CLOSENESS- can we work on this??

[cooldude1234]

agh... same old problem. My girlfriend is having major hangups on being close to me, closer than a friend. She claims to want to be more affectonate both physically and emotionally. I'm her first boyfriend, and I have plenty of experience. She is rarely open with me, and I always have to talk to her about problems before she says ANYTHING (about our relationship.) This also applies to physical affection. She rarely reciprocates, which isnt as huge of a deal, but it would be nice.

 

She wants to work on this and so do I, but this is tearing me to shreds, and I can only take this for a little longer before I need to break up with her.

 

How can I/she do to work on this?? Is it even possible to work on this??

[qt]

give her a bit of time first. try to rememebr what it was like with your first gf. im guessing she knows uv had quite a bit of experience so maybe shes a bit weary of making the first move because she feels as tho she is going to do something wrong.

try and reasure her that you know that you are her first bf and that you dnt compare her to previous ones and try and talk to her to make her feeel relaxed around you. give her a bit of time.

i remember i was somewhat reluctant to make the first move with my first bf, because i didnt want to do anything wrong but now iv got the confidence, if i want something, it gunna happen

 

qt xxx

[cooldude1234]

yeah, i see what you're saying, but its hard for me to relate because i never really had that problem

[OceanEyes]

She doesn't feel totally comfortable confiding in you, or coming to you with her problems just yet. How old are you two and how long have you been dating?

 

Trust plays a big role in being able to open yourself up to someone else. If you're saying that she's having problems opening up to you, then I see one of a few things being a possibility:

 

1) She doesn't trust you in that way. She may not be sure that you want her to open up, or to initiate physical closeness. Remember: you know how men are sort of chastised for being "wimps" or too overly-expressive with their emotions? Women are sometimes made to feel like men don't like hearing that 'crap' either. She could be afriad of coming accross as needy/ sensitive/ desperate.

 

2) She's been brought up in a conservative home where most things have been repressed; feelings, affection, etc. If this is the case, she may never be really affectionate and open with you because it doesn't feel right for her to be that way. I know girls that have been brought up in very strict, unaffectionate homes, and even after years of being in relationships they are still not the types to initiate affection/ discussions.

 

3) She's extremely shy and doesn't feel comfortable enough with you just yet. She may need time and patience to be able to totally open herself up to you.

[cooldude1234]

man! that sucks

 

shes definitely 2 and partially 3. I guess i'll just have to hope that shes more shy than anything and that it'll wear off after a while...

 

btw: were both 19 (roughly) and have been going out for almost 2 months, however, we have known eachother and been good friends for almost a year.