stargazer25 Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Hello everyone! I will post later about my "situation"...but I was curious about this title, or idea about "seeing each other". What that means to me is that 2 people see each other...but can see other people...like casual dating. However, I find this idea a bit confusing. The way I have worked, and the way my friends have worked is that when you like someone, you like them...and you start dating, ie: boyfriend/girlfriend....or you don't want to date them, so you don't. Now, I am not suggesting that after one date you are now a "couple". However, the idea of "seeing someone" makes me think that one or the other person is looking for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal). Like they get to "date" you and a mess of other people without anything being "official". I can even understand wanting to get to know someone better before becoming a couple....however, doesn't that mean that 2 people should be making the effort to get to know someone better? Meaning asking questions, hanging out, and getting a real sense of things beforehand? Am I missing something here? I feel like people have invented this title in order to escape "commitment" (even at it's early stages)...or to allow people to date and have sex with others and not technically be cheating. Why play the game? I am curious about everyone's opinions. Thanks in advance! Link to comment
Mun Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 To me "seeing each other " means you are dating and getting to know each other. You have not met each others friends or family yet. You are at the beginning of the relationship. You still don't know where this will lead to... you're just basically dating and enjoying each other's company. Once you have " the talk" about being exclusive and all that, then I would say you are girlfriend/boyfriend. But I bet everyone has a different take on this. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 To me "seeing each other " means you are dating and getting to know each other. You have not met each others friends or family yet. You are at the beginning of the relationship. You still don't know where this will lead to... you're just basically dating and enjoying each other's company. Once you have " the talk" about being exclusive and all that, then I would say you are girlfriend/boyfriend. But I bet everyone has a different take on this. I agree with this... Link to comment
Goddess4ever Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Alright....I can see where the two of you are coming from, very good points! Exactly how are you supposed to have an "exclusive" talk? Link to comment
Mun Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 He will initiate "the talk" when the time is ready. When he doesn't want you to date anyone else and he doesn't want to date anyone else either. 8) Link to comment
-Perplexed- Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 Ok.. From a guy's perspective.... How do you initiate the exclusive talk? Link to comment
Ceema-k Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 Ok.. From a guy's perspective.... How do you initiate the exclusive talk? LOL.. well for me it happened by accident. I feel like I am setting a record for longest "seeing each other" phase in recent history (almost 4 months). Anyway, I was on the phone with her & I was going to give her some advice on job hunting and whatnot but had forgotten exactly what I was going to say. As I was fishing around for my thoughts, she said "you're going to ask me about getting serious, aren't you"? I said, no.. but now that you mentioned it, what DO you see me as?? She is well aware I am ready to 'get serious' (i.e. gf/bf labelling).. and seeing as we both get on so well and aren't dating other people, that is a logical next step for me that.. and sometime I feel is a bit overdue. We did end up having a good, honest conversation about what we expect from each other and how we view relationships. In the end, she still wasn't ready to "commit" and although I empathize with her reasons, I can't shake the sentiment brought up by Goddess4ever. That is, I have this worry in the back of my mind that she's just keeping me around until "someone better" shows up. Is there something she's not telling me? Perplexed >> If it wasn't for this accidental chat, I'm not sure how I would initiate it. I certainly would not try to iniitiate it. In fact, because she now knows that I am ready to get serious, I feel like she has more power now. Well, whenever you want something from someone else, they have the control of whether to give you what you want or withhold it. So it really is a tricky proposition. Link to comment
passions1 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 There has to be some terms of "seeing eachother " or being "exclusive" otherwise there would be potentially more confusion than ever before. "Seeing eachother" was perfectly described by the past messages. It would be silly to think that a person can judge immediately if they like him/her her off the bat & wish to see only that person only (but only in rare cases this happens), this is why "time" is what can determine eachother's compatibility. As for the exclusive talk, sometimes it's necessary & sometimes not. It depends on the maturity level of the other person & knowing how often & how much you see one another in the first place. If the s/he is talking to you or practically seeing you everyday, then very unlikely that the person is seeing anyone else, since every moment is practically spent on you. Then you "just know" that you're exclusive. Otherwise, there are some individuals who must be straightforward with the "talk" of exclusivity especially if there is the possiblity they may be seeing other people or lack dating experience or maturity. Since my brother always ask me for dating advice from a female's perspective: To get the exclusive talk can be done very cleverly! Simply ask the s/he for their opinions/views on some topic that is indirectly related to relationshis (right now hot topic of Jen/Brad Separation). Talk about their relationship/marriage, how they first met, etc. Eventually you can tie it into your own situation to figure out based from her/his opinion/view to see if you 2 have similar views. If you 2 have opposite views, then you will want to seriously rethink if you want to even want to be exclusive with them. Best wishes with your situation! Link to comment
youngin Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 woa, hold on! Guys are expected to initiate this??? O crap! First, were the ones expected to ask a girl out, not the other way around, and now this?! Link to comment
brimoody Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 I starting "seeing" my girl in November, and now we are official. It's a feeling out period that will allow both of you to get to know each other and see if anything might come out of it. It's nice because if it doesn't work out, just stop talking...... B Link to comment
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