR BOOK STORE AND READ THIS AUTHOR. THIS IS JUST A BIT OF HER WORK...DONT READ INTO TOO MUCH UNLESS YOU GET THE BOOK AND GET ALL THE DETAILS....SO YOU DONT MISUNDERSTAND MY SHORT ASSESMENT.

SHE IS AN ANTHROPOLOGIST, WHO HAS TRAVELED THE WORLD, WHO HAS STUDIED AND WRITTEN ABOUT PEOPLE OF ALL CULTURES....(YOU LIKE WRITING -RIGHT?)

 

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

 

 

 

 

THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK:

 

Signs of Life

by Angeles Arrien, Ph.D.

Pick one of the five basic signs of life (the circle, the triangle, the cross, the square, or the spiral) and author Angeles Arrien will tell you exactly where you are in your life's journey. A fascinating look at how our soul chooses the symbols that mirror profound lessons in our life.

[Delaurence23]

i think its flippin gay, you called someone over me, and now have my secret out

[avman]

This post locked for flaming.