Confusing situation

[danman794]

So me and my ex have been a bit on and off for a month now. I am interested in a relationship, but she cant be in a relationship right now she says. She says that she views me as someone she wants to marry and feels like if she enters a relationship with me that we will end up getting married. Keep in mind she is 18 and I am 21, both in college. We have known each other for only 6 months but she is dead set on the idea that she will end up with me it seems. I dont think she is lying about this either, she is terrified of commitment and started crying and got hysterical when we were talking about that.

 

We finally ended things for real this time because all she says she can handle right now is flings. Here's the fun part for me. She already is in a fling with another guy which isnt exclusive, although we met at a party and made out and spent the night together and she felt bad for him and apparently he felt terrible. I also found out she lied to me about sleeping with him less than a week after our break up when we were talking that night. She said it was to protect me but I dont know. If it wasnt for her friend I wouldnt have known she was lying to me, although she told me without me saying I knew. (we got into a yelling match which is weird for me because Im the calm one).

 

She seems dead set on having her flings to see what else is out there. She wants to text me over the summer and reevaluate things and try and make things work when she will have more of an idea what she wants (she must have said it 100 times that she is confused and the idea of me terrifies her). It leaves me in a ty situation and it bothers me that she knows that I am someone she could be with long term, yet she doesnt want to be with me right now.

 

Can anyone offer advice, tell me how ing stupid I am for still caring about her, or tell me about a personal experience? I dont come to this site often, but when I have I have gotten great advice when I needed it most. If youre wondering how I feel about her, I am in love with her (as she is with me), the difference is it doesnt scare me and I can do something long term. I do see a possible future with this girl, but I dont know how to deal with this situation. I know how to deal with a break-up, Ive already got back into my hobbies that I wasnt able to do as often because we were together. Im curious if anyone else thinks she telling the truth.

 

I really appreciate any feedback y'all, anywhere from an essay to telling me im an idiot for caring for her. Thanks in advance

[mhowe]

You should not wait around while she sows her wild oats. Because whether it is 10 guys or 50 guys...you ate never going to get over that you werent worthy (in her eyes) of staying together. It will likely be a decade by fore she is ready to settle down.

 

Go out and enjoy life. Remember the lovely fling and move on.

[danman794]

Its funny you mention that. I said the same thing when I asked if I just wasnt worth it to her. I got a screaming "Stop, youre killing me." Lots of fun T.T

[obsessed2]

"Im curious if anyone else thinks she telling the truth."

 

It doesn't matter what she says. I have been through this so much with my ex. Her actions have told you what you need to know. Even some of her words "She wants to text me over the summer and reevaluate things and try and make things work when she will have more of an idea what she wants". Don't waste your time on someone that doesn't know what they want and you do. You know what you want and she doesn't. I know you're doing other things with your time, but you should tell her what you want and if she doesn't want that, then let her know that you will move on and you guys shouldn't be in contact. Let her go out and experience what she "says" she needs, but you cannot be in the picture at all. You can't give her the luxury of her being able to do whatever she wants and still you have there at all. You need to disappear. If she comes back sometime down the road, then you deal with it then, just don't wait around on her. You'll just become a convenience for her if you stick around.