Weird problem to have? Anyone else have it?

[Sapphirelady]

I have the problem of an ex just up and leaving after 3 years with no warning. He told vicious lies and spread horrible rumors after the break up that cost me all of our mutual friends. They all believed him and did not support me. I begged him back for the first 3 months after our break up and he would brush me off. But during that time he would also maliciously continue to try to hurt my feelings with manipulitive and misleading behavior ie: calling me at 12 am to "just say hi" while he was at a bar or club, and then while I was crying in one of his ears he would talk and laugh to everyone around him except me and then abruptly cut me off and say he had to go. Finally I told him I hated him and never wanted to hear from him again. I knew I wasn't over him but I couldn't take being treated that way anymore. I played no more games with him and after 2 months of him calling every once in a while and me ignoring every one of his calls he stopped all together. He then decided he still wanted to hang out with my aunt and uncle whom I am very close to and who we saw quite often when we were together. I asked him NOT to do it and of course he ignored my pleas. My aunt and uncle told him it was fine if he came over they would just tell him not to when I was there. Feeling betrayed that they'd welcome him at all when they were aware of the way he hurt me I told my aunt and uncle that as long as they talked to him I wouldn't talk to them. And I stopped talking to my aunt and uncle for about a year. During that year my ex started getting too busy with a new girlfriend to hang out or talk to my aunt and uncle so he started ignoring them. My aunt calls telling me that they haven't heard from my ex in a very long time and they'd rather have me in their lives than him. So I think it is safe to come around with my new boyfriend and I do. About 6 months after I began talking to my aunt and uncle again somehow or another my ex just happens to call them out of the blue and says he and his girlfriend are moving to Maryland so he can be in the secret service and he also has a new daughter he'd like to bring over to their house to visit and to say goodbye. My aunt and uncle say "ok, come on over." I feel betrayed again and this time I stay away for about 2 years before my aunt finds out I am getting married and contacts me saying she wants to go to my wedding. She says they never ever talk to my ex since he moved and they won't ever again. I say ok and invite them to my wedding and then I start bringing my new daughter over to visit them. My aunt and uncle tell me if my ex tries to come back into the picture they will tell him to go away, they want me in their life not my ex. About another year after my daughter's birth my ex happens to call my aunt and uncle AGAIN out of the blue and this time my ex invites them to his wedding and says he wants to stop over their house when he visits his home state. My aunt and uncle say ok and tell me they are going to the wedding! I had had it! So now I have alienated myself from my aunt and uncle permanently and it hurts very much because I miss them terribly. I can't get over how my aunt and uncle lied to me each time I gave them another chance, how I fell for it and believed their lies and how if this ex hadn't even insisted on seeing them I wouldn't have these problems. This ex and I do not have any children TOGETHER so in my opinion I don't think he has ever been really interested in visiting in my aunt and uncle I think it's just another game for my ex to play while indirectly getting information about me in casual conversation and for him to further make cause a rift between me and my relatives. Most people that I know of have ex's with the decency to leave AND leave them and their family alone if there are no children involved. I have told this particular dilemma to a few people and a couple have accused me of being narcissistic and petty. Well of course I have talked about how this affects me and MY feelings since I'm the one FEELING them. No one is paying attention to my ex's motives and why he might feel this need to stay in contact with an ex's family when he is married to someone else with a child. They are only thinking something is wrong if it's bothering ME. I'm not trying to be narcissistic.

[GettingOverIt]

It seems like this guy (your ex) does want to maintain some kind of foot in your world. If he was doing this directly, I'd get a restraining order on him. As it is, it sounds like he knows it rubs you raw and it is doing just that. I cannot imagine why your aunt and uncle maintain contact, knowing what it does to you. I am very sorry they are behaving this way.

 

I do not understand why people would say YOU are being petty over this. If my ex were to try this kind of thing, I'd be upset and ticked off... I wish I had some advice. Just know that my heart goes out to you.

[Hurting in Manitoba]

This sort of thing happened to me. My x and I separated after 4.5 yrs.

 

We were apart for 4 months and I seen my aunt and she told me she had seen my x with some girl she also said he went over to hang

 

out with my aunt and her b/f ( alone). i was like W.T.F why are u letting him come

over when u know dam well how I still feel about him. I felt really betrayed. Anyway she was like oh he called me and was asking about u.

 

well I guess she was playing cupid to get us back together and it all worked out.

 

Sounds like your x is keeping tabs.

[Iceman26]

Family is supposed to stick by your side, period. Your aunt and uncle blatantly ignored your stress and hurting time and time again, and if I were you I would cut them out of my life for good. They obviously dont care.

 

They had their chance to behave like family, which means always supporting you over anyone you date, and they didnt.

 

The people you talk to about it that call you petty are fools, and I wouldnt discuss any more problems with them if I were you. Family comes first, always!