guilt in ur heart?

[Prosper]

There is much clarification i wan to make here, esp to those who had cheated their partners..

 

To cure one's from guilty is not by compensating the injured party by being nice.

U should be nice enough to the injured party, as he/she wans very much to be healed from the hurt.

 

Hope u all can ponder abt this. Thanks.

[ShySoul]

Guilt is about forgiveness. It is recognizing that you made a mistake and acknowledging it. It is seeking forgiveness from those you have hurt. And it is also about forgiving yourself. Yes, you did something wrong, something you regret and wish you could take back. But you can't take it back. You have to learn from your actions, know not to do it in the future, and move on. There is no point in beating yourself up over what is already done. In the meantime you are missing out on new experiences and opportunites.

[Bibora]

What if the injured part doesn't accept that you are trully sorry and that you wished that what you have done didn't ever happened? What are you suppose to? Just move on or be there beating yourself because of it?

[ShySoul]

If the injured party doesn't believe you than that's not your fault. You tried to apologize and made the effort to make amends. Show them by your words and actions. If they still don't believe than don't let it get to you. They are they ones who are now making the mistake by not accepting the apology. Let them know you really are sorry and them move on. No reason you should have to suffer any more than you already have. That's why it's important to forgive yourself.

[Breea]

I must say that forgiving myself has always been hard for me. I struggle on a daily basis to try to fogive myself for past mistakes. Guilt has been a part of my life I try very hard to overcome.

 

My question to everyone is: How do you learn to forgive yourself? and let go of feeling guilty over things in your past? I make a conscious effort to realize that I am my own worst critic and am unrealistic about my mistakes. But it is not a battle I am winning at this point.

 

Any suggestions???????????

Thanks -Bree

[ShySoul]

Forgiving yourself is one of the hardest things to do. I think alot of people are there own worst critics, so your not alone. I'm that way myself. It think its mainly about recognizing that you made a mistake and that you are truly sorry for it. We all make mistakes, they happen and are a part of life. But its what we do afterwards thats important. Do you really want to go through life carrying the burden of past regrets? Realize that you were wrong for what you did, but that it doesn't make you a bad person and you shouldn't have to suffer for it years down the road. Focus on the good things you've done in your life and the good gualities you have. I'm sure that list far outweighs any list of mistakes. If you are really feeling bad, maybe dedicate yourself to some cause as sort of an act of contrition, doing something good to counteract whatever you did wrong. Vow that you will learn from your mistakes and that you won't repeat them again.

 

The main thing is to keep in mind that none of us are perfect. We all do the best we can under given circumstances and sometimes we will mess up. Use those mistakes as learning experiences. Try to understand why you made the mistake in the first place. From there you know what things about youself you need to work on. Use these times as a way to improve yourself, not as a means of making you feel bad about yourself. It can be an everyday struggle and is not easy. But what does not kill us only makes us stronger. I'm sure your a great person, don't be so hard on yourself.

[Breea]

Shysoul, from a logical standpoint I totally agree with your point of view. Actually to truly forgive myself is the hard part. It's not so much that I did a deliberate bad "thing", but it's more of the mistakes that shaped my life very early on that make me feel like such a failure, a loser in a sense.

 

I got pregnant early and never got over the shame. I felt like such a piece of trash -unwed teenage mother, i was kicked out of my home, struggled w/a baby on my own. Yes, I've often said and believe that what does not kill you only makes you stronger. But things have scarred me inside none the less.

 

To try to fix the problem I married someone to try to complete my family and raise my child in a good home. Only to have another child w/this man (who I never loved the way I should have) and stayed 14 yrs. my oldest child is a rebel and always hated her father (the one who adopted/raised her) and now my youngest just moved out to live with the father, who I finally got divorced from. So yes i feel like a horrible mother and bad person for marrying someone for the wrong reasons, even though I thought hanging in there was for the right reasons ...for the kids sake.

 

Now I see what a mistake it was. All those wasted years, the kids being raised under all that tension. Never going to college and wasting my brain. I just feel like a failure deep down inside.

 

It is hard to explain, but it's like I can see my life from another standpoint. I see myself in a loving way, also. I'm relatively smart, funny, sweet and loving, I try to live a good life, I look in the mirror and love myself so why can't I bury those scars and self-criticisms????? It's not like I live in the past. I don't think about it much, but when I do a flood of emotions is still there for some reason. I try to live my life in a positive way. So what the hell's wrong with me?????????????????

[Scottrn]

It's not like I live in the past. I don't think about it much, but when I do a flood of emotions is still there for some reason. I try to live my life in a positive way. So what the hell's wrong with me?????????????????

 

I've heard it said that the pain from something won't go away until the lesson intended from it is learned. I know how you feel, I never planned on being where I am at my age. But here I am, and I too think I'm ok. So the things I went through in the past MADE ME who I am today. It's ok to feel regret but only to the point of reminding yourself what you've learned and to know you won't make the same mistakes again.

Focus on the positive in your life, less on the negative! 8)

[Irishmanco]

True, we do all make mistakes. Luckily we aren't perfect. We can't change the past but we can change the future. Some people continue to do bad and forget about the good.

 

If you are kind to people and have a good heart, good things will come. Learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. There is no perfect life, there is just life. If you can look back at the mistakes you can look forward to being a better person

 

You said getting pregnant was a mistake. Having a kid too young might not have been the best time but it happened. You brought two lives into this world. You have given so much of yourself. There is nothing perfect for me to say but I think you are very strong and should be proud.

 

Look into yourself and find who you are. Have some things for yourself. Try, if you can to make things work with your children. They are part of you and you can teach them. All we can do is try to be happy and be kind to each other. Love is extremely important and learning as we live.

 

Don't forget you're not alone. There is always someone to help or who can relate. Love yourself and always remember to keep learning and never stop loving.

[GettingOverIt]

Bree, I agree with what is being said here... You are not alone. We have all made mistakes, and we will all make more of them. Heck, look at my alias! I am still getting over the mistakes I made, and for all I know, I am still living a mistake. I don't know that yet, and unfortunately, time is the only way to know for sure.

 

Yes, it is wasted time when you look at it one way. Time wasted on this or on that, I could have done this and I should have done that. Hindsight is the worst curse ever given to us unless we instead look back and see what good came of our previous experiences. Honestly, I am struggling with that very thing right now. I am sitting here thinking, "What was the point in everything I did? Nothing has changed now. I am right back to Square-One where I started."

 

But, I see the good things that came of it... My ex-gf found someone who may just turn out to be the love of her life. I met some incredible friends, and I have two children that drive me crazy (but wouldnt change that for the world). I went back to my wife, and we'll see if that turns out to be a mistake or not. Wasting time? Maybe, but then that is something else to learn from.

 

You say it's too late to go to college... Is it really? I just finished 6 YEARS of school while taking ONE night class per semester. It was not fun at times, and it was certainly not easy. Truth is, that degree hasn't helped me one bit, other than give me the degree and I met some friends plus learned a few things along the way.... It was hard on my family, hard on my wallet, hard on me. You can do it, too, Bree.

 

You say your kids all moved out, so are you in a position to take some time and go away - a holiday for yourself? Doesn't even have to be anything big or expensive. Heck, just a hotel stay in another city or state and see the town.... Doesn't even have to cost much.

 

If that's not your thing, then how about just finding someone to get to know. No matter what, most of us could always use another friend to talk to, to get to know, to enjoy the conversation, or just to be there to listen...

 

I like the idea of finding a cause to join. Find something that interests you, and go full-out head-long into it!

 

Well, I didn't mean to type a book...