Please help me be stronger.

[Jaela]

Hi guys, i've been very sad lately, and suffering from very low self esteem. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago because he was becoming more and more abusive, both verbally and emotionally. This is the second time I've broken up with him since we started dating four months ago. After each break he would usually contact me after a week or two, and I always went back to him, but his attitude became progressively worse. Last week, I told him that I loved him very much, but he made me feel frightened and I no longer felt safe or secure in our relationship. I told him I needed time to step away from the situation because I felt I was losing myself in the relationship. And I also secretly felt I deserved better. He has resorted to very derogatory name calling and insulting before, as well as called me a whiner for telling him he was breaking my heart. The problem with all this is, I do love him and it is taking all of my will power to maintain NC so that I can heal properly. I realize this relationship is not healthy and I need to stay away. But I find myself missing him and our happier moments together, and my heart aches. Then I think, maybe if we tried just one more time ... Can someone please talk some proper sense into me?

[TTSS]

Sorry to hear about your situation but I can't say that you are not part of the problem.

Reread what you wrote. He ABUSES you. You have been together for only 4 months and and you say that you love him and are willing to put up with that crap?

First off......NC means NC......IGNORE HIM.....DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM. You must be strong.

He will continue to abuse and disrespect you. Even if he gets all sweet and stuff to talk you into coming back you must remember that the sweetness is only temporary.The abuse will continue.....it's a pattern.

I would also recommend that you see some type of councellor to find out why it is that you have such a low self esteem.....I'm not trying to put you down at all......but it is far from a healthy relationship and you know it.

 

Don't let him get through to you.......if you do......be prepared for some sweetness for a short time......and MORE ABUSE in the long run.

 

 

One last thing......ask yourself WHY you love him. How can you love someone that treats you that way?

I think that maybe you love the idea of being in love with someone....of having a relationship.

This guy might tell you that he loves you but look at his ACTIONS. You will find love......it will take some time......in the meantime start to love yourself. This is NOT the guy for you.He is NOT the guy for you.....start to believe it.

Be strong and best of luck.

[Luscious]

I agree with everything TTSS said, if he loves you he will try to change to make you happy...you deserve more than a few good moments of happiness!! You must believe this because you said so yourself, sometimes we do not chose the people we fall in love with but you can defenitely chose who you share the rest of your life with.

He says he's going to change and never does...he's not serious about you or the relationship.

Ask yourself what do you love about him, and can you actually be in love with someone that treats you so bad. If you get all negative answers to the questions this then should be your motivation to move on.

[SugarSweetness407]

secretly felt I deserved better.

 

YOU DO DESERVE BETTER!!!...Just keep telling yourself that. I have to agree with everything that everyone has wrote to you, if you have only been together for 4 months...it will get worse.

 

Take it from me, I have been there, but I stuck around for 2 years. I know I am a stranger, but when you ask people for advice, it usually means you already know the answer. My ex boyfriend sounds a lot like yours, he always called me names, when I would cry, and blame me for all of his problems. Eventually he because more physically abusive...Please stay away from him.

 

You haven't done anything wrong, you just need to remember that it is not your fault for his behaviors, he needs to seek some help for his problems, help that you CANNOT give him. No matter how much you love him or how long you stay around...you aren't helping...just enabling the problem. He will see it as, well if i hurt her and she still sticks around, it won't matter if i am nice... he wont see it as you being supportive of him or trying to help him with his anger problems. or that you love him.

 

You have to also remember that he will try Manipulation to try to get you back, thats when the NO CONTACT is really important. You need to remember to stay strong. he will seem sweet and charming, say everything you want to hear, to get you to come back. and when you do the ugly cycle will start all over again.

 

I wish you the best of luck, please believe me...if i was in your shoes i would run away now, dont put yourself through the things i put myself through...in the end it's not worth it...it only makes YOU feel worse...

 

Just surround yourself with happy positive people, and hang out with friends and family A LOT. They are the ones that truly love you, you can do this...and if you ever need anything...just PM me i am here!! Good LUCK!