no freinds b/c i am useless-from a member from another forum

[joe45]

how many friends do u guys have-i am talking about friends- ppl u hang out with-movies, dinner, shopping , talk about personal stuff about-not aquitances.

 

how many friends does the average male in his mid 20's have-and where did u guys meet em from and how did u get em to hang out with u to go to-movies, chopping, dinner, activites........etc are there any female in ur group of friends and how did they end up being in the group.

 

the post below is from somebody from another forum which i posts the same thing- are friends really like this

 

" - they are only interested in what you can do for them. Don't you ever forget that.

 

If you don't have any friends, it simply means that you are useless. You add no value - you're deadweight. The solution is to find your niche. Not everyone can be good-looking and successful, but perhaps you could be the designated driver, the emotional tampon, the loser of the group that everyone clowns on etc. Seeing that you're in your mid-20s, guys your age only hang out with each other when they don't have a girl or they're taking a night-off from their SO's. Once people get married and start having kids, the husband's friends are dead last on the priority list (be sure that your buddies will spend a lot of time at their in-laws or get-togethers with their wife's friends).

 

Don't even think about friends now. Once you finish school, you will only make acquaintances that come and go throughout your life. Your true friends are the ones you made in your childhood when there were no agendas. This is totally different than an acquaintance, as an acquaintance is someone you know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to.

 

I know this is New Year's Eve and you're all depressed since you're all alone, but don't kill yourself! Just focus on making money, traveling and picking up. The time for making new friends has passed you by - you have now entered a new phase in life. You're like a kid who grew up without a nice bicycle – getting one in adulthood won't make up for it. Focus on getting a nice car instead. Good luck!""

[OceanEyes]

Although I can see some of the points, I find this viewpoint very pessimistic and somewhat generalized.

 

If you don't have any friends, it simply means that you are useless. You add no value - you're deadweight.

 

If you can find some way to explain why on earth anyone would assume that, just because a person does not have many friends, that they are useless. I don't have heaps of friends because I live in a strange city, but I still have plenty of family and friends back home. Does that make me useless?

 

I wouldn't want to depend on others to make me feel like a 'valuable' person. My life is what I make it; most of my girlfriends have gone their own ways since high school, some engaged, some have had babies already, etc. It doesn't mean that they've cut me off completely, but we all make choices in life and have priorities that take up a lot of their time/ energy.

[CarterJonas]

I posted something similar before (another topic) but I agree with Oceaneyes.

 

I believe that we will go through many set of friends in life. Yes the most friends we have might be at school....and so on, but it is not impossible or too late to make new friends.

 

The post is right when it says

Seeing that you're in your mid-20s, guys your age only hang out with each other when they don't have a girl or they're taking a night-off from their SO's. Once people get married and start having kids, the husband's friends are dead last on the priority list (be sure that your buddies will spend a lot of time at their in-laws or get-togethers with their wife's friends).

. There is nothing wrong in this except that these guys have a new priority in their life now...that is their new girlfriend or even a baby as well.

 

Because you have few friends at the moment doesn't make you any worse a person, remember that circumstances change for a lot of people and that a person is what they make of themselves.

[shes2smart]

"Focus on getting a nice car instead"? Please.

 

This is a rather negative, jaded view of the world. The good news is that it is not the view you have to adopt for yourself.

 

Throughout your life you will have different levels of friendships. When we're younger (children/teens/college age) we tend to throw all we are into those relationships....and we wind up getting hurt....and we learn things like not all people are trustworthy, and not all people have the same definition of friendship as we do. If we're lucky, we also learn that people can be more caring than we are, and more generous of spirit than we are...if we're smart, we learn from them.

 

The nature/depth of the friendships I have has changed as I've gotten older, but that doesn't make them (or me) any less valuable. We ALL have value as individual human beings just because we ARE....that has nothing to do with what we have or who we know, and that intrinsic value cannot be lessened, although we may choose not to see it at times.

 

It's not a matter of those people who have more friends are somehow more valuable than those who have fewer friends. I can count on one hand the number of real friends I have....one I met in 7th grade, one in college, one in my early 20's, and one I met in 2001 and married him in 2002. Other than my husband, none of them live in the same city I do anymore.

 

If you want to have more friends, then the only thing I can tell you is you need to BE the kind of friend you would like to have. That means being genuinely interested in other people, being kind, treating them with respect, keeping your word and so on. And you must remember to be a friend to yourself -- that means not allowing others to treat you badly or use you. Anyone who would do those things is not your friend anyway.

 

It really sounds like whoever wrote that post originally got badly burned by false friends and figured the way to avoid that happening again was to figure EVERYONE wanted something from him (her?).

 

There are some people in the world who will be interested only in what they can get from you or what you can do for them. Not everyone is like that. If you want to experience the good in people, then you have to first be able to see the good in people, and that means taking a more positive view of others....including yourself.

[OceanEyes]

I actually re-read the original post, and the more I think about it, the more it seems like something that my 17 year old cousin would say. I can just see him having this negative view, and having unrealistic expectations that friendships stay the same throughout the years. They really don't unless you have little to no responsibilities, or never actually want kids. You can just tell that it was written by someone with a very limited amount of life experience.

[joe45]

the post below is from another member from another forum what do u guys think of friends being useless and all

 

 

quote am guessing the same thing applies for making or having a gf too right and dating right. she gonna use u and see if u can do anything for her.

 

Yes, but it works both ways. Aren't you using her for sex, companionship etc? Go back to your original post. Tell your next girlfriend (seeing that you're in your mid-20s) that you have no intention of marrying her at all. All you want to do is go out for dinner, movies, shopping etc. She'll drop you faster than a hot potato.

 

When you're a kid, your parents are paying for everything so there are no worries. The only problem you have is thinking how to entertain yourself, so that's where you meet most of your true friends. These are people you got drunk with for the first time etc – you shared lots of milestones with them, they never ratted you out etc. Even at work, most friendships are only so deep as your co-workers would turn against you at the drop of a hat if it meant keeping their job. Once you switch jobs (or they switch), you lose contact with them pretty quickly (within 2 years, max). As Q Eye said before, this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life so just focus on making money, traveling, hobbies etc. If you meet some friends or a girl, great! If not, don't worry too much about it.

[SaSaRai]

well i understand it to a point, really i mean.... you will make friends all throughout your life, but they wont be nothing like the ones you had while you were a kid, because life changes and you have more responsibilities. And i know from lots of experience that people do use you, theres not doubt about that, and as soon as they cant use you anymore they are gone, but that doenst make you useless.

 

After highschool.... yeah your friends are gone, thye move on in life and go suck the blood out of other people, there are just people who are like that. I totaly understand what they are saying, so I say the H3ll with them! Just live your life for yourself and if you run accross a couple of good friends then hang on to them!

 

Hope you guys understand me.

[SaSaRai]

oh, and as for girlfriends .... thats not all true, like isaid, its true for some people but thats just the down point of view. Its all about finding the right people. The journey is difficult.

[joe45]

it seems myself i am alwayys the intiator and the guy that has to put out the most effort in making a conversation and makling friends, - i am the one e mailing em, i am the one phoning em, i am the one starting converstions, ....

and most of the ppl seem to be not really putting much effort into it like they don't twant to be my friend,but myself i am puttin in a good amount of effort

 

any suggestions

[SkyFire]

If you don't have any friends, it simply means that you are useless. You add no value - you're deadweight.

 

Never listen to people like this. Ever.

 

This guy has no damn clue about what he's talking about (I am referring to the poster of the quote, not to joe45). He judges a person on how many friends they have.. that is pathetic.

 

There is always time to make friends. I have went from being almost friendless at 14-15, to having many friends and some very close friends at 16.

 

 

As for the original poster.. please do yourself a favor and reject that post from your head.

[SaSaRai]

those people that you call you friends, how do you know that thye really are? Really, i mean people are so deceitful and you can go a long time and never realize it. I had this best friend for 3 years and never even realized all the things he had done to me - every time i meet someone new they are always good in the start, but if you REALLY REALLY get to know them, then you find that they are just like anyone else. But if you keep all of your friends at a certain distance, then they are ok.... but then you are just leftout... and come on, dont you want a CLOSE friend?

[joe45]

i agree with SaSaRai at the beginning ppl are all good and when u now em more and more some ppl u think are ur friends would even leak info about u that u told em that was a secret-stabbing u behind ur back. thats why u gotta be careful and all and sometimes i lie and make stories up just for the fun of it and to make myself look good and also to make conversations. for example i drive a interrgra and its all modified. i have like 2 gfs and i am dating another one. ........

 

what do u mean by deceitful and what did thhis friend do to u

[SkyFire]

That is why you wait for someone to prove their worth as a friend before you can trust them. Only then can you trust them.

 

3 of my closest friends (a chick and two guys) I trust completely. They have proven themselves worthy, and so have I.

 

What Im saying is that you cant trust anyone until you can see their true character.