Saw the ex today and got closure.

[Rysen]

Well folks, for those of you who have followed my story, I finally saw the ex today for the first time in almost 5 months.

 

I finally heard back from her today after recieving an e-mail on Christmas Day asking if I wanted to get together. It turns out her boyfriend was over visiting from where she now goes to school, and since he doesn't know anyone over here (and she didn't want to bring him along to seeing me) she couldn't do anything until today. He's still here, but she heads back to school with him tomorrow and really wanted to see me so we met up at a coffee shop that's between where her and I live, right before dinner.

 

The coffee shop was closed, so we ended up just sitting in her car and talking. She said that we could go back to her place if I wanted, but that she didn't think I would want to (because of her boyfriend) which I jokingly said "No. And still no." She laughed at that, and I really didn't feel that I showed a weakness. I just don't want to meet my "replacement", and I think she understands that.

 

She gave me a big hug when she saw me, and it was really great to see her. But as I said before I went in with 0 expectations and you know what? I felt nothing. When I saw her....she was just another girl. It was like I didn't care that it was the first time I was going to see her in 5

months.

 

We only talked for about half an hour, as I had to go and, the nice guy that I am, felt bad for making her boyfriend hang out with her parents for awhile. I love her parents to death, but her Mom can get really annoying after awhile. ^_^ haha. In any event, nothing about "us" came up, just what we had been up to these past months and what our plans were for the next year. I hugged her good-bye, told her it was really great to see her again, walked away and didn't turn back. I didn't need to....for whatever reason this meeting has given me what I needed to completely heal and move on. For the first time since we broke up 9 months ago...I didn't want her back. When I thought about us, I understood why it would have never worked, and I think about the life I lead today and how much I changed to try and be the person I thought she wanted me to be (not that she ever asked; I was alway too eager to please), and how unhappy I inevitably would have become.

 

I'm myself today, and I'm learning a lot more as each day goes by. This meeting showed me that she wasn't the "one", but a damn good experience, and memories that I will cherrish for the rest of my life.

 

I got closure from this meeting, and it feels really good.

Although I know I still love her deep-down, and that there will always be a special place in my heart for her....I know our paths have taken off in different directions, and instead of hopeing for the past to come together, I'm looking forward to the future.

 

A big *thank-you* goes out to all those who helped me since the very beginning on these boards. I don't know how I would've gotton through this without the guidance, advice and support of this community. You are all amazingly wonderful people who deserve nothing but the best.

 

And to all those who are going through these terrible times: Keep your head up. I promise you, you will come out on top and find happiness again. I never thought I would see the day where I wouldn't want my ex back, where it wouldn't hurt every time we hung out, but it's happened, and I couldn't be happier.

 

I wish you all the best in 2005!

Cheers,

Rysen

[omegaT]

Wow that almost makes me to to let go and move on. These boards are covered with depressing stories maybe it would be good if more people posted up their positive outcomes like this one. Kudos to you!

[shabazz]

while i have not been given the chance to follow your story, yet, i have, however, been amazed at how you have received your closer. I hope that whenever the time is right for me that I will receive the closer that I need from my last relationship as well. I hope things go well and I know that you will find someone wonderful out there for you that will love you just as much as you them or even more!! Good luck and best wishes!!

[Rysen]

I didn't realise people had replied! My apologies for not responding sooner.

 

Yes, I no longer pine or think that she is the only girl I'll ever love. It's a good feeling to have, that's for sure but it took a really long time to get there....9 months to be exact.

 

Anyway, the thing that helped me was just to live my life. I'm a musician and I used to be in bands all the time. I stopped performing music live for awhile, and when her and I were together I spent more time focusing on the things that I *thought* she wanted me to be doing. She never asked me to change or anything, I just always wanted to be a good boyfriend and want her to think highly of me, despite the fact that it was the way I was *before* that she fell in love with. In any event, I lost myself, at least I felt I did, and after a few months of being single I kind of rediscovered things about myself and consequently found happiness again without her.

 

So I think all that worked, my confidence built-up, I kind of started seeing someone new and have been approached by a couple of others, and though none have worked out yet, it's made me feel better about myself and that helps a lot. So after all that time of losing my insecurity, when I finally saw my ex I was *myself* again, and the fact that seeing her felt like I was just catching up with an old friend...well that was kind of the icing on the cake.

 

Anyway, my advice is to just live your life. If they come back, hey wonderful, if not, honestly, it's there loss. I think it says something when someone will put their thoughts, feelings and problems into the hands of complete strangers....I think people would be so lucky to have those that cared about them the way we do about our exes. But you know, some times it's just not meant to be and as shabazz said...there's so many people out there that we haven't even met that could very well be perfect for us. We just have to be patient and wait for that day, while focusing on the goals we've laid before ourselves, continuing to improve ourselves, and learn from the mistakes we've made in the past.

 

Cheers,

Rysen

[TrueHeart]

Thats so great. Sometimes, its hard to believe that patience will eventually pay off, I'm happy for you. I recently got some closure myself, and it feels great! You'll always have a special place in your heart for anyone you give your heart to-- and you to them. Sometimes, it takes a while to convert those feelings into memories.. and thats the hardest transition.. Congrats on crossing the proverbial "finish line"!