My ex wants to meet after NC for 3 months, should I go?

[dontknowwhattodo]

He broke up with me 5 months ago (confused, didn't know what he wanted, said I was almost the one but he needed to see others) after 6 months of awesome exclusively dating. I started NC on day one after the break-up. The first two months he did call me a few times saying we should hang out but it never happened. After that we never talked or had any contact for the whole 3 months. So basically we didn't see each other in person for the whole 5 months (I just disappeared completely from his life).

 

Today he imed me, we chatted a little bit and he then said we should meet. I told him we talked about this before (and it never happened) and he said he had been crazy busy with work. So he said he would absolutely make time to meet next week. I sort of start to date someone new now (nothing serious yet) and I am wondering if I should go hang out with my ex (he didn't know about this new guy). What do you guys think?

[HajiMaji]

Hey, why didnt you guys meet up when he called earlier in the breakup? Was it because you chose not to or because he backed out?

 

Nice work on sticking to NC too.. Bigger person then me

 

The new guy doesnt matter to go see him. If he knows or doesnt know it shouldnt matter. Do you want to hang out with him? Do you still have any feelings for him, romantic or otherwise?

[dontknowwhattodo]

Thank you for responding.

 

We didn't meet up/hang out after the break up even though we agreed to meet and be friends becuase he backed off (his excuse was he was very busy with work). We agreed to meet and he said he would let me know when but he never got back to me. He did this 3 times on the first 2 months after the break up and after that we just completely stopped talking to each other.

 

I still have some feeling for him but I don't want him back. Meeting him may or may not set me back to square one I am not really sure. This is why I am doubt if I should see him. Oh well, he might back off again next week, who knows.

[HajiMaji]

Ok, cool i feel you.

 

Thats not too cool of him to back out like that, but whatever. Unless someone thinks otherwise, id say i can pretty much be 100% sure that seeing him will NOT put you back at square one. I feel like youve come to this point you are at now, and although seeing him might resurface a bunch of issues there is no way he can negate all the work youve done till now.

 

It might help you to see him, it might not. For me i had an expierience over christmas break with my ex. I went to visit the daycare i use to work at to see the little kiddies that love me so much, and my ex was there. We met at this place, and seeing her there resurfaced a buncha memories and emotions. I was cool about it but she wasnt. She totally ignored me and made it a point to leave the room when i entered and things like that. There couldnt have been anything she could have done to be less considerate (aside from cussing me out) and it hurt me a lot. I realize she was freaking out herself, and thats understandable but i still felt bad about it.

 

So for the next few days (or week most likely) i felt really down. I remember posting on here a bunch, but honestly a lotta good came out of it. I stopped whining about her as much and realized certain things (like she never was trying to make me feel like crap, but just couldnt handle the responsibility of being in a relationship.

 

Seeing this guy's face, body, clothes, shoes whatever will bring back memories. I guess im just saying that if you see this guy and you happen to take it in a bad way like me, you will still be able to come out of the situation victorious. Nothing can break you. Youve gotten through worse and you already know the sad feelings pass. You will not be at square one again.

 

If you feel like you are just come back and post here again, we got your back

[chai714]

don'tknowwhattodo,

It depends on what YOU want. What do you want from him? A friendship? To start a new relationship?

 

If you want a possible relationship with him again, then of course you'll want to eventually meet up. It should be clear however, that you won't take him back immediately - that he will have to work on whatever committment issues he previously had/has. I would recommend coffee as a good icebreaker if you're going to go this route.

 

IF you won't want a relationship with him ever, then meeting up with him might be a kind gesture, but more a waste of time.

 

It all depends on what YOU want though. Do what will make you happy, because that is what is most important.

[DragonGirl724]

oh please, sounds like he wants his cake & eat it too. it sounds like it could be all BS. id let it go. go date your other guy. i had an ex that i didnt speak to for about 5-6 months & he came back too with all that: 'i miss u i want you back, lets work it out' bla bla BS. listen, if he wanted to date other girls then take these points into consideration:

 

1->he wants to F around w/ other girls b4 being tied down to you or anyone else. are you willing to tolerate that? & can you still share that intimate bond w/ him once you know he left you to have that w/ other chicks??? all that 'intimacy' seems tainted with if you ask me.

 

2->he wants you at his own descretion. when he wants you, so he expects that you should be there. all the times u wanted to see him he bailed one way or another. he didnt care really b/c if he did he woulda made time for you. i wouldnt tolerate that crap if i were you.

 

3->tell him youre dating someone else & want to see how things go w/ him first then you'll get back to him. (see how he handles THAT!-b/c in all due respect thats why he said he broke up with you...)

*youll see how soon the tables turn*

 

goodluck i wouldnt bother.

 

exs are exs for a reason.

 

-DG724

[dontknowwhattodo]

Thank you all for great advices. Hm, you guys have two opinions, so what should I do?

 

He doesn't sound like he wants to reconcile though. May be just a little catch up as friends. There may be something more in his mind, I doubt. I don't think he dated/dates someone after the break up. Even though he didn't say anything about that, I know who he was/is. And I don't care if he is now dating girl(s). He is an ex and what he does on his life is his business.

 

I asked him if he needed my number in case he needed to get a hold on me for the meeting next week, he said he still had it and told me don't be silly. I want to see if we can be friends so I think may be I should go and see him IF I have nothing to do that day. I have been through all of this and you are right that it is not likely that I will be sent back to square one. I learn my huge lesson. I actually cut the conversation short with him and said that I got to go. I think I am stronger than I was. Thanks again.

[DragonGirl724]

dont bother. save yourself the grive. you know as soon as you see him youre gonna be all over analyzing ever last damn thing he says & each move he makes. dont do it to yourself. move on w/ your life & leave him in the past. thats all he is to you now. the past. learn from it. if you see him its gonna make you feel worse.

 

"We met at this place, and seeing her there resurfaced a buncha memories and emotions."

 

THATS ALL ITS GONNA DO TO YOU TOO. dont bother. go do something productive thatll benefit YOU & your future that day & every day from now on. let him go. live your life for YOU now, he plays no role in it anymore.

 

-DG724

[DivineNess]

I have to agree with DragonGirl on this.

[HajiMaji]

Hey, nice work on cutting the conversation. Just for the record i wasnt saying i think you should meet up with him, i was just saying you arent going to hurt anything if you do in the long run. You may feel temporary pain, but like me, it might help you release some of your current attachemnts.

 

Haha, yeah - dragon girl is crazy with her passion to get over her ex and focus on herself. definitely try to feed off that energy. Even if you still think your ex is a good person and still love him and even if you still wanted to be with him realize your time and enrgy is for you right now.

 

Hey, i wanted to bring this up and believe me im not judging you at all, just trying to look out! Why did you ask him if he needed your number? His response worried me. I know its hard to read vibes when reading text but it hinted at you were the emotionally vulnerable one and he was the emotionally dominate one. I was watchin operah (yeah, im a dude that watches operah, a big f you to anyone who's got a problem ) and there was this episode on emotional abuse. He is definitely showing signs of an someone who cant care for another's emotions. Im not saying hes evil or anything but heres what went through my brain when i read about you asking if he needed your number.

 

You seemed like the vulnerable one and he didnt hesitate to make a little joke at your vulnerability. It is entirely possible (and probably most likely) that you were just asking him if he needed it cause you really thought he did, and maybe he was sad that you thought he deleted your number. I dunno i just wanted to get it out there cause thats what went through my brain and i do NOT want you to see him if hes going to be able to control those emotions inside you. If you do see him you gotta mentally prepare. Steal dragon girl's passion for a day and be all about yourself.

[ajk]

it sounds like you want to see him and at least see about being friends. if that's the case, then there's no problem with meeting up.

 

even though he may have bailed right after you guys broke up, it was probably the best thing for both of you at the time. it sounds like not seeing him has made you stronger. just because he's an ex doesn't mean you have to cut him out of your life completely.

 

you've been broken up for roughly the same amount of time you dated. i don't think it's an issue that you'll be overanalyzing things he says.

 

and it's up to you to see if that's a path you want to go down or not, in terms of whether you could ever be with him again. it seems like you're pretty sensible about it either way, so if you want to see him and he wants to see you, then go.

[dontknowwhattodo]

hahaha...I did ask him if he needed my number because I myself did delete all his numbers and all contact info, so I thought he might have done the same. Well, I can see that I am vulnerable to this. May be I have to re-think about meeting up. I still have a week to figure out.