My boyfriend says he doesn't love me like he used to...

[opalmind]

We're both 18, nearly 19, been together for 3 years.

 

Over the past 2 weeks or so we've become very distant, been arguing a lot about the same thing (him not making me enough of a priority over his motorbike) we both agreed it's getting boring and that we've become lazy in the relationship. We met up and talked last night properly for the first time in 2 weeks and he told me that he's been stressed because he might be getting a driving ban so he's trying to ride his bike as much as he can before then. So I understand now why he's been so upset and angry and distant towards me because this is the first hobby that he's ever enjoyed.

 

He's apologised for taking it out on me, he just doesn't know how to handle things, especially not arguments and he shuts off to try and avoid the conflict instead of trying to sort it out. He said that he'll give me more of his time and he's stuck to his word, he speaks to me more throughout the day and has arranged a date night for us.

 

He says that he loves me and he wants to work this out, he doesn't want to lose me. But then he also says that he knows he doesn't love me as much as he used to. It's really distressing for me to hear that because I don't love him any less, and I'm worried that his love for me is just going to keep fading away. Can love ever come back? Will he ever be able to love me the same again? Or are we better off breaking up now? I just feel really lost and don't know what to do.

[opalmind]

Now he's saying that he does love me the same way, but that things between us aren't like they used to be, and he thinks that even if we do try to make things work things will never be the same. What should I do?

[Willywagtail]

I don't know if there is a definitive answer to any of those questions, but I'm sorry you're feeling sad and upset.

 

The thing is, you've been together since you were 15. You're really both still kids, and it makes sense that your BF might want to ride his bike or be out with his friends. He sounds like a nice guy, and it sounds as if he's being honest with you.

 

Your relationship may just have run it's course. Three years is a long time for a young couple to be together, and love does fade in the sense that the intensity and excitement just isn't there any more. It's hard though when one person loses that love first, and the other doesn't.

 

Why don't you have another talk with him, when you're felling calmer? He sounds kind and he sounds as if he cares for you. Tell him what you're feeling, and tell him you'd prefer not to prolong the agony of being together if he doesn't love you.