And now... do I call?

[ForAnother]

So, here I am. lets see here, broke up with my ex of 10 months in early September, so 5 months now. We broke up (I initiated), primarily due to long distance, but also because we were having troubles with our ability to converse with one another. 2 months after our break up we tried the old friends thing, and she, because of her competative personality, started dating a guy 2 weeks after our break and she felt compelled to rub it in. Understandable.

 

So about 2 months after, I started the NC, not because I want her back, but because talking to her was slowly making me more and more upset and uncomfortable. So I have had NC for now about 3+ months. I think about her quite a bit still. Anyways, I am on the west coast, she on the east coast... and I have been home for Thanksgiving and Christmas (lucky enough not to run into her) and yet to contact.

 

When I finally initiated NC I basically said "I am a bit immature to handle what is going on right now, so I just need room to breath and mature till I can become a true friend of yours." So I said that I needed space to mature, and get over what has happened (she was perplexed as I was the one to initiate the break-up). Anyways, I still don't think I am over her enough to really be prepared to call her yet, however, (as we all are) I am ultimately curious how/what she is doing. I think that is wrong of me to be curious, yet I find it to be an inevitable thought. I don't get worked up about it like I used to, so I find some progress in that respect, yet I know that if I were to talk to her now, I would have a very very hard time being who I am, and I would prolly end up getting upset (over nothing).

 

I know that I am not ready to say hello again. I wanted to ask when do I contact again? Should I even consider ever saying hello again? From others experiences, do the "friends" after a relationship thing work? When is contact OK? I think that she may be dating someone, and I would be afraid to be a cause of their breakup because I am this "ex-bf" randomly calling, and I don't want it to be like that. Do I call nonetheless once I am prepared to call her?

 

Thank you for reading, lifes fun huh?

 

ForAnother

[twelve]

NOT YET

 

you are in a very similar situation to me.

my break up was also in september last year and done by me because of how i was being treated.

ANYWAY

I don't know when to or whether I should initiate contact so I am just sitting on it now, all the while trying to move on as much as poss (and not pushing this either).

I suggest you wiat as you are not ready yet and you know that, but perhaps a time will come when it feels right.

That is what I am doing.

Sitting on ideas of what I will say.

Making sure I am prepared...its scary huh?

If i gain any insight as to when contact should be made and by whom I wil let you know.

 

take care and keep us informed

[savannahohsavannah]

Interesting that the way you expressed yourself is so similar to my ex in one of his more peacable moods. But I can say that I would stay with NC for life here. I mean, what do you have to gain except to torment yoursefl? I do see that you are having communication troubles and that is worrisome! I'd get some books from the bookstore to read up on that, before I went out with anyone again. Start out with some simply stuff like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray.

Should be available in the library.

Good luck.

[ShuShu Fontana]

I would run far, far away from Men Are From Mars.

 

You're not ready. It may take years for you to purge your ex from your system. You are in a healing process and you need to stay there until you're healed. I wish my ex and I hadn't tried to be friends. It was WAY too much for me and I lost my mind, my dignity, and all my pride. After two years we're finally in as much NC as we can be having the same circle of friends. It's been about 2 months and I can't tell you how better I am now. Every time I talk to hm it sets me back. I know you're curious but you don't want the aftermath of having contact. Years. Wait years.

[ForAnother]

I know not to contact her now (or in the near future), but is it really ever right to contact her again in some respect. Like the only way I can see us saying "hi" again would be if we randomly walked into each other (odds are slim to none). I don't want to see her as of yet, however I know that down the road i will become quite curious.

 

So I suppose I just wait some more... ok.

 

I love this game of Love/Hate.

 

ForAnother