I Don't Have the Strength! -UPDATE... NOT GOOD

[alona125]

Hey Everyone,

 

Thanks for your encouragement.

I am actually doing well. I stayed away from him for a while before, then foolishly went back, but I don't see myself doing that again.

 

Like you have all pointed out, its not worth my life and sanity.

 

He has called, but I have not answered. I don't want him to blame me anymore for things I didn't cause.

 

I am turning to my family and friends, and here, and it has helped a lot.

 

This weekend will prob. be hard, so I will be keeping on this board.

 

Thanks again to everyone. You dont' know how much I appreciate it.

Hope: Thanks for checking in. =) I keep reading your story with your ex, and it keeps me away from mine.

[grinand bearit]

Alona,

 

Please keep in touch here. Spending time with family and good friends is the best thing to do right now.

Missing him and what you hoped for will continue for awhile. Be patient with yourself, let the pain come, cry, be angry...it will be easier as time goes by. The waiting is the hardest thing.

 

Be well,

 

grin

[Shadows Light]

Alona,

 

Get out and stay out now. He's gone past the point of no return. Emotional and mental abuse is bad enough... but its gotten physical. I am a testement to it doesn't get better. I married mine. I'd been with him for 18 years. And yes.. many many good times. And during the bad times... well I rationalized and thought that Children would give us the stability that we needed. It didn't. And now... I'm locked in a bitter divorce. And how do I protect my children who HAVE to go to thier fathers. He's turned the tables on me...like its all me. I'm crazy. He's going to break the cycle and make sure he raises his girls to be NOTHING like me.

 

My self-esteem. Almost nill. Don't do this to yourself. Get out and stay out. Look at your first family...relationships... did this happen in your mom and dads relationship.... why is it you feel you needed to stay?

We choose mates sometimes based on familiarity. I did. And look what happened...

 

good luck... to you.

[Hope75]

Hi Alona,

 

glad to hear that you are staying strong....how did the weekend go for you? Keep leaning on your family and friends, and here. of course, that's why we all come back!

 

I am glad to hear my miserable story is helping you stay strong. If ift can help someone, it would be worth it to me, all that I went through.

 

(trust me, it was alot.... the police knew us by first name by the time I left they had been to my house on a domestic dispute call so many times...)

 

it is going to be hard for you, and you are going to find yourself remembering nice things he did for you in an attempt to justify the abuse he's done to you, but I advise you each time you feel weak and feel like calling, come here instead, make a post and let someone talk you out of it, we're like your AA sponsors.... LOL!

 

Keep thinking about how it felt to be pushed down and hit.... awful as it is to keep thinking about it, it will help you stay strong, until you don't feel like calling anymore.

 

Did you cancel your trip?

 

Hope

[Hope75]

Alona...

 

Just wondering how you are doing...........??

[Hope75]

Hi Alona,

 

I tried to PM you with this several times and it did not go through, so here it is.....

 

I'm glad you are doing OK! I was concerned for you when we didn't hear from you,. glad it's because you are keeping so busy! It's important to stay distracted.

 

Don't worry about answering his call. We all slip sometimes, and the important thing is how you felt after you answered, which was disgusted and ready to hang up, you are starting to realize that his behaviour is unacceptable and you deserve to be treated better.

 

Bravo!!

 

Yes, please keep us posted, You can always PM me if you need, but do post for all to see as well because I know you have few members rooting for you besides me.

 

How are things going now?

 

Take Care,

 

Hope

[Hope75]

Alona...............

 

What's going on??

[grinand bearit]

Alona -

 

How are you? ??

I haven't been here for awhile but I have thought of you.

Let us know what's going on please...I hope you have been able to stay away and safe. Anytime you need support (and we all do), give us a shout.

]

Be well -

grin

[alona125]

Hey Everyone:

 

Thanks for the great support.

Well, for a while, I did give in and start to take his calls and see him, even after he threw me to the floor and raged that one incident.

 

He was a gentleman for a while, being so sweet, then, his anger came out again.

 

He is so so cruel. I don't know how a human being can be so verbally abusive! He called me every degrating name, when I tried to talk, he would say, "Shut up b***!"

 

He gave me such a hard time because I wouldn't finish my sentences, only because I was scared he would yell at me if I finished.

 

It became addicting. I would cry and plead, he would yell and berate me. It was AWFUL. He has major anger issues that are not just from me.

 

It has been two days since we have talked. As much as he has yelled and hurt me, I still miss him. Thats sad, I know, but its hard.

 

Anyways, just wanted to update everyone.

[Hope75]

Hey Alona,

 

Just wondering how things are going, keep us posted on how you are doing!

[grinand bearit]

Alona,

 

where are you, what's been going on? It's been awhile and I hope you are well and just busy with other things.

let us know...

Grin