No Contact.

[AN2004]

For the first time in my life I am actually trying to do thos right...Any suggestions on how to really not contact? I actually have some stuff going on that I want to let her know about...It is so much like a drug..I just keep thinking..'hey a short email wouldnt hurt' Its only been a full week, but seems like forever

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I've been in your shoes recently so I can completely relate to you. I did everything wrong at first, contacting her for 2 months until I decided to try NC to get over her. Try exercising, a lot. That's what got me to stop and continue to not calling my ex. I did contact her recently after 1 1/2 months NC, to see if I was really over her and believe it or not, I am. Anyway, I told her I was sorry that I was contacting her so much after we broke up and asked her why she never e-mailed back. She told me that she was afraid I was being stalkerish and didn't want to encourage me (I was only sending a light hearted e-mail a week. hoping for a responce). It's a good thing I did do no contact or else I would have just ended up scaring her some more (although I believe this was only an excuse for her own NC). Although a relationship like we had before is pretty much out of the question, I was able to get my best friend back and that's more than I'd hoped for.

 

Now, I think she might wants more than just friends, pretty sure actually. She's been contacting me like crazy ever since, telling me how much she missed me and how she thinks she made a mistake. Only difference is that now I'm the one to occasioinally e-mails back, I'm in control. I'm not going to take her back though, she had a chance to work things out when she broke up with me, instead she just gave up without even hinting anything was wrong. I've told her this and she's now appologizing like mad saying she's sorry she didn't try to talk. lol It's always easier to apologize later than do the right thing in the first place, it was like a theme for her.

 

She hasn't really changed, but I have. I'm a lot stronger than I was back then and I'm not going to put myself in a situation where she will only end up hurting me again. That's the only thing you can really hope to gain from NC. Strength and the ability to realize what you want and need. I know it's like a drug, but you have to resist. Trust me, right now, she doesn't want to know about you. Maybe in the distant future she'll want to know, but right now you'll have to continue NC for your own benifit. Trust me, the longer it goes on, the easier it gets. In the meantime, talk to some friends/family or keep posting here. Did wonders for me when I was down in the dumps and feeling lonely.

[GaveTooMuch]

I know exactly how you feel. Me and my ex-girlfriend of 3 years have just recently broken up and have been in NC for a week. It is extremely hard since we used to be so close, talking everyday for hours and we always knew everthing about each other. It's very strange to talking to one another everyday for 3 years to totally no contact what so ever. I think it has helped me get over her though since I have been able to really take a look back and analyze everthing. I did nothing wrong and she still left me, I'm better off without her. NC is is not easy at all.... but it does give you time to see things for what they really are, and helps you heal and accept that things are really over now.

[Thyr]

Just don't do it.

Don't call, don't write, don't answer calls from her.

You'll want to know what's happening in her life like mad for a while but you need to find something else to occupy your mind.

 

By keeping NC you will become a lot stronger, just like Lonelyinasmalltown and like all the others that went through that, me included. You've lost some individuality in your relationship, you need to get that back, to exist for yourself and for no one else. She need to go back with the crowd, to become like anybody else you don't care about, to disappear from your head and from your heart. You won't be able to heal if she's always present in your life in one way or another.

 

It will get better as each week will pass by and yes a small message do a lot of harm, it tell her you're outhere thinking of her, being weak and lonely, it tells her you can't live without her.

 

Be strong, you deserve it.

[chai714]

Initially, NC is very difficult. You'll find that as you heal, NC becomes easier. What are your goals with your ex? I assume she left you, since you seem like you still have a strong desire for her. Remember, NC is to gain control of your emotions and to get your head clear. After that though, is when educating yourself and making sound decisions should kick in. It's probably a good idea to not email her if you have doubts. Always ask yourself before you do anything, "how will this affect the big picture?" Another important thing to remember is that it's not about how you feel, but how you make her feel, so if you do write an email, don't tell her how you feel - that is what friends and/or journals are for.

 

Thing to do while you're in NC:

 

1. Work out. There are only benefits, and no negatives to doing this, so why pass it up? If you already work out, switch up your routine, join a class (there are a lot of females in them).

 

2. Educate yourself. Again, you can't go wrong here. Read books - anthing that interests you.

 

3. Volunteer - this gets you involved in the community and helps you realize there is more to life than one female.

[sisterlynch]

Our hearts and feelings can't look at a clock and say it has been a month or a year, why am I still feeling this way? The good times will come and you will be happy again, just believe in your heart that it will get better with time.

[AN2004]

Thanks, This is really tough. I've been really trying to keep myself busy and trying not to focus on good times, instead I keep writing down the times which were uncomfortable, and the bad situations/times I found myself. It seems as if the good times keep coming back and I still want to talk to her in some aspect. I know I will get over it, and things will be better, its just really difficult.

[Thyr]

When I was in the same situation you are some time back I began to write a personal journal on my computer. I was just rambling in a word document, not trying to write a novel, just trying to get all of those feelings that were bugin me down on paper so they could get out. It helped a lot.

 

I reread it sometimes and I can see how things were dark the first couple of weeks then it goes better as time goes. I keep it so I can remember how it was and everytime I do I just can't believe I went so down to come back far stronger than I was before it all happened.

[AN2004]

I guess this one is particularly hard, because I made a lot of mistakes and I am being really hard on myself. We were pretty much inseparable, and best friends right up until the end. I keep thinking if I wouldnt have done this or that etc. Well its been two weeks since I saw her and a week since we have spoken. I guess it should get easier from here

[Thyr]

I believe you can learn a lot from this experience, take this chance to change the things you want to change in your life. I don't know your story in full but from what you told us, the relationship you had seem to have been really strong. Maybe you can give it another go when the ill feelings you both experienced will have disappeared. If she discovered that you worked on your behavior then maybe she'll give it another tought.

 

Maybe you can work on yourself a lot, physically and mentally and present yourself as the "new you" to her in a couple of weeks. Give yourself a set amount of time and then contact her to see where's she's heading. I believe 2 months is a good amount of time. It might even help you in your healing process just to see if there's a chance to get back with her. If there's none then you will be sure of it, but if she likes what she see in you and see the improvement you made on yourself then you might have another chance.

[AN2004]

Actually, I am doing all the other things...but I am not doing them in hopes of having her back. I am now reallizing that is a huge mistake. If I would have just moved on from another relationship instead of dwelling on the mistakes, this one might of worked out. The other mistake I am really not going to make this time, is to just rush out and hook up with someone else to forget this one. I am just going to make myself better, and try and learn (as hard as it is not to think about calling her) ffrom this. If I happen to run into her naturally then I guess then she can see the difference