no sex after we reunited

[kamurj]

Hi,

 

Briefly: my wife had an affair and asked me to divorce her after 15 years and 3 kids. We were separated for 10 months and then she asked me to come home. I was thrilled! I had forgiven her right away and begged that we work it out and eventually we did.

 

Problem is that while I find her attractive in every way and our relationship is stronger than ever... it is very weak in one area... she does not want to have sex and says she is very confused. tells me that she isn't sure if she's going to have sex because she wants it or just because I want to. It sound ludicrous to me. If she wants to have sex (and she tells me she misses sex and enjoys sex with me) why would she be getting messed up worried that she's only doing it to please me?

 

I have asked her if it is partially a guilt thing or because she is heavier than she used to be and she's very upset about her weight and she says these too add to her discomfort with the whole idea.

 

It has been a year now and we are lucky if we have sex once a month. I can't live this way. What can I do?

[kamurj]

you need to buy some porn and a vibrating dildo for her.. dont even ask, just whip it out one day with some water-bases lube.

 

also, dont talk too much. just buy drinks and cook dinner and dish out vibrating dildo. your relationship will be back to normal in no time!

[andromeda]

1) The unregistered user needs to find a forum for his problems. A vibrator or dildo is not going to solve your problems.

 

2) Q--Why did you fall in love with your wife in the first place? Are those reasons sufficient enough to sustain this relationship, even though you love her with all your heart, or do you really need sex? If, for example, your wife were a paraplegic, would you still need sex from her? I cite this as an example because, quite frankly, your wife sounds like she is partially paralyzed. I don't know how recent this affair was, or how extensive it was, but it sounds like A) she is still suffering from guilt or B) she still has feelings for him. Either way, if indeed you want to "make a go of it", you need either individual therapy, couples therapy, or both. Because it sounds like there's still quite a bit of fallout. And you sound like you're the one who's--and I'm sorry to use this word, but I've been in this situation--desperate to make it work. That doesn't mean it can't work, but I don't get a feeling that your wife is trying very hard to FULLY reconcile.

You and/or she need therapy, a professional intermediary to aid you in gaining perspective on the problem. Good luck. I know it's hard. But whatever comes out of this will make you feel better, if not now, then in a little while.

 

[kamurj]

You might also benefit from a forum to help you wirh your magnanimous ego.

 

Who appointed you the authority to declare that the mention of porn and dildos is to be equated with having problems?

 

, I do have a problem: I can't stand egotistical platitude-spouting windbags like you.

[Desired1]

You guys have more problems than just sex

[Day_Walker]

There is a reason she asked you back, sex is usually a big indicator in the relationship if there are problems. You need to discover what these problems are.