I have just seperated from my husband

[Lisaann7898]

Hello everyone, I am new here, but I need help. I am really sad right now due to a recent seperation. I left my husband in October and moved 3 hours away. We were fighting constantly. The 1st time he hit me was one month after our daughter was born (shes 14 months old). After that I started hitting him when we fought with him calling me pysho and crazy b....and worse. Something snapped in me , and now I cant control my anger towards him. He had been driving down part of the week. Last week he met me to get gas, and I refused to look at him and barely said hello, this infuriated him and he said he was going back. i refused to fight with him, so he was leaving. I couldnt believe it. He had been telling me not to fight with him any more and now that I was, he took off even though he knew I had to b at work and our 2 kids with me(he was supposed to watch them). I felt like that was the last straw bc I had a job that I needed to protect and I couldnt just call in like he told me to. So now he has our baby and I have my 6 yr old. But I call today and our baby is with his ex(who has caused a lot of our problems). What to do? I asked him to please find someone else bc its inappropriate for her to be watching the baby, plus I miss her so much.

I feel so lost. I felt like hurting myself(I am ina deep depression and have attempted twice now in 4 years), but I'm trying to get my mind off this pain. Trying not to give in to it. Please help.

[melrich]

Do you have any access orders? What have the courts/system prescribed?

[Lisaann7898]

What do you mean?

[avman]

Hello Lisaann and welcome!

 

I know this is a really tough time for you. But I think you did the right thing in leaving your husband. If the two of you are being physically violent with each other then you should definitely not be together.

 

Richgabe is asking whether you have a visitation schedule that has been ordered by the court. These are temporary custody orders that are issued until the divorce is finalized. If you don't have these, I'd suggest going to court and getting them. This will obligate your husband to pay you child support and establish who has primary custody of the children (I'm assuming you want this to be you, although you can set up joint custody at this time).

 

I'm really concerned about your depression and suicidal thoughts. Separation and divorce is extremely stressful. So this is a very tough period in your life. I think you should look into a bit of counseling and see your doctor about the depression. This sounds more serious to me than just a sad mood. And I'd hate to see anything happen to you when you have the kids to worry about.

 

Hang in there. Its a tough road but we'll help you get through it.

[PrincessLinzay]

Hello Lisaann7898,

 

Im glad you were able to find us. Although I don't know exactly what you're going through with your husband, Im all too familiar with the feelings of depression. I suffered with it for 7 years before doctors were able to pinpoint a proper medication for me.

 

I definitely think you did the right thing by leaving your husband. Violence is never a good response to anger, especially when there are kids involved. I can also understand your frustration with having a problem-ex watching your baby. It's completely reasonable for you to ask that he not have her watch the baby.

 

I agree with RichGabe and Avman that you should start working on the custody issue right away. You want to make sure there are clear guidelines set forth with regards to the kids.

 

It's going to be a difficult process, but we're here for you, so keep posting, writing really is therapeutic!

[Lisaann7898]

Hi thank you for all your supportive thoughts!

I am feeling better today. I am seeing a psychologist and I am taking an antidepressant, at times though, they just dont seem to be working.

 

I don't want to completely give up, I love my husband so much! We both came from similar backgrounds, and it seems like we aree both acting like thin-skinned immature children. I know we both need intense psycotherapy, but don't know where to get it. All the counselors I go to, just kind of sit back, and don't really get in touch with what we are truelly needing.

 

We both had very dysfunctional households growing up with sexual and emotional abuse. I know he is a good person, and I can't stand the thought of raising another daughter without their father(especially since he is so good to her). So as you can see it's a little stressful, and I guess I need to do a whole lot more praying. I think we need more spirituality so we can get over our wounded children syndromes and start to heal. What do you think?

[confused74]

I would take him to court or maybe try win him back.