towardfuture Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 After 34 days of NC, a few days over 2 months post BU, I think I've finally gone through 'the change'. Where I no longer want my ex back and I'm not fooling myself about it. Instead of "I could forgive her for cheating on me and leaving me", I'm more like "What a disrespectful woman to cheat on me and leave me instead of discussing our problems like an adult. How dare she" If she contacts me begging to reconcile I think my response would be either 'lol' or "All I ever want to hear from you again is an admission that you cheated, with how many partners, and when it first started." I haven't found a new girlfriend yet. But I've reached the point where I think the love has waned enough and the resentment has grown enough that the scales have legitimately flipped. I'm starting to feel really comfortable just hanging out by myself. Almost normal. And everyone I know says I seem happier than I've been in years. Link to comment
BoredUp Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 That's great! I hope I can get to your point. I'm terrified of being alone. I'm on day 2 of no contact. Day 1 was definitely much easier. Good luck Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I know the feeling...my ex did not physically cheat but he sure was suffering from ,, the grass is greener on the other side "syndrome besides other syndromes.three days after we started dating he demanded that I should change my online dating status on the website where we initially met to ,,dating or relationship status" so the guys won't hit on me.i was blinded by his powerful feellings so I did change it , therefore I was inactive on the online field.turns around four month down on the line he admits that he is still active and searching,,friendships""...and his status was not , in relationship " it was ,, it's complicated " ...boy ,I deleted my profile that day,but I should have dumped him back than ...I dodged the whole battlefield .We live and learn that people do not change .He has lost my trust. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Just out of interest, did the "change" happen as a gradual process or did you just woke up one day feeling that you are finally over her? Link to comment
invisibleheart Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Congratulation on this, and I hope it will continue on. Hopefully I get to this stage, well at some point seemingly I did but tough days and memories put me back... But yeah... I keep on. I read almost every advice that NC really in long run give good result such as this. Link to comment
sky09 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Just out of interest, did the "change" happen as a gradual process or did you just woke up one day feeling that you are finally over her? You've been on here long enough to know that nothing happens overnight. TF, you are most likely still in the anger phase of your grief. That's good, not many left after that one Don't be surprised if you find yourself randomly sad one day. These emotions come in bouts. Link to comment
towardfuture Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Don't know. Have been feeling this way more and more slowly over time. Thinking this way actually has me at this other toxic thought of "Maybe I'm ready to send a note saying 'Sorry for begging at the end there. Looked weak. Not who I am today. Everyone says I haven't seemed this happy in years." But that thought is quickly followed up with "I'M sorry? SHE should be sorry." Which is then followed up by "Maybe I should be the bigger person." Which is then followed up by "This is confusing I'm just going to do nothing." I wouldn't say I'm OVER it because I'm still thinking about it. But I definitely would say I feel very differently about the whole thing. Maybe at the moment I wish she would confess to the cheating so that we could 'bury the hatchet' and leave this whole thing with a lot less resentment. Link to comment
pourmeadrink Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Congradulations! Stay strong. Last time when I finally recovered from BU, it was as if someone flipped the switch. I was suffering for many months and then one day I woke up a completely different person. It felt like being in a very hot and humid room for a really long time and then somebody opens the window. Liberating. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 You've been on here long enough to know that nothing happens overnight. Well sometimes it does for me. The idea of being over the relationship would just pop up in my mind. I would accept it and not think about my Ex, but that doesn't last long. Its usually 5-7 days before falling back to being miserable and wanting her back again. Link to comment
sky09 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Well sometimes it does for me. The idea of being over the relationship would just pop up in my mind. I would accept it and not think about my Ex, but that doesn't last long. Its usually 5-7 days before falling back to being miserable and wanting her back again. Been there done that. Still get bouts of sadness. We've been together 5 years, though, and I'm not expecting miracles here. Tough it out, man. There's plenty of good advice on here. Link to comment
towardfuture Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Yep, definitely went through the change. Feel strong. Want to text her "Good riddance you lying cheating street ." This is the hardest text to resist sending in months. But I'd rather just lay low. Eventually she'll figure out that I've flipped the switch. Or not. Whatever. That's very different from "I want you back!!! I've changed!!" I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm having new experiences for the first time in a long time. Feel like me again. Link to comment
towardfuture Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 Hurting today. Don't want her back. Don't trust her or love her. Don't want her to contact me. Happy with myself. Just...... hurting. Meh Link to comment
towardfuture Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Miss her badly. I have to remind myself that she abandoned me, she didn't love me. But I was such a screw-up, who can blame her? I guess....... me. Instead of communicating her issues with me she just formed an escape plan and escaped me. I feel stupid for missing her. But I really do miss her. Not that I think we're compatible or that the split hasn't been a good thing for me overall. But still. I can never have her back. She's probably with someone else. My life feels really...... empty today. Spending the day printing out resumes and cover letters, going to go on a physical tour of the places I'm trying to work. Maybe when they feel my personal energy they'll be more likely to give me a shot. Every time I get rejected from a job I feel like I even further lose a chance to get my ex back (in my brain I know this is completely irrational, but getting a rejection letter almost feels exactly like getting ignored before I went NC felt like) My therapist says even though my evidence for a exit affair sounds pretty suspicious and the dots can easily connect to that conclusion I should not 'decide' I'm right and move forward thinking that I really don't know. Link to comment
sky09 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Make sure your resume is top-notch. I'd invest into a professional resume editor (google some feedback). Link to comment
towardfuture Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Make sure your resume is top-notch. I'd invest into a professional resume editor (google some feedback). That's a good idea. Apropos to this conversation, I feel like if I can't get a job in a short amount of time, I won't REALLY have achieved the 2.0 me. And for some reason I still feel like if I could just get a job I could have a chance to get her back. Stupid right? I don't even want her back. Because the girl I loved doesn't even really exist any more. Link to comment
sky09 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Be proactive as far as that job search goes. Make sure you are on linked in. You could make some contacts that way, depending on your industry. Focus strictly on yourself and your goals. Link to comment
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