Is she "playing games"?

[GiantDwarf]

Hello, first of all, let me say that I didn't know whether to post this on the Breaking Up subforum or here, since we are supposedly, kind of not broken up.

Well, the little story.

I met this girl in a coffee shop, she works there as a waitress. I got the courage to talk to her and everything went really nice... within a week of having done that we were already dating, can you imagine that? It was all really surprising. I wasn't really expecting a relationship, since I was going to college and I thought I'd better meet someone there... (I had already taken a gap year). She goes to college in two years... she's a year younger than me, but she had issues in her life and lost some time; she should have finished it by now...

 

Anyway, in the days nearing the end of the break and the start of college, I started getting a bit distant and grumpy, because honestly it worried me a lot about what would happen with us, my life, etc... I told her that, and she understood, or at least it seemed like so. Still, I never gave up on the relationship, and I saw it plausible to continue, because my college is just one hour away... and I wanted to continue. I still showed that I care, at least from my own perspective, and I did care, a lot.

 

So, one day she tells me out of the blue that she's giving up, and that she was an idea... basically she told me we should wait a bit before continuing and that she'd "wait for me". We cried a lot, hugged a lot, and I agreed because I didnt want to say no and lose her... she said she loved me multiples times... I didnt quite understand, but I was optimistic... and then, I noticed that she was talking to other guy and they had a photo of them, taken in days when we were still together! She never told me they had gone out... nothing. It said stuff like: "I like us"...

 

I confronted her about it, and she admitted that they like each other, but that she has no intention of dating him, because of me, and because she feels not ready. They keep posting stuff like that to each other and it drives me crazy that she says he's irrelevant to this all. The other day she made me feel like it was all my fault, for being "distant" and said a lot of things that made me feel guilty. I just dont know what to feel...

 

Now she told me it's going to be two years before we can get together, when she also goes to college, and that its her dream to be with me.

She gets mad if I dont talk to her during the day, she gets mad if I hang out with girls at college, but she hangs out with him.... she says shes very afraid to lose me, and that i'd find someone else, but she has him... she says im still her boyfriend, but has this kind of communication with him... She doesnt want to get back, and says its complicated, and I've tried to see her in person, but she always cancels.

 

I cant confront her anymore, it leads nowhere... she just gets mad and says that I dont trust her, and lies to me...

She says things in such a way that it makes it seem like she still cares a lot about me, and she say she loves me and that I should trust her, and that all she wants is to be with me in the future..

I really feel like she's the love of my life, ever since the first day I met her. And it drives me crazy that I will have to wait that long, and that her actions sometimes oppose her words. This is really confusing, and it's starting to make me feel depressed on a daily basis.

 

I hope this isn't too long. I'd really appreciate your opinions.... thank you.

[lifeiscash]

Well, to answer your situation. Yes, she is playing games with you. First, she is dating two guys at once, leading you on, and playing with your feelings (to her own benefit) because she knows that you are always available. She is taking you for granted.

 

Honestly answer this next question carefully. Seriously, take a deep breath, pause and then answer this question.... Ready? okay, now..

 

Do you actually believe, that your love of your life, would want you to feel depressed on a daily basis? Would the "love of your life" act in ways that hurt you?

 

OF COURSE NOT, B/C SHE IS NOT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

 

It doesn't sound much like love to me. It sounds like a hurt ego, your pride. I'm not saying you didn't care for her, or even love her. I'm just saying, the feeling is not being reciprocated. It's all take and no give.

 

I will give you one sound advice, you should ALWAYS remember with women. Don't listen to what she tells you, judge her on what she SHOWS you. Her actions say it all. She might say anything in the world to keep you around, but does she CONSISTENTLY acts like it? If the answer is no, ditch her and find another. Shouldn't be to hard, what better place to meet women than at college