am i wrong?

[dimp62003]

k my b/f's friends want to take him to a strip club for his b-day and im totaly against them i think that they are so nasty and gross. and he has always said to me ..." i dont need to look at any other girl your so perfect" so now it makes me feel,since he wants to go, that there is something wrong with me....but he just doesnt understand

 

but am i wrong for not wanting him to go?

[sonjam]

Ugh. You know, it's a male thing.

 

I think you are taking it to heart too much. If you trust him, he's not going to cheat. Men do this, and being the whiney gf at home is not going to help either.

 

Ok, so you complain, he stays. His buddies are going to be upset, and probably tease him and say you rule his life. He wants to go. He will probably go in secret next time.

 

My hubby goes when there is a bachelors party and the boys organise it. He never goes there alone, and only when there is a bachelors and they are in a group. SO WHAT??? It's really ok. He know the moral values of those girls, and that they are available for everyone and anyone. EEEuwww. But men look. In fact women like to look too. But that does not mean we want what we are looking at.

 

Try to feel more secure in yourself. naked girls, porn mags and strip clubs are never going to go away, and it's in their nature to act wolfishly around girls.

 

Feel free to disagree with me, but I have had fights with my first hubby about this plenty, I was insecure and young. I know better now.

 

The guys even arranged a bachelors for my (current) husband and they had a stripper. He came home covered in red candle wax and baby oil. They even put her business card with a full colour picture (she's beautifull) in his shirt pocket. We had a chat about it, he told me what happened and we had a giggle. I told her I thought she was stunning, and he said she was pretty.

 

That's it. No further discussion needed.

[twizod]

I agree wholeheartedly with sonjam. Who wants to be told what they can and cannot do if it is not harmful to them. I am not a big strip club person b/c it seems pointless to me but if my friends were going I'd do it. I do it for the social aspect and not to watch the girls. Unless this is harmful to him like a pattern with him, he uses to get back at you for something, etc...if it is harmful then it would be good to ask him that. But, if this is simply for fun I would advise to play it off like you aren't worried. A secure woman who knows she is better than a stripper is soooo much more sexier than a nagging g/f.

[sasha12]

I also agree, don't be the whiney gf. It's not as if he's going there everyday. It's just a birthday party with a bunch of guys. He has told you look perfect so why are you insecure about this?

[sasha12]

I also agree, don't be the whiney gf. It's not as if he's going there everyday. It's just a birthday party with a bunch of guys. He has told you look perfect so why are you insecure about this?

[ang3l2004]

I also agree there is nothing wrong with your bf going to strip club,It is no harm to you and if you dont let him go he will start to feel controlled if that happens then he will just go anyway to start making you mad because you are trying to tell him what to do,At the strip club girls dance and yes they dance naked but always remember who is he coming home to?It really does not matter that his friends have planned this for him to have one good night out,Dont feel down about yourself or think something is wrong with you just because of this,Trust me he might not even like it you never know,Let him go and have a good time and show him you trust him and you are not worried about it,Arguing over it wont help either trust me on that one it will just cause alot of trust issues and bickering....

[OceanEyes]

I don't ever think that it's a good idea to tell someone how they should feel about something. How do YOU feel about your boyfriend going to a strip club Dimp? Do you find that you have other insecurities within your relationship?

 

Having insecurities always makes situations like this extremely difficult. If you can't trust him enough, or if you have reason to believe that he might end up doing something bad, then you're never going to be able to relax. Ask yourself whether or not this is your own insecurity, or if something in the past has led you to believe that he can't be trusted.

 

Going to a strip club for a bachelor's party, or very seldomly, would probably bug me a little bit, but not that much. I can understand how you might be feeling right now. How other people feel about strip clubs shouldn't matter: if you're torn up about it, how is someone telling you that you're "wrong" for feeling that way going to help you? Best to talk to him about it, since he's the only one who can set your mind at ease.

[sasha12]

sorry dimp for my coments earlier, it just gets me mad when guys to this stuff. Guys seem to think that it's perfectly ok to go strip clubs even if there in a relationship. But in your case he does tell you that you look nice so you shouldn't feel so insecure about that. What exactly is bothering you? Can you explain more?

[Yorkrose23]

Being upset about your bf going to a strip club is IMHO, completely normal. I do not think you are necessarily insecure. I just think you love your bf and don't like the thought of other half naked women dancing around him. I do think that if he really loves you, nothing will happen. But if it bothers you, then I think you should tell him. Pretending like something doesn't bother you and going along with it will only lead to bigger fights in the future. I do not think it is whiney to discuss something that bothers you. I think he should at least hear you out regardless whether he decides to go or not.

[AlleyCat]

k my b/f's friends want to take him to a strip club for his b-day and im totaly against them i think that they are so nasty and gross. and he has always said to me ..." i dont need to look at any other girl your so perfect" so now it makes me feel,since he wants to go, that there is something wrong with me....but he just doesnt understand

 

but am i wrong for not wanting him to go?

 

First of all, the fact that he wants to go does not mean that there is anything wrong with you AT ALL. Guys just do this sort of thing (and some girls do too). No matter how much a guy loves his girlfriend/wife, he will still have a desire to look at other women. I'll never understand it, and I'll never like it, but it's something I think we just have to accept because it is unlikely to change during our generation, at least.

 

That does not in any way mean I think you're wrong for not wanting him to go. You're absolutely entitled to your opinion. And I can completely understand why you don't want him to go. I assume you've already explained your reasons to him. I think that's all you can do.

 

Last summer, when my b/f graduated from law school, one of his friends actually asked me for permission to take my b/f to a strip club to celebrate. I told him that I didn't like the idea, but I would deal with it if that's what they ended up doing (they ended up not going b/c the friend passed out early from drinking too much....). Anyway, the point of that was that I think you're entitled to and should give your opinion if you're opposed to the idea, but you also need to accept that he will do things like this that you don't like and you really need to just accept them (and stay away from being the "nagging" g/f). If he knows it bothers you that much, he might even make his own choice not to go, but feel better about that choice knowing that he was free to make it himself (rather than being forced to not go).

[mt_joy]

I definitely know where you are coming from. I personally have a problem with strip clubs. I think they are very degrading to women. And please don't attack me; I used to work in one. I know what they're like very well.

 

Don't be the whiney gf. Just sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him that you know you can't force him not to go and you would never want to forbid him to do anything, but you simply want him to hear you out and know how you feel about it.

 

Maybe he'll back out and maybe he won't. At least he'll know how you feel about it. And communication is so important in any relationship.

[youngin]

I personally have a problem with strip clubs. I think they are very degrading to women. And please don't attack me; I used to work in one. I know what they're like very well.

 

Ok, so ill try not to phrase this as an "attack," but you thought they were degrading to women, so you quit. That's fine. Obviously, the other strippers dont, unless they are being forced into it, which is probably the case about .1% of the time. If they think that strip clubs are degrading to women, then why do they do it? For the money? Well whose fault is that? Im tired of people arguing that strip clubs are degrading to women. Strippers choose to show off their bodies to horny men. Thats their fault. Lets look at link removed's definistion of "degrading": " To lower in dignity; dishonor or disgrace". Well guess what, of course being a stripper is not an honorable job. Stripping for the masses is not something you do if you have a lot of dignity. Sure, if men stopped going to strip clubs, they would go out of business. Well thats not going to happen. What can happen, however, is if all women stop being strippers. So stop complaining to those who go to strip clubs. Thats how men are. God made us that way. Complain to him if you want. On the other hand, God doesnt make strippers strip. Heck, I dont even support strip clubs, but arguing that they are degrading to women is becoming a cliche, its done so much. Trust me, the guys who go to strip clubs aren't listening, and they don't care. If strip clubs are that bad for strippers, then it should be much easier to get through to them. Now, I'm not saying that I dont care, as personally I dont go to strip clubs (and not just because im too young). But its pointless to argue that strip clubs are degrading. Whats the point? I mean wow no kidding. People already know, and 99% of them will agree if they think about it for 5 minutes. Its just that none of them really care that some stripper is degrading herself for money. Sorry if that sounded like an attack, its nothing personal.

 

 

 

 

 

Pretending like something doesn't bother you and going along with it will only lead to bigger fights in the future.

 

Now that I agree with 100%. It would just piss me off if my gf let me do something and later brought it up in an argument, especially if she didnt even say she was against it.

 

 

 

And to the original poster, why not try something like "well [insert bf's name here], you could either go to the strip club and have fun with your friends there, or, you can come home early, and we can have a little fun of our own " Of course this kinda depends on how far your relationship is.

[master philanderer]

there is nothing wrong with going with him to a booty bar. In fact, a gesture like this may actually strenthen your bond with your man. I know it would with me. Secondly, don't assume that a place you have never been to, is dirty or nasty. You may even enjoy the experience. At the very least, you might pick up on some strip techniques so that you can strip for your man and keep him out of the clubs. Think about it.

[mt_joy]

Well, the money is very, very good at a strip club. Many girls stay because they can't get jobs elsewhere that pay anywhere near as good. A few I know do like it. The ylike the attention, but most don't. They say, "It's just a way to pay the bills and not have to work 24/7."

 

Youngin, you're only 16. You're not quite worldy yet. Men are not "created" to go to strip clubs. God would not approve of that, so don't even go there. Men are very visual, yes, but they don't have to go to strip clubs to satisfy their "visual cravings." So, basically, I'm saying your opinion about tstrip clubs does not matter to me. We are all here to post what we think and for you to tell me not to waste my time because no one will change? Whatever.

[OceanEyes]

there is nothing wrong with going with him to a booty bar. In fact, a gesture like this may actually strenthen your bond with your man. I know it would with me.

 

I respect your opinion, but I have to disagree with it. Do you honestly think that a girl who is completely against her man going to a strip club will be interested in learning to strip, just so she can keep him away from that? That concept seems extremely submissive, and seems to neglect the way she feels about it. I don't want to sound antagonistic here, but if it takes my man going to a skin bar to 'strengthen the bond', then I would have absolutely no problem staying single for a very long time.

 

I will agree, that a relationship is about compromises, but I don't think that a woman should just have to "deal" with her man going to a skin bar. I used to go a lot with my guy friends back in the day, I'd BS with the dancers and have a great time, but I have to tell you, I wouldn't put myself in the same situation now that I am in a relationship.