I feel lost without Him

im2cute4u · August 24, 2002

Hi, this is my first time ever posting in a forum. But I am desperate. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. We met on mere coincedence and never would of thought we would make it this long. But we fell madly in love with each other and here we are. The only thing is, he just left for college yesterday and I am a total mess without him. I am a home-schooled student in my senior year of high school and won't be graduating until the end of this year. Since I didn't go to traditional high school I had no other friends but him. We were extremly close and now I feel lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I have been crying for the last two days. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't think I can make it without him near me. He was my support; my everything. It was as if he was my skeleton and without him a am just a puddle of emotions. He is constantly on my mind. Everywhere I go it reminds me of him; of us. I feel like I can't escape these emotions. I want to know will these feelings ever go away. Will I ever be able to cope with him being so far from me? I need to know. I am lost without him.

cheer4bama · August 27, 2002

Alana,

I know exactly what you're going through. My boyfriend of 2 years just left for a new job 14 hours away.

The difference is:

YOU ARE YOUNG!! You have your whole life ahead of you. He is still your boyfriend, but you are just apart.

My best friend and he boyfriend dated for 5 years and then he went off to college for 4 years. She said it was very hard, but it didn't take her long to get over the feelings of hurt and loss with time. Also, when he DID come back, she had already met someone else and they broke up for 2 years. They are NOW married because they can handle a serious adult relationship. They were too young back then to make a serious committment to each other. I understand that you are home-schooled but there are other placed to meet people...

You are very very young. I'm 37 and lost my boyfriend but I dont have the time that you do!!! Girl, it may take time to mourn a bit, but you still have him in your life. If it's meant to be, it will be. Take time for yourself, keep yourself busy and things will come together. I promise!!!! I've been through it more then once!!!! You'll be ok!!!

ldg917 · January 7, 2003

omg i know exactly what u mean. my bf went into the military and i saw him for the first time in 3 months 2 weeks ago and now that hes gone again i am really sad. hes been gone 3 days and i cried every night so far b/c i know it will be a while before i can see him again and i just miss him so much. i also do not want to do anything. i can talk to a few of my friends about it but it doesnt really help. i know ur looking for adivce but i dont know what to tell u b/c i dont know what to do for myself. maybe we'll figure it out eventually but all i can say is just try to make the best of it which is damn near impossible. try to meet new ppl, maybe they can relate.

emmorey · April 28, 2003

Hey sweetie

Sounds like a real tough time for you. But take comfort in the fact that you will get through this, no matter how it feels right now.

I've just finished my first year of uni 200 miles away from my boyfriend. At the time I thought 'I can't cope without him'. I spent a fortune in rail tickets to see him. I didn't throw myself into uni life or my work because of him. I focussed on him because the real world seemed too scary, I didn't know anyone so I spent all my energy obsessing and thinking about him. When we did met up we argued because we changed as people. We just broke up a month ago, but this wasn't because of the distance. We were only together for 6 months before I left.

It is impossible to predict whether you guys will stay together. you must be prepared for the fact you won't. but, at the same time, two of my 6 flatmates stayed with their boyfriends of 2 years throughout uni, because they had strong relationships that were meant to last.

the most important thing you can do is to create a life apart from him. It is so dangerous to focus your whole life around this guy, because if the worst happens, you will have a hole in your life so huge. You need to get out there, join some clubs, meet some new people, make a support network of friends. If you do nothing except obsess over this guy, you will end up magnifying your feelings for him and putting him on a pedestal. it is natural to miss him, and you will feel sad at first. But you will make it!

Here are some tips to help you cope:

1) Join clubs, go to new places, meet new people. You must have other people in your life apart from him.

2) If he was the focus of your enture life you are bound to miss him a whole heap. Try and put things in perspective. You coped without him before you met him. You can cope without him now, and enjoy the times together even more when you meet up with each other again.

3) If he makes new friends and has fun, which he is bound to, you will feel even worse if you haven't made any new friends or had any fun. He will feel bad for the way you feel. The best way is to let him know you miss him, but you are surviving. It is too much pressure on one person for them to be the sole good thing in your life. No-one can live up to that pressure.

4) If these depressive feelings continue for weeks, that you don't want to do anything, you should think about seeing your doctor, because you may be suffering with depression. But try herbal remedies to help first, like Valerian (this also helps you sleep), or St John's Wort (if you aren't on the pill).

5) You can and will make it without him by your side! I know it doesn't feel like that right now, but it will get easier! Have faith in yourself, and learn to get by without him. then, when you see him, you two with both have something to enrich your relationship; outside interests apart form each other. This will strengthen your relationship.

6) Try writing down how you feel, or writing a letter to him (whether you send it or not is up to you). The process of writing things down will really help you come to terms with your emotions and help you get things out in the open.

7) These feelings will go away in time, time is a great healer. You may feel lost right now, but it will get easier.

I hope this helps. I've been there too. Whatever happens, don't waste a year of your life pining over someone and not enjoying yourself. Just appreciate the times you've had, and will continue to have, together.

Let me know how you get on. You will be okay!

em

emmorey · April 28, 2003